Hello all. I'm extremely new to this. Where do I even start? My wife and I have been married for 6yrs. We have two beautiful little girls. We have known each other since 8th grade. After graduation we didn't speak for 4 yrs. Obvisously we connected again and got married. We have worked very hard to get where we are at in life buying a house, the girls, etc. Anyways long story short. I have recently had an affair. It was purely emotional. Texting and hanging out. She found out about it and everything has been moving very fast. Why did this happen? I don't know many reasons I suppose. I'm at a point where I realized I was wrong and I love my wife more then anything. I'm trying ecerything I can to save our marriage. I have cut those ties with the other. I'm looking for a new job because we do work together. I deleted her number in front of my wife. So much as gone on. She has agreed to work on it. I know a major issue is the trust I have broken. The lies I said. I also know it will not be an easy process. She has been seeing a counslor since our separation. I had just met with the minster who married us tonight. I dont or want to sign the papers in Dec. Im not sure what I'm doing here. I'm lost in a lot of thoughts and I guess this might help. I'm open to anything right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I'm sure I'll post more. Thanks.
Situation. Married 10 years, together 14 1 month ago had the talk that started with My life is grey I am aimless, I tried to kill myelf last year. I don't know what I feel. Each weekend ( we have lived apart for the last 6 months due to job changes and it does not work well with us) another layer has been added to that initial conversation I don't feel anything for you. You detroyed my trust I am seeing some one else. He left early, said he wanted to think. Said that my moving over where he now lives would not work for him. Took my Divorce Buster book with him!
This weekend he is not home. He wa supposed to be here for a week but just left. Knowing it was going to be awful for me.
Of course I did the pleading thing, and the logic thing and the sounds like depression talk. That was not a good idea although my doctor thinks it is depression.
So it really is a strange place to be. I have read the books and do not want a divorce. He does not seem to have thought about what he wants, except to live for himself and have space. I am staying with I do not want to divorce. He does not want to tell anybody about us and is onvinced the people at work will not know about the affair.
I am trying to be myself and improve myself. I would agree with him that I have not been the support I should be and I can be controlling.
I am trying to figure out some reconciliation path or some way of maintaining contact without apppearing needy anx dependent. He said he is coming home next weekend. I have no reason not to beleivz that is probably true. I am really looking for advice on how to proceed. I do not want to drive him into a corner where he makes up his mind simply because I am being controlling and over bearing ( I do know my flaws just haven't worked on them as much as I should. I think we should organise to maintain some contact . I don't have my book to read but do remember the 180, so am planning a version of that. And what to do about the OW? I do not feel like we are in a place to discuss it, obviously it is still an exciting experience.She is still living with her husband and 3 children I asked if they were going to share his apartment he said no she gets her own in February. He is extremely stressed, has begun smoking again after 15 years and looks miserable then gets extremely angry. He stopped being affectionate with me the week he started the affair. We have always been good friends and talked about everything with each other but for me to discuss how they met and what they are doing this weekend is just a little bit too weird. I was really calm when he told me. I didn't suspect but was still calm. Broke down when he left of course. so advice folks. I don't think the month of NC idea will work here, I would also think about visiting him some weekends if he would agree but do not plan to push it. I have no clue what he is thinking. He did not say if he read the book or what his thoughts are. He made an arrangement to skype Monday. We used to talk twice aday until a month ago? Any help, advice, what not to do would be gratefully received
I posted to a new thread a few days ago, but it still hasn't been approved. This whole sitch has been quite the lesson in patience. I am back and forth on my DB success. I do great for a few days--positive, busy, focused on me, giving him space, then I have a moment of weakness and try to push for more information from H.
He will be away for a few days so I hope I can get perspective and be a stronger version of me when he gets back. I miss being close to him so much. I have a appt to talk to my Pastor in a few days. Hopefully she can help me let go of the need for answers and just trust God. I know I have that mustard seed of faith, but sometimes it is hard to locate. I realize I need to focus on the moment because if I think of the future I panic, and if I think of the past (even if it is only 10 minutes ago) I get so angry and upset. Right now is the only moment I have any control over.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
I have made a few more posts since the last ones shown, but I think they are still hung up in moderation for the time being.
I have been reading up on the list of resources Cadet gave me and it has been very helpful. Now I am just waiting "dim" for WS to give me an opportunity to practice my new skills and attitude.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I've been haunting these threads for a couple of weeks now, but I'm still not sure I have all the acronyms down. I'll try to make a thread with my story if I can figure out how it works.
M: 26 H: 30 no kids M: 4 T: 6
BD / I moved out of in-laws: 10/9/13 Changes mind from divorce to MC (never went): 10/15 Conflicted/ambivalent but more positive: 10/26 Doesn't know what he wants: 11/7
Hi I'm new here as well. I made a quick thread but I guess I have to wait for moderator approval. I've never been on a forum where this kind of thing happens. Patience I guess.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
