Husband wants divorce, after my affair revealed,

[Flo]

I didn't make it clear above, but I cut ties with OM in late July.

[AnotherStander]

He asks me to tell kids certain things and that is the 180 that is killing me. I don't believe "everything will be ok" for our kids. They are going to suffer the effects of this divorce for the rest of their lives.
Do we do 180's we don't believe in? Say it bc it's what they are NOT expecting? (agreement)

I'm not sure I understand the question, are you saying you are telling the kids everything is going to be fine because you perceive that as a 180 from what you would have done before? Not clear on what you mean. But when it comes to kids, you ABSOLUTELY need to reassure them. Make sure they understand your sitch is not their fault because they WILL blame themselves. My S10 thought it was because he had said something to W about how I yelled at him once! Also make sure they understand that they are NOT being abandoned, that you and your H will ALWAYS be there for them. Most kids will not tell you what they're thinking because they are scared to death about what is going to happen. Most parents don't even think about the kids because they are hurting so much themselves. It is critical to reassure the kids, they need you and your H now more than ever.

[Flo]

Update: I always wondered how my husband could walk away from our marriage without any "trying" for reconciliation. I just found out he is dating one if his employees, and discussing marriage/children with her. So now there is an OW,which explains why he is in such a rush.
I had my last session with DB coach before I found that out, and finances are not allowing for more. It is a new wave of pain.

[lovethehub]

Flo,

I am sorry to hear that, I know how much it hurts. You still want to keep the focus on yourself and what you can change/do to be a better version of who you are. As you know, A's end and just because your H wants a divorce today doesn't mean you will be divorced. There are also people on here who have R after D.

There is a lot of great advice on here; try to read some other stories that are similar to yours to get advice on how to proceed when your H is pushing you to move quickly with the D.

[jp787]

Flo, Welcome.

Please think of your H in a fog (shock) right now and may not be acting with reason, but running on emotion.

Your best bet is to take care of yourself. Work on yourself. Be kind, caring and give him space and time.

You are in for a long ride, as we all are.

Don't forget to breathe

[Flo]

Now I know why he hasn't considered tryin at all. He has a girlfriend.

[jp787]

Now I know why he hasn't considered tryin at all. He has a girlfriend.

I understand that you need to deal with this news, but please, please do NOT get stuck on this! I say this from experience. I wasted so much time, created so much more pain for myself and pushed my W closer to her OM by letting it get to me.

Take a few moments and know it hurts and then find a way to understand that you have zero control over it.

Breathe.

[Flo]

I read and re read your posts, bc at different times, I gain insight from each of you. Thank you.
I have stopped trying to divorce bust. The decisions my husband is making right now effect his employment status and future employability. That would not be good for our children financially or emotionally. The fallout would be intense.

so i have had to realize that I need to be focus on protecting our children and myself from him, which means being a warrior in our divorce negotiation

[jp787]

Become the best person you can through this and you will come out fine. That is my goal, not an easy one, but since this is so hard, why not push for the stars.

I hope you continue to post.

[Flo]

Update: The emotional pain of this awful. I want him "outed" for having affair with his employee. He is trying to whittle me down on financial aspect of divorce, bc he is planning on marrying this employee. I am trying to be the best person I can be, that is great advice, but very challenging