Left Behind on the Left Coast V: I Will Survive

[MrCAS]

Personally, o find that a submarine sandwich is a great mood elevator. That's just me, though.

Going to Lodge the other night was a huge boost for me.

When I feel myself sinking I try to do something fun.

[jp787]

Do you have any advice on how to clean one's lens?

For me, it's to wake up in the morning or stop you’re during the day when you start noticing you’re sliding and make a choice to find the good in things. To stop yourself when you think negative or your inner critic opens his mouth and say STOP. Make a conscious decision to breathe and clear your thoughts, over and over if needed. Then breathe more and thing positive about something.

[LBH_LC]

Well, that was a non-productive afternoon.

[labug]

Thank you for the advice, labug. My T definitely agrees with the lens advice; we've discussed how I've been depressed for so much of my life that I tend to return to that as default state. Do you have any advice on how to clean one's lens?

Meditation, mindfulness, yoga.

Give yourself 21 days and commit to meditating everyday. You can start out for 10 minutes/day and there really are no rules other than focus on your breath and watch your thoughts but don't get caught up in your thought. Acknowledge them and let them go.

There are some online guides to starting a meditation practice and you can do guided meditation of silent meditation. I do a little of both.

[jp787]

Well, that was a non-productive afternoon.

Sorry to hear that

[AnotherStander]

My T definitely agrees with the lens advice; we've discussed how I've been depressed for so much of my life that I tend to return to that as default state. Do you have any advice on how to clean one's lens?

I do like the idea of meditation, but personally it's just never worked for me. In my case "Idle Hands Are The Devils Playground". If I'm sitting around then bad thoughts creep in, work their tentacles through my mind and start messin' with my mojo. But if I'm busy doing something, then I'm occupied, I'm focused, I'm HAPPY. I don't have time for bad thoughts. GAL is totally what works for me, and it works fantastic! So find what works for you to take your mind out of a negative place. Maybe it's meditation, maybe it's GAL, maybe it's both or even something else. Experiment- keep doing what works, quit doing what doesn't work.

[Positivespin]

Ill tell you what......

Stack 2 cords of firewood and you will be thinking about nothing for the rest of the day.

Oh, wait you live in WARM SUNNY CALIFORNIA where you can ride a bicycle, walk, jog- bastage !!!!!!

Seriously, did you honestly think she wouldnt continue down the dishonest path she was on?????

Im starting to think (and I dont know everything) that she did you a favor by leaving you. From my seat, she gave you a gift. Remember, Its NEVER the victims fault.

Your a good Man!

[LBH_LC]

Thanks for the replies all.

I tried meditating early on and I found it helpful but I find it difficult to set aside a half hour in the evening and impossible in the morning. I will have to make a greater effort.

Exercise is a great help to me. Weightlifting a little less so because while you're focused on nothing but the iron when you're lifting, it wanders on the rests between sets. I think I need to get out on my bike more.

AnotherStander: I know what you mean about idle hands, that is what is so difficult about meditation for me too. Even when I focus on the meditation, it sometimes feels like the background processes in my brain are still free to wander. I have a guided meditation app for my phone that is fairly helpful in keeping me focused. Much more so than if I were doing it on my own.

ll tell you what......

Stack 2 cords of firewood and you will be thinking about nothing for the rest of the day.

Oh man, I'd love to be doing that right now. I remember helping my dad with that back when I was young, what a sense of accomplishment when you're done! Good, honest physical labor.

Oh, wait you live in WARM SUNNY CALIFORNIA where you can ride a bicycle, walk, jog- bastage !!!!!! smile

Yes, it's been incredibly dry and mostly sunny here so far. It has my permission to rain now that I got my new Red Wing boots though.

Seriously, did you honestly think she wouldnt continue down the dishonest path she was on?????

When she dropped the TRO and briefly talked to me, I began to hope. Silly me. To have to sit in court and listen to her make all these crazy accusations makes me sad, much sadder than I would be if we were just divorcing amicably. It's a sad and ugly enough situation without having to make more so. I wonder if she has actually convinced herself and believes the nonsense she is spewing or if she is doing it consciously. I honestly don't know which one would be worse.

Im starting to think (and I dont know everything) that she did you a favor by leaving you.

You're beginning to sound like others in my life. I don't know, man, I don't know.

From my seat, she gave you a gift. Remember, Its NEVER the victims fault.

I know. Like I've said many times before, I was planning on making 180s right before the BD, but I don't think I would have come as far as fast without going through this hell. I would not think of myself as a victim, though. I was no saint. I was a pretty lousy husband.

Your a good Man!

I hope you're right.

Lefty

PS: New low today: 169! I've officially lost 40% of my starting weight!

[Positivespin]

I was a lousy husband as well- I was too busy with doing things, for us, that WE agreed upon, to make our lives better in the future.

Folks would always say "Marriage takes alot of work". I never understood what those people meant.I never "worked" at it....but boy did I work- so much that I never spent time with my family.

Listening to my employees talk about their sitch's - many work opposite shifts of their husbands...It so much easier to see the warning signs of what lies behind the upcoming hills of their lives.

FYI- I was referring to your wife as the victim- not you

you and I got BURNT!

[labug]

Lefty, I get the time crunch. I remember thinking the same when my kids were younger. But if I could talk to my younger self I would say, You don't have time not too, that's what a positive impact meditation has had on my life.

I have the proverbial monkey mind with lots of obsessive thoughts. Meditation has helped my harness that. There's no rule that you have to sit for 30 minutes, if you only have 10, do 10, that's better than none. In the beginning I could barely make it through 10 but I also thought there was a "right" way to meditate and a "wrong" way to meditate. For some that might be true but the key is to sit, breathe, recognize your thoughts and let them go. When you find yourself being drug into the story, you bring yourself back to your breath. You soon realize the impermanence of your thoughts.

Are you in control of your mind or is your mind in control of you? The more you are able to bring your thoughts back, the more in control you are.

It has quieted my mind and therefore calmed my life.

Good luck.