Left Behind on the Left Coast V: I Will Survive

[MrCAS]

I use my treadmill time to lose myself a bit. I find it relaxing.

[LBH_LC]

I just got a nasty text message where she tried pushing my buttons. Is there any point in trying to reply to her as an adult and communicate honestly?

[MrCAS]

Just ignore the nasty texts. I chose that route... It worked wonders for my well being. Hers? Not so much...

I have a theory formulated in my feeble little man brain... (does that scare you? It should... Bwawahahahahahaha!) I figure it is all just part of the WAS thing. If they can get you PO'd, then they win the battle. They figure if they win enough battles, they will win the war...

Brother, WE are the winners her. We have accepted our roles... we have looked into ourselves... we have taken care of business.

[LBH_LC]

Part of the text contained a settlement counteroffer, is there any point in trying to communicate in good faith?

[MrCAS]

Depends on the offer

[labug]

Depends on whose good faith you're talking about and what CAS says above?

Do you know hat your settlement bottom line is?

[LBH_LC]

I know that my case is strong enough and my initial offer fair enough that I don't need to budge.

I guess I am talking about trying to reach out in good faith and trying and talk like a mature adult our situation. I haven't tried to talk about what happened with her since January and I was still lost in the pre-DB wilderness then. I know there is no hope in ever R with my STBX, but it doesn't have to be any uglier than it already is.

[labug]

You don't know what the future holds.

But if the initial email from her was nasty, why go there?

[LBH_LC]

Well, it might be nasty for the sake of being nasty or it might be her talking about the situation as she sees/saw it. My initial take is that it was nasty for nasty's sake, but is it not possible it is the latter? How are are we to know when we should ignore and when we should validate?

[jp787]

Try to look at the text and see if it fits the cycle you have with your W.

My W and I would text each other to get the other to respond in a certain way, it was our codependency in action. Once you step outside and can see your cycle, you can work to break it.

If the text felt like it was pushing your buttons, then I would ignore it.

If the text is more that she is putting something on herself, then validate, but don't fix or take the blame away.