Left Behind on the Left Coast V: I Will Survive

[LBH_LC]

Well, it fits our cycle in that she is still furious with me and considers me a villain.

I guess I will ignore it.

[planet]

I'm a little surprised here

You have been here for almost a year and your WAS is still hateful?

How long does it even take for them to let things go?

And to think after the D, they'll be happier. Strange people, really.

[MrBond]

My W was angry for 3 years before she said a word to me. It depends how much patience you have.

[mirage]

My EXW is still a hateful, angry spewer almost 4 yrs later. I ignore it so it does not affect me.

People that don't have the tools or refuse to get the tools in life can go for years. Take yourself out of the equation.

Mirage

[JuneReN]

^^ Exactly^^

If you remove yourself from the equation, your wife can no longer know what the answer will be. You are an unknown. So you remove yourself by NC, 180's etc.
When you change the behaviour, you change the outcome.

[labug]

Well, it might be nasty for the sake of being nasty or it might be her talking about the situation as she sees/saw it. My initial take is that it was nasty for nasty's sake, but is it not possible it is the latter? How are are we to know when we should ignore and when we should validate?

Lefty, you're in a contentious D, with a woman who sends what you describe as nasty texts, and in the past has had a TRO on you (isn't that right?)

I think it's time for more ignoring and less validation.

As difficult as it is.

[LBH_LC]

I have largely been NC since I picked up DB in January. Any contact since then has only been initiated by her, and nearly all of it was pertaining to our D. She did reach out a little bit in July and August, but she only asked for favors.

I have done some amazing 180s, it is just hard to know she doesn't see them.

[jp787]

I have done some amazing 180s, it is just hard to know she doesn't see them.

That has to be hard

Remember they are ultimately for you though

[LBH_LC]

Yes, I know. I had planned on making 180s before BD, but I know I would not have been as successful or come as far without going through the hell of being a LBH. For crying out loud, I have lost 40% of my starting weight this year! I dress better, I groom myself better, I've found a church I go to weekly, I meditate, I'm a major volunteer at a non-profit, I read more... So many profound changes. It just sort of seems hollow without her.

I've tried to lovingly detach, and I think I've done okay.. But it is definitely something I could be better at. I don't dwell and obsess over her, but it has the feeling of just trying to cover things up or ignore them instead of reaching true detachment.

I'll be glad when we're out of the holidays and on the other side of Valentine's Day.

[jp787]

I'll be glad when we're out of the holidays and on the other side of Valentine's Day.

It's all in how you wake up and see each day, find something good to enjoy in every day

With all of those 180's you sure must give yourself a big smile in the mirror