Just saw your list for the day.....you go girl!!! You're inspiring with those jam packed list.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Ambivalent, Breathe and keep your focus on you and yes, in the present. We don't know what the future holds for any of us today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This is a copy of a question asked of me, and my reply...
Quote: Perhaps, but I get the feeling that there are issues she never overcame which were there even when we first met. Were there any hints at the beginning of your relationship of difficulties of any kind that could be problematic later?
Yes, but it revolved around how I perceived I was being treated. In the beginning he stood me up!
Then his friends and family were more important.
His family didn't want me to come to the Thanksgiving they always had in Norfolk
Rehearsal dinner he was an hour late! His mother didn't show up.
The day of our wedding he played his first round of golf.
The night of our wedding, his friend planned a party and he didn't tell me 'til after our reception, on the way .
He made time for regular basketball, regular golf, but NEVER regular date night Golf was his obsession for many years sometimes two rounds on a Saturday!
So the answer is Hell to the yes!
I didn't know it hurt me, for I just detached. But being more in touch with my feelings now, it pains me to put it in writing.
It KILLS libido. It kills desire and slowly builds resentment.
When I was single , I got hit on all the time. It was annoying because it was overtly sexual and I didn't like being perceived as " a piece of a-s " I wanted respect and men to see my brain as well. His lack of time for me on a regular basis seemed as more of the same, as if I was just an aside to his life. I was not considered as part of his life.
Wow just got a dose of realization here.
MLC or not, he's always been about himself. :C
This has made me realize, where I fit into his life and not how it became our life. We always lived parallel lives. OUCH!
This is not looking good. How did I hold on for so long? Why am I holding on to possibly be his back up plan...Oh God , I'm not liking what I'm thinking...
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Actually months ago I let him know, when he thought I wanted him to come back, that our old marriage was dead. I agreed we both made mistakes. I knew I needed to express my needs and desires, that if the way he was then behaving was the real him, then no I didn't want him to come home without him working on himself.
He was constantly saying that he was not who I thought he was...that I may not like the real him, when all this is over , he didn't want me to hate him. Very cryptic, never offering any real information.
So he understands that I'm willing but he will have to also be accountable for his part as well.
On his own he has gone to one IC session, he says he has one this week. I'm just taking off the rose colored glasses. It helps me protect my heart.
Yes there were many moments of love and sharing, but I stuffed a lot down. I don't believe I had the emotional maturity to confront.
In my family ( growing up ), one wasn't allowed to express anger at a parent. We weren't allowed to "talk back" or we'd get back handed in the face. It doesn't bode well for future communication, especially if you fear rejection.
So when it came to sharing how I felt about his constant time away, golf, basketball, poker, bowling, I didn't want to be a harpy/nag. I didn't want to be the complaining wife.
I have many many interests so I just pursued them, without realizing what it was doing to both of us. He as a teen worked and partied. He then went into the tech industry when it was very young.
He had goals of being a millionaire by 30. He is now 55, in debt, house under and more money going out than coming in. Couple that with empty nesting, estranged father's death, and a friend's suicide, AND multiple job losses in the last 5 years...well do I really need to explain?
He wasn't initiating and neither was I. So it made for the perfect storm. Would I want to walk back into that? Would I rather get my sexual needs met and have someone think I was all that, and not know the rest?
I just don't know if he will see my changes. He has seen the physical, but I don't know if he sees that I'm really engaging.
Trying to put my actions where my mouth is. Now, I have not said a thing about changing, me or my behavior. I think that is counterproductive. I'm just showing him, by actions.
The irony is that since his testosterone has dropped, oh yeah add that , pre diabetic , and ED, he is the one seeking more connectedness.
I wish he could really see how HE has changed in that area, and is wanting what I've wanted for over 20 years! Perhaps one day I'll tell him, I don't see or know that this is the time.
Part of a 180 for me would be to share my thoughts or feelings, but I don't think that is the DR way at this stage of our separation and relationship. I believe the DR way is to try and have more positive interactions, be pleasant, do something different, and look my best at all times. Also address concerns and remedy them.
Of course working on me is in there as well. If there is something more I can be doing , tell me.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
