CC, Don't allow his spewing to rattle you. Trust me, one time they are nice and the next here comes the spew or they do something totally off the wall and you don't expect it. No, you've not seen the ugly opposite side until now. His opposite persona may come to visit again. When they are like that, don't engage w/them, walk away or hang up. They need to learn a bit about self control and respect you.
Yep, tomorrow is a new day, as Scarlett once said.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry for you CC, it really does svck when they decide to go that route... remember that because he was withdrawn and you were detached, this is as much as anything probably a ploy just to get some attention/reaction out of you. The MLCer doesn't really care if the attention they get is bad or good, they just want the attention, and if they can make you out to be the bad guy or the "witch" in the argument, all the better. Then they have validation for why they "Can't love you anymore."
Just remember, most of what they say is all BS. Try not to take it personal. Job's advice is good... work on being able to walk away and not engage, it's healthier for both of you. But I know from experience it is NOT always easy. You have plenty of things to be angry about yourself and it can be hard to walk away from an opportunity to let some of it out. :P
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Sorry CC. He isn't getting a rise out of you, so he has to do something to get you riled up. So I think you must be doing something right. It is quite annoying though.
Keep up your spirits, do something nice for you.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I agree. He withdrew and you detached. He probably was expecting you to pursue.
Find something to help you regroup and refocus.
I completely relate to what you said about beng unnerved when they are nice... You never know what is behind it
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks everyone. This morning I felt emotionally drained (and a little hungover!) but by this afternoon, a visit to the cake shop with a friend, a purchase of some beautiful Christmas decorations, a nice hot shower and a lovely new outfit, I am feeling back to my positive self.
My H was slightly withdrawn today but remorseful......who knows what's going on in his head.....but that's not for me to worry about!
I've got a great weekend planned and that's all I'm concentrating on. No amount of head spinning on my part will get me anywhere.....so I might as well just chill and get the popcorn out.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
CC, Sounds like you've got everything under control and enjoying yourself a bit too.
Enjoy your weekend of fun and leave the MLC monster at the door.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just heard a woman's voice in the background when he facetime'd the kids. They didn't hear it, so I didnt have that drama, but I did!
He called back afterwards to ask if I was ok. He didn't know I heard and I hadn't spoken to him on FaceTime......guilty conscience?
I had my cheery voice and said everything was ok, but I was shaken.
Now he's texting to see if I'm ok.
I really want to text back telling him what I heard. I really don't want him doing it again. I've got enough to discuss with the kids, I don't need him to add "who's the girl daddy has there?"
Plus it's his birthday and they don't understand why he doesn't want to be with them for his birthday......nor do I.
I'd be lying if I said this doesn't hurt. He's moved on from just cyber/text relationships to physical. Ouch. Yep it hurts. But this is all mind reading. I don't know who she was, what she was doing, how this relates to him.
So do I ask? Do I stop the mind reading and ask?
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
CC, Here's what I would do. I would say to h "h, in the future, when you are doing facetime w/the kids, would you please make sure that people in the background keep it down a bit because the kids can't always hear what you have to say and this also alleviates any questions that they may have about who is there w/you". Then leave it at that and allow him to panic and jump through hoops a bit as to what you actually heard or saw. Sometimes when we drop a few crumbs, they will stumble all over themselves to find out what you know.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
