WONDERING

[Ambivalent]

Of those who have found themselves in piecing, and were stay at home moms, did your spouse push you to get a job during separation?

Did he want it because he wanted to play or should I say replay? How did you handle it?

Any and all stories are welcome !

Thanks

[Rick1963]

I was never in piecing but I think he may have asked for financial reasons that you get a job. If he was thinking of D, he would have to pay less in child support and alimony. That's my thinking.

[Ambivalent]

Child support is moot. We've been together 33 years. He already understands how much I would get and it would be ongoing, due to our longevity and disperate levels.

Thanks for replying Rick!

Any stories?

[Rick1963]

My exw makes much more than I do. She is actually a very well known illustrator and writer. I'm a social worker. She wanted child support. I asked for alimony. I didn't want the divorce. Because of her income compared to mine the exchange would have been the same. So she doesn't pay me alimony and I don't pay child support. I pay for my daughters health insurance and cell phone which I don't mind.
Bottom line, exw tried to show poverty and need. Even though she made 3xs what I made I paid 90% of the bills. All was on paper and she had no case.

What I'm trying to say is that when it comes to money the person who is supposed to luv u unconditionally doesn't anymore. So protect yourself and always talk to a lawyer

[Ambivalent]

Thanks for sharing Rick. So sorry to hear about your outcome.

Any more stories?

[chasingpavements]

Hi Ambivalent!

Yes to both, stay at home mother and yes he pushed me to find a job. I would say a lot of our issues were due to me not having a job. First he pushed me to stay at home with the kids, mostly to make our schedules easier with 3 little ones. I was supposed to bring other kids into the house for a daycare but that fell through. Hubby was working tonnes of overtime and we had enough money. I started looking for jobs with no luck.

Then Christmas was approaching so I held off on my job search until January. (but didn't tell him that was my plan, error on my part). Money started getting tight and he pushed me to start looking for a job. I was applying for jobs on the internet. Every once in a while he would blow up at me that money was tight and I wasn't finding a job quick enough.

I started to resent him for pushing me in such a manner instead of calmly talking to me. He started resenting me for not applying to as many jobs as he would like me to. We became more and more resentful of each other during this time, all the while not expressing our needs and concerns to each other.

Finally, I had a job interview for a promising job working for a life insurance agent. The interview went well. The day after the interview was the big BD day for us. Needless to say, after that mind boggling event I was in no mood to start up back to work, I was an emotional wreck. I didn't call back about the interview and the job fell through.

In my case, H wasn't pressuring me so that he could buy things or play. (IMO). By this point I think he was past that stage. He never did spend a lot of money, just mostly worked out like crazy.

Sorry I haven't caught up on your sitch in a while Ambivalent.. but I do recall your H was pressuring about money, is that right? I recall he sent you an email stating that money was an issue? What ended up coming out of all of that?

What I can say is that I overlooked how important financial issues were to him during that time. He was constantly worried and stressed about money. I was more focused on myself and my well-being and didn't take his opinion into consideration. What I have learned is that is has to be give and take. I have to be considerate of his feelings of needing financial security, and he must realize that I am driven by emotions and having a sense of emotional security and well-being.

Going back to work has relieved a lot of pressure for us. We are not fighting over money as often.

[Ambivalent]

Thanks chasing.

Yes money or should I say bills are a huge stress and have been for almost three years. I am trying to find another part-time job and will try to ease some of the stress.

That is why I went back to school. Back in Spring of 2012, he was feeling the pressure. That's when I started to research what a good career choice to make. Unfortunately it was necessary to go to school.

My daughter's college and my tuition have added more stress.

I want to work towards relieving this. It is hard right now for exams and then boards are coming up, not to mention this whole separation. It is always on my mind...

I appreciate your stopping in to share your story. Thank you.

Would like more, if anyone wants to share.