Well I got a few more boxes packed. Mostly the bathroom stuff and a few things off the walls. I'm shaky. Anxious. Kinda sick.
I love my W as much as ever. I believe we have a good chance of our marriage working. It's up to her and her time. Our issues are solvable. Maybe we both needed a break and space. I know what to do and how to be. Mostly a case of being how I used to be. It's up to her.
Her decision to see OM messed it up. I know nothing about their relationship and don't care to. MIL was the one to tell me he was moving there and we needed to do something. (W refused to see me or talk.) And W talked about him some. MIL asked a few questions. He's nearly 10 years older than her, 5 year old daughter. There's some similarities to me. Art, guitars, similar tattoo, I wanted a daughter...weird. MIL said W won't be able to deal with him having a kid and the age difference. She told me to be patient, it won't work or last long. She may be right and she knows her daughter. They are close but this whole situation but a strain on them.
W not wanting to talk to me or anyone else about us doesn't seem like a good sign. I just don't know. But I will continue reading and working on myself anyway.
I'm going to send the text to her soon about insurance, money, etc. See how that goes. I have to do it. I feel like I need to. The NC will be broken but after I tell her I don't think we'll be talking. She did text me Christmas saying, "Merry Christmas. I hope that you are well." There's a text every few days. The one before that was asking for money. Idk
Nothing more done today. I was pretty down. Earlier I packed all her things from the bathroom, figuring it would easiest and quickest, and now it's pretty bare. The day before I did a small section of the bedroom and a few drawers. Not easy. The next few days I hope to do some of the kitchen and more of the bedroom. Livingroom last.
Still no news from in laws and when they'll be here. Nothing from W.
Haven't read DR in a couple days. I really need to and reread it. Just the forum and other searches.
Hang in there BH. If it makes you feel better, my soon to be waw is still in the house and that has its own sense of a dagger in the heart...... While we are both suffering, we aren't doing it alone!
Definately read. I read divorce busting, haven't ready divorce remedy which i think is nothing more than an updated version of divorce busting. Anyway, i have wound up with two copies of divorce remedy as i accidently ordered it twice. Perhaps that is a sign that there is something in there i need to pay attention to
What searches have produced any material of relevance? I found some stuff, mostly redundant at not really for a situation as serious as ours. Some good stuff as well but i think the process of d'bing held a slight edge over the other stuff. However, if you have found anything of use/interest, please advise.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
I'm hanging in there. I do wonder, at times, if there was no OM and she was still her if we could be working on things. I think so. She would be able to SEE the changes happening. That's all she really wanted. Now she's gone and can't see anything.
DR and DB are good. I didn't finish DB and moved to DR because I thought it would be more helpful. And others were having the issue with W that left the house and not be able to work on M. I'm going to finish both anyway.
I'm mostly finding the same, redundant stuff. Nothing too different or relevant. I've looked at a couple other forums but found some to be negative and bitter. This one seems to be the most supportive. A few weeks ago I was searching about how often WAW come back, how long, etc. Then I shifted to affairs (never had one, don't know anything). Trying to see what W was thinking/feeling, how long they could last, what's going on on the cheaters mind, etc. Recently just reading almost every post on this forum.
I guess since she's said she's done in her mind we are already divorced. Justification for affair? I'm still holding on, in a way, that she will return. I know I need to let go more to heal. I suppose that's why I decided to pack her things. For me to accept more that she is gone.
Every time I go no contact she will text. So once a week she initiates. The longest so far was one week NC. I broke it on Christmas just to say Merry Christmas, nothing more. I was struggling with it and thought it wouldn't hurt idk. The Saturday before she asked for me to send a few things and money. I didn't reply to that. That made me want to tell her about the insurance, money, packing house. Make it more real for her and hopefully a reality check. I explained that before in an earlier post. It helps me to type it, like talking. I was trying to give time for me to calm down with packing before I told her and to see if she would ask again.
So I feel stuck. I'm afraid to quit my job and move but I have to live life. And it wouldn't be good for me to stay. I'm heartbroken, stuck, sad and lonely. She was my best friend.
I am 95% certain there isn't another person involved with my wife.....and she doesn't want to have anything to do with 'working on r'.
She is at work tonight. I needed a break! I used to think that when people did strange things like my wife, that they must have some sort of alcohol or drug problem. Now i see that isn't necessarily true!
All though, she did have an eating problem. About 1.5 yrs ago she had surgery and has lost 110 pounds or so. She was also diagnosed as manic depressive. She lost weight, quit taking her medicine.
Not sure if there is any relevance.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
Looked like a reasonable support group....think in my area it had a cost of $21. I think i will attend and give it a try, but doesn't start in my area for three weeks.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
Ha! Nowhere near me. Not within a 100 miles. Really, we were out here, middle of nowhere. Main cause of our demise.
So tempted to text her recently. Not sure why. Weird.
Been invited to a few new year's parties. Not so sure. A few women want me there. Honestly, I don't care. Really. Idk. I miss my W. Thanksgiving was tough. Christmas was Piss but ok, new year's...idk.
Go out, have fun. I get along best with other women when i dont have an agenda (like getting in their pants). Just because some women want you there doesn't mean much of anything. All in your intent.
To quote an AA saying 'your mind is a dangerous neighborhood, you should never walk in it alone'.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
