Wif wants Divorce, I do Not 2

[burning heart]

Phone call from MIL at 4am. Message. Calling me a MF several times, F you, F this, she's done, pack W car, send her money, you MF.

I don't know what happened. Why or anything.

The family friend said she will call me. W said she will text me soon. It's been an hour. .....

[tough spot]

i thought the mil liked you and earlier told you anything with OM would never work out?

If that is the case, that is kind of weird. However, now maybe they need to be put into the 'don't talk to category'?

Are you guys getting lawyers or planning on mediation?

My wife is going to a lawyer in a couple of hours. She invited me alone (it is a free consultation).....I will turn down that very open offer with politeness. Have some feelers out to people for possible good lawyers and ones to avoid.

[paul19510]

sounds very stressful Sorry. perhaps good to take a step back. let your W handle it with her family and just politely state the position that you feel its not a way to work together even in D and you won't respond to that kind of talk....just my 2 cents. that's if it even comes up.

[burning heart]

MIL does like me and said OM won't work. I don't get it.

Well W texted me. She feels stuck, broke, needs to get out of parents house. Parents are fighting. She wants to go back to school, get a job, rent a house with a friend.

We talked about us some. She wants money. I told her I couldn't send any. She said she never wanted me to change. ?

She is seeing OM. And said she is done, has moved on, sorry but that's the way it is. I said ok. I understand.

Told her if things were different and this was a break I would help. She said this IS a break.

She is done.

Told her to decide what she wants to do with the cats, her things will be in storage, I will file.

[paul19510]

so sorry. Keep working for your own sanity and just move forward. in the end that's all we can do anyway.

[2stubborn2quit]

So the angry message was because W wants money? I hope this doesn't turn into a nasty D because of bad tempers. Good luck, sorry it couldn't work out the way you want but you have to do what makes you happy/less miserable.

[burning heart]

Idk. I hope it doesn't get nasty either.

I will move forward.

I'm accepting it more now. Now that she finally told me something definite.

I want to have hope in being with her in the future. I just don't know.

[2stubborn2quit]

That [censored] but at least you have clarity. I'm only now getting to the bottom of things with my W.

Parents usually put on blinders and take their kids' side no matter what. If she's living in the basement feeling stuck, it's probably easier for them to think you're a villain refusing to offer support.

[woundedfool]

This post prompted to respond, as I feel we were/are in similar situations.

First, your mind is going a mile a minute. Do your best to stop focusing on R. Yes, the thoughts spinning in your head, keeping you up all night, replaying your M in your mind, thoughts of the OM, etc. are TOUGH to deal with. But thats what you need to do is stop focusing on her, and your relationship with her..... Focus on YOU.

Cadet has a standard welcome post, and it is true... follow it to a "T". Detatch from her, learn patience, time is on your side, don't rush this or any upcoming decisions.

MIL does like me and said OM won't work. I don't get it.

My IN laws love me, think my ex is absolutely crazy for leaving. But it is not up to them or you. Let her experience the OM failure on her own.

Well W texted me. She feels stuck, broke, needs to get out of parents house. Parents are fighting. She wants to go back to school, get a job, rent a house with a friend.

Just listen and validate, she is seeing the parts that the grass is not really greener.

She said she never wanted me to change. ?

Don't look too deep into this, she has no idea what she wants or needs.

She is seeing OM. And said she is done, has moved on, sorry but that's the way it is. I said ok. I understand.

Don't look too deep into this, she has no idea what she wants or needs.

Told her if things were different and this was a break I would help. She said this IS a break.

I would not (and this is a recent discovery for me as well), she needs to succeed or fail on her own.

She is done.

Don't look too deep into this, she has no idea what she wants or needs.

I will file.

If you feel the need to do so, don't let me stop you. But unless there is a reason to speed through this, let her do the "dirty work". Personally, I would not. Though, it would not be a bad idea to consult some attorneys in your area. *But remember, their job is NOT to talk you out of a divorce... some may even try to encourage it.

Some questions for you:

Have you read DR or DB?
What are you doing to GAL?

[AnotherStander]

We talked about us some. She wants money. I told her I couldn't send any. She said she never wanted me to change. ?

She is seeing OM.

Let OM cover the financials!

And said she is done, has moved on, sorry but that's the way it is. I said ok. I understand.

We call that "script" around here, because all of us have heard it. That is the way she feels RIGHT NOW. Have you read DR? Her feelings are changing constantly, you can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth for months.

Told her to decide what she wants to do with the cats, her things will be in storage, I will file.

Slow your roll. First, you have NO IDEA if she's done or not, because she has NO IDEA (again, you cannot believe ANYTHING that comes out of her mouth for now). Second, your first post (which was barely 5 weeks ago) was loaded with things that YOU did wrong in the M:

My wife and I have been having trouble for sometime. I haven't been living up to my duties as a husband. I haven't respected, acknowlwdged, complimented, given bad looks, upset when I feel she wasn't doing enough for the house, haven't satisfied emotion needs, listened, etc.

I have hurt her so much. These behaviors have occured before. We would talk, work it out, and I would return to old behaviors after some months. She feels lonely and extremely hurt. I allow myself to get to stressed out from work and other things. I've lost sight of what's important and took this out on her. Our communication had turned into me complaining constantly. Putting my stress and worry on her. Another problem.

What have YOU done about all those things? Because you need to fix YOU before you go rushing to file for D. You have to own your mistakes and do 180's on them. You have to give her time and space. At least 6 months, but really a year is more realistic. THEN if things don't work out perhaps you can consider D.