She will file if I don't. I said it because I was upset and felt there was nothing I could do. Wrong I know. I will not file. If she wants it she can do it.
I'm working on the issues we had. As much as I can by myself.
Just read the book, understand the philosophy and let her sort out her issues. I read the books after W left, didn't know they existed at first except for this websites' rules for a WAS spouse. They're still relevant. She'll work at her pace, you work at yours.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
A friend called me. A friend we haven't really talked to only when we visit the city she's in (where W is).
From what she said no one is happy with what's going on.( There's a bar we always went to and this friend and others from there attended our wedding. ) And she told me W brought in OM and didn't introduce him new years. Everyone thought it was weird she was there with him. And no one really talked to her.
Then let her. Unless you want D (and in my opinion you are far too early in your sitch to know what you want) then do not do the work yourself. If she does it and asks you for info, then provide it in a timely manner. But leave the work to her. Don't be surprised if she doesn't push forward with it, often WAS's will really talk D up early on but then if you remove the pressure from them they will put it into limbo.
Quote:
But I'm hurting still.
Totally normal. Different people recover at different rates, so be patient with yourself.
Originally Posted By: burning heart
From what she said no one is happy with what's going on.( There's a bar we always went to and this friend and others from there attended our wedding. ) And she told me W brought in OM and didn't introduce him new years. Everyone thought it was weird she was there with him. And no one really talked to her.
Doesn't matter. It won't have any impact on your W. I think early on we look at things like this and think "oh maybe this will be her wakeup call!" But it's not, it just has zero impact on them when people don't talk to them (or even tell them what they're doing is wrong). They can't be reasoned with, they're acting purely on emotions.
MIL tried calling the last few days. Today I talked to her.
Apparently OM is a gem. Outstanding warrants, early 40s, a 5 years old daughter with a foul mouth and disrespectful, a broken down vehicle that he can't fix, no job, no money.
MIL said W can't handle the kid. She has brought OM to parents house. MIL said no more and he can't stay there.
Her parents cut off supporting her with money. I explained that I'm not giving her money either. She agrees.
She said the newness is wearing off and reality is starting to set in. It's crumbling. Be patient.
Also said she is not herself and acting crazy and out of her mind.
Well at least now you aren't some MFer like the previouse messages.
Keep in mind, the shine coming off this loser doesn't mean she's ready to come home and be happy with you. Whatever happened is going to take a while to heal. Be patient, stick with your current plan, finish reading the book.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Yeah. The mad MFer message wasn't directed for me. She apologized and explained that she's hurting and pissed at W, our situation, she won't listen/talk, her actions and decisions. They got into it a bit and she let W know how she feels. So now W isn't happy being there. She cut off the money and reality seems to have started to set in.
MIL believes in us as much as I do. I know her emotions are in this too. I'm taking what she tells me and weighing it with everything else. But she's there and sees what's going on.
Apparently after W and I texted yesterday OM picked her up she hasn't been back to her parents.
I'm not sure W will come back. I hope but it'll be awhile and a lot of work. I'm seeing more of her actions and script. Understanding a bit more. Accepting a bit more. It's not easy. I'm hanging on and not sure if I should be. I know we are only 7 weeks into this, OM has been there only 2 weeks, it's too early to really know or make big decisions. As stubborn as my W is things may be awhile...
She's determined that I have the folder with her paperwork in it. It's really not here. I would bet money she has it. I swear she took it. Maybe a delay tactic?
After our texting yesterday and the tension with MIL I don't expect much contact from her. And there wasn't a good way to end the texting yesterday. I did say I want her to be ok. Which seemed ok.
