Since there is a PA I am not sending any money or anything. The paperwork isn't here. I'm still packing the house, slowly.
Been with friends. They know the situation. We occasionally talk about it.
As far as communication I don't think I will hear from her anytime soon. Unless it's to ask for money but I think I made it clear I can't because of the affair. I'm not sure going dark will matter.
I love her and care. I want her to be happy, with me again or not. I'm accepting the situation. I don't want to give up completely yet.
If she's happy with OM I will move on. If it does crumble like MIL says but goes to another and not me then I will move on. I will not file.
I want to be patient. I'm working on me again but I still worry about her and us. I've made of list of changes and things I need to work. Listed them by priority. Getting back on track.
I want to contact her and let her know that I will not file. And I'm sure the folder isn't here. I guess it would be wrong to contact.
I agree with you BH about not sending any money. Wow, what balls does it take to even ask?
I would skip contacting her and letting her know about whether you would file or not. Just not filing will be the only answer needed. No need to speak with her to get yourself all upset.
My wife thinks i should move out of the house. I haven't brought it up since she mentioned that but i have no intention of moving out. Her waking up and seeing me in the house should be enough of an answer
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
I did let her know some things today. Maybe against DB/DR but it was my feelings and I felt I needed to get it out. She seemed receptive and even regretful then it shifted to not so much. I stopped and will go back to NC. See what she does, her move.
You did this EXACT same thing 2 weeks ago. You can't even wait and don't have the patience. All you do is think about yourself which is what got you here in the first place. How much have you actually learned? Doesn't seem like much.
This was from your first post "I haven't been living up to my duties as a husband. I haven't respected, acknowlwdged, complimented, given bad looks, upset when I feel she wasn't doing enough for the house, haven't satisfied emotion needs, listened, etc. "
You still just think about YOU and YOUR FEELINGS. Now she wants to go out and not have to worry about making YOU happy and has found another guy who is interested in HER.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Trying to get back on track. Things bother me. I'm a thinker.
Mutual woman friend told me some things yesterday. Things she's kept from me about my W. Some things were hopeful and some not. My W wasn't happy for awhile. After our trips every 6 months things would be good again. She was unhappy here. She's realizing that not all problems were mine, she's responsible too. She wanted to try for our M but started to talk to OM online. This distracted her, closed her off. Yet she still attempted work in M. A few days before she left she told this mutual friend and another that she was talking to OM. W told her not long after she left she thought marriages were failures and she would never marry again. They've talked about our other issues but with more details than what W was giving me. She misses things out here, and friends, all their kids, even me and things with me. Seems to be showing some level of regret and guilt.
This friend told me if I really believe we can work things out and accept and get past the affair then I should wait. Which is something I thought about and want to be patient. How long is the question.... I believe we can do it.
GAL has been going good. Reconnected with friends, going out, exercise and some weight loss.
I need to get back to reading and focusing on me. It's becoming more difficult. Also thought stopping about the affair isn't working as well now. Well some days are better than others.
If i was in your situation i would definitely need to go see a counselor. I need to even in the situation that i am in, and there doesn't appear to be the complication of an OM (I went to my first visit Thursday).
Hopefully my counseling won't all be about the marriage. After all, the reason I am going is that I know that last couple of years of my marriage I have been stagnant. I need growth and to deal with past issues, most not even related to my wife.
Realistically, imagine how much my wife could get out of the relationship if I myself admit that I need some work. A relationship sure can't be 'healthy' if one of the people are 'sick'. That was/is me. Granted I am not saying everything in the marriage was my problem, but honestly at this point i would say the greater share was.
So I am going to continue counseling, get back involved into AA, see if I can be a better person. Then if my being a 'better person' opens the marriage door/reconciliation with my wife, then we can get to the fun stuff and discuss her issues
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
