The texting bothers me because of the spite involved, not because I'm worried she still has feelings or would have an A again. I really don't think she would, but what kind of person would say they were sorry, beg to be married, commit 100%, then do something so hurtful just to throw something in your face? It would never cross my mind to do something like that; it just seems vile.
This is why I took the time to give you a detailed explanation of how I felt and the emotions I went through. I even explained the reason why I texted OM and left it for H to see. "It just seems vile"? It just seems to me that you repeatedly show you have a very low opinion of your W. The fact that she texted OM and left it for you to see also seems to show that she still isn't getting what she needs from you and that she is crying out for it.
When I read your posts, I often feel as is if you have never taken the time to examine your role in the downfall of your M. You tend to show yourself in the light of "look how great I am", you even stated that you didn't contribute to the M going bad and listed all of the wonderful things you did. You mention you are over the A, have no worries about her cheating again, etc. I find all of this hard to believe. Now you are boasting about how quickly you detached. Trust me Jon, your M didn't end up in this place solely through your W's behavior and choice to have an A. If you truly want to reconcile, you really need to figure out your role and stop acting as though you do everything right and you just can't comprehend how your W could do the things she does.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
I think you mistake my comments - I have a very HIGH opinion of my W, which is why it shocks me when she acts in a manner like that because, before, she was loyal, moral, etc.
It is very helpful to hear from your perspective. I absolutely know that I contributed to part of the relationship problems; we just have a difference of opinion on whether marital problems justify an affair.
I think I always misunderstood detaching - I thought it was were you didn't really care about the spouse, but it seems to me its finding an understanding that you'll be OK. Doesn't mean it won't hurt!
I know the part I played - I don't re-list my faults every post, but maybe I should add it to my signature?
" I have a very HIGH opinion of my W, which is why it shocks me when she acts in a manner like that because, before, she was loyal, moral, etc. "
Your W is still that woman, but you have to understand that this whole situation has changed her and allowed her to grow as well as you. She's not going to "snap back" to the woman you once knew. She has grown and changed from the experience and she's probably still processing what she went through.
Right now she probably needs more compassion and understanding from you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
As I have said many times, I do not think an A is justified, I explain how someone gets to the point where they mistakenly feel that it is. You called your wife vile, that is not a high opinion.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
