Thanks. Well the next day she was doing better and told me her plans for the evening/night. I told her I was glad she was better and have fun. No more contact since.
I went out of town Friday evening with a friend. It was suppose to be a few hours or so kinda thing but we didn't return home till today-monday. It was a blast and not something I'd do. We went to a few different bars and restaurants, met some people. I also got business work related things done too.
We watched football at a bar we never stopped in before. A little sketchy but not too bad. We were there a few hours and the woman that has given me attention I mentioned in an earlier post showed up. This bar is in her town, I've met her in mine where she has friends. We talked and visited. Nice and innocent. We left with her to another bar then to her place. Only innocent. She let me and my friend stay there whole she took a friend home and stayed with her.
She still gave me attention which was nice. She's a happy, flirty person and it does make me happy. In my earlier post I said I felt guilty, this time not so much. So I'm dealing with that. Don't know what to make of it. I don't think there will be anything to happen between us. I believe it's innocent and fun. I think she knows my situation through the mutual friends we have and I think she's just trying to help me out.
All in all a great weekend. Back home, back to work.
I think the texts were good. Nothing for a few days now. I do hear that she is definitely done with me, us, our marriage and still in the affair. I'm more accepting now and moving forward pretty good I say. I'm okay with it. I'm not sure we can get past this and be together without a real break, divorce, split. And with time to heal in between. My mind has been in a far better place recently and I feel good. Whatever happens happens. But I think this needs to be done and not stuck in limbo.
1) WAS will say that they're done and tell everyone in their circle that their M is over. 2) Affairs are temporary 3) Remember what MWD wrote in DR...that "believe none of what they say, but look at their actions."
This is a marathon, not a sprint. You've only been at this for almost 2 months. It took the marriage a long time to breakdown and it will take as much long to reconcile. I've been around the block here in DBland several times and I have seen that affairs do go on for several months to 1 -2 years before they fizzle out.
Don't listen to what your W and others tell you about the marriage. Just focus on you and do your own GAL activities.
Has W given you any hints and tips on where she's been unhappy? Those are important clues and make changes for YOU. You don't make changes just to win W back. She'll smell it like a shark smells blood 2 miles away. Do these changes BECAUSE you don't like what you're seeing and work on them for you.
The responsibility for the breakdown of a M is on both parties. Look at what you've contributed to the breakdown and do your part to make the changes. This is what we call 180s here.
Do you know what/which patterns you have that think could be improved on?
I'm making the changes for me. They will continue. My self esteem is up, I'm being more social, getting my work done, working on things I need to do-for me. It's going good.
I'm just thinking that we do need a legal split to figure things out for ourselves and what we are going to do for us if there's another chance for us together. But maybe live our own separate lives to figure it out.
Being stuck in limbo while she has an affair isn't working for me. I'm a patient person for the most part but the wait is grinding me down.
Since I live and work for her parents I'm not sure what'll happen. I know they love the work I do. I think they'll give me the choice to stay or go but I could be wrong. This is a current worry. I love this job and this area. I have something lined up if they do tell me to go and I decide to stay in the area. I wanted to move back to the city she's in but that was on the hope of getting back together because it won't happen here.
Things have changed in me recently-lost some hope(I believe it was false hope anyway), more social, being my normal acting self again, old hobbies, new friends, reconnecting with friends, different way of thinking, etc. I feel good about myself and it's for myself.
I've been reading it. It will help me but not this marriage. It is over. Yet I feel good about it. The more thought I've given things this is the way it has to be. If there is a chance for us again it won't be soon. I'm okay with this and feel good with myself. I've done what I could and will continue to better myself for me and what the future holds.
I talked to MIL lastnite and she agreed. Mostly we talked about work. I asked if I could stay here and her and FIL want me to, they asked me to. They were worried I'd leave. So that's set and good. I still have something setup in case this changes though. I'm still considering renting a place so I'm not living here but I will give this some time. See what happens in a month or two.
W got birth certificate and ID. So it's a matter of time till she files. I've been told I should file since there's abandonment and an affair. It will look better for me if I file.
