Sandi2's 37 Rules

[TryingToDo180]

you're welcome anytime you want to tell us something new that's happened in your life, either positive or negative then come here to post If there's anything in DR that you don't understand then ask questions on here. I'm sure someone will be able to help you out Look after yourself and your children and try to keep a healthy positive outlook on life

[peaceSJ]

I'm following these rules now, but it seems my H didn't notice the change at all. If any of you are doing it, could you share the results? I do need some sucessful stories to encourage me. Otherwise I don't know if I shoud give up my hope...

BTW, what is 180?

[TryingToDo180]

Hi Peace
Glad to see you're following Sandi's rules 180s are found in the divorce busting and divorce remedy books by MWD. She can describe them better than I can I'm sure a vet on here will be able to give you a good description of a 180. Sorry I can't be much help.
I try and follow Sandi's rules, but sometimes I miss one or two out because I forget them. You don't get an immediate result from Sandi's rules, it will take your H a while to even comment on them.
I suppose one of my successful rules is
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
Though I haven't yet mastered the hanging up first bit yet, lol.
When my H first told me he wanted a D, I didn't contact him. I let him contact me first. He came round on Weds and said I thought I'd tell you that I'm delaying the D for another month so you can finish your college work. I've not heard anything about his D since!
The thing that he said was that he thought I would phone him on the Monday to ask how his interview went and I didn't! He said he thought he'd better delay the D as he then realised that I wasn't speaking to him!
If I need to speak to him now, I text him once and if he doesn't answer then I don't text him again until he answers my first text. These texts are only sent if I need to speak to him about my son.
He always initiates contact with me now.
Occasionally you may find that you break one of Sandi's rules. Don't beat yourself up about this, just start again! I've done this and I'm sure everyone else on here has done it at some point. The thing is to get back to doing it straight away. I've got a thread here called DB newcomer - second thread, which you can read how I've been doing since applying Sandi's rules.
Hopefully someone will come here to explain 180s to you.
Keep up the good work, you're doing great

[peaceSJ]

Can anybody here give your input for my questions in other thread?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...684#Post2380684

Thanks,

[Ambivalent]

Hi Peace,

Let it be between he and your kids. This is part of the consequences of his decisions. You may choose to act " as if ". Just go ahead with your plans and try and enjoy the time with your kids, and not have him watching or in the same area as you.

Your husband is in the anger and resentment stage, so he's not into noticing anything positive about you right now. Just try and become mysterious. Think about how he has not told you where he's going, what he'll be doing, and do the same. He needs a TON of space right now, treat him like a neighbor. Pleasant enough, but not share your personal feelings, or everything that's going on inside of you. You are just starting out, and he sounds hostile. Back off, and get in your own rhythm. Start exercising it can save your sanity, gives you endorphins ( nature's anti-depressant ) will clear your head and release stress, while also allowing you to sleep better! Start reading, and then look for an activity or three to get your mind elsewhere!

[CRPL]

"15. When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative.

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebnody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that."

Hi everyone. I'm confused as to how these two rules work together. I'm still living with my wife who wants time/ space right now to think about our M. It's not in my personality to be short, we do talk a lot as friends now without any R talk.

[TryingToDo180]

CRPL adapt the rules to work with your sitch. What works with one, will not necessarily work with another sitch, es[especially in your case. Have you got a thread yet on the newcomers page that we can read more about your sitch and comment on where you're up to. A few of us on here still have spouses living at home, but don't want to be there. I can't advise properly as my H doesn't still live at home. Take care

[doug777]

Thank You for this - Great Read!

[WB2014]

I'm confused... But I only see 6 rules in the initial post??

[WB2014]

Never mind. I realized it's only like that on my iPad.