I get how you feel about wanting to respond just to be civil. But then all you need to do is respond to the email where she asked how you are, and all you have to say is, "great, thanks for checking in!" or something like what AS suggested.
You are throwing in that question to show her you care about her and are thinking about her, and because you want to keep up the contact, even though you have committed to NC. Right?
I would respond, just because I feel like basic manners require it, AND because I think that being rude by responding to nothing at all might drive her further away. But - I would say the bare minimum and keep it light and breezy. No questions, no showing you care, just a hi back. Just my $.02.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
You could just keep it simple and to the point, just respond to the email simply say what melissa and AS stated. I don't there is a need for a question though. Only you know what best for you though. If you want you could even say i'm giving us space, but i'm doing good!
I get the rudeness concern and if you were in a friendship with this person and on strong, equal footing, I would never say ignore someone.
That's not where you are right now. Boundaries are to protect you, boundaries are necessary for healthy Rs. It seems from what has happened in the past that she gives you an inch and you take a mile. And then you're hurt. We all do that, we see a a little light and we want to drive a Mack truck through it. Or there's the old don't scare the squirrel analogy.
How other people react to our boundaries is all on them. For the most part, people never react positively to boundaries.
As long as you're not coming from a rude or angry or punishing place you have right and responsibility to protect yourself.
It's difficult but necessary.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Yeah bug - i get it. I guess I feel like she showed a little bit of her hand over the past couple of days and if she has more to show, I didnt want to discourage her.
That may be premature but thats the way i think and that would be the way i think regardless of whether I answer her or not. I think i gave her a pretty bland response that doesn't mack truck the situation, but also doesnt give her any more reason to be irritable with me.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
ok. i was just checking in I guess. I'm going to (Dad's town) this weekend. Maybe we should try to meet up next week sometime. I'll talk to you at the beginning of the week.
Lots of brain ninja activity: What does she want to meet for? -to tell me she wants to proceed with D? -to tell me she wants to try to work on things? -to just hang out and make sure she can still have me around? Should I meet with her? Is this an attempt at an olive branch?
I guess I have some time this weekend to figure it out. I would love to ask her a bunch of questions but won't. I don't think I am even going to respond to the email.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
She doesn't want to tell you she wants a divorce. She wants to keep you close believe it or not. Plus, I don't think this stuff is easy for the WAS either, and that's not an excuse just what I believe. Try not to read to much into it. You're on the right path. As someone who got pulled in wayyyyyyy too many times by 'positive' reactions/behaviors, take it easy no sudden movements NO questions. My W told me once after a week or two of not talking, one night after we went to dinner it was suggested I spend the night atleast one night a week I was so happy... Guess how many times we did that? 0!! Lol, she told me the day I was coming to stay the night that I was pressuring her when she in fact was the one who suggested lol! So one step at a time. You are 'JOE COOL' nothing, and I mean NOTHING can sway you... ;-)
