1. I no longer wake up in the morning and have to remind myself that H left. My first thought is no longer FML. Don't get me wring there are still times that I think "I hate my life" but it is not the first thing to come to mind each day.
2. I turn up my radio and sing in the car during my commute. My commute had been my time to cry. It was also my time to listen to self help books. I am still reading but I am also enjoying being normal and just listening to stupid songs again.
I saw H tonight for the first time since last Friday. He looked pissed when I got home. I asked if everything was okay tonight. He said everything was fine and he had just fallen asleep with S5 and was tired. I just left it at that and did not ask any questions. He asked a few more random questions but was definitely short and cold. I just need to write this down so I can see that H is still on his dollar coaster with ups and downs. My goal is to remain steady these next few weeks since I have a feeling they will be trying.
3, that is great. I need a jumping cheerleader icon here!
I cannot wait for the day that I wake up and don't think FML or something similar immediately upon waking. Well, first I wish for the day that I could sleep through the night without waking up in the middle of the night and thinking "damn, my H is gone."
This is embarrassing, but every morning when I wake up, I get up and I grumble to the cat about what an a-hole his "father" is. Then, of course, I force myself to think of something to be grateful for. But I always wake up feeling grouchy. Thank goodness for my kids - they brighten up my morning.
Wonder what is up with your H. Good job on dropping the subject and being the strong and steady one!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
3-Sounds like you are getting that positive attitude back. You are such a great gal. Your H knows that. His mind is bleh right now. I love that you are cranking the tunes and being 'normal'- Remember before BD how we used to do those things?!
I'll be curious to follow your thread with boundaries. Those are always so sticky. I overheard my H tell D15 that he wants to spend time with them this weekend. Um, it's my weekend and we'll be out of town. Sigh. I guess if he actually asks me, then I'll have to remind him we have a schedule.
I love hearing you sound so well, 3.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Mg & Bg- Remember that the boundaries are to protect you...They truly help you take control of YOUR life and define what you want and how you are going to live it. I have seen all kinds of talk on here about confrontation, going DIM, going LRT, etc....IMHO boundary setting is the best action for your long term development. You start with easy ones (no more grumbling to the cat...lmao, I like that one) and then move up the ladder with different boundaries that represent your values and principles (not boundaries to control.....those never work). Soon you will find yourself happier and that everything is easier.
I am not sure why he could be angry. Honestly, it could be about me or he could be mad about work stuff or a million other things. In the past, I would have been upset if he was angry and would not share. But the lovely people on this board have taught me that it is not my problem and I cant fix him.
I am not sure if this has to do with his attitude last night, but I do think that H is probably getting tired of his current living situation. He is living with his parents and I am sure that it is not fun. I am preparing myself for H to consider making a change with his living situation at the end of February when he gets back from all his trips. He has mentioned getting his own place before, so I am not solely mind reading here, but I just need to be honest with myself where things may be heading.
That you handled his anger is excellent....Let him own it.
Think about his anger like taking the boys to the grocery store. They see candy and start screaming and begging you to get them some. Now you have a few ways to handle this;
Ignore their behavior and deal with the humiliation of shopping with screaming kids! (my personal favorite LOL)
Just give them the candy...Not to good as it rewards bad behavior.
Ask them to hush down...and then you will get them candy....Short term easy fix, not really focusing on the future.
Or D....Trudge through the embarrassment and then afterwards calmly explain that you expect them to be quiet while shopping and that if they are, then you will get them candy. This is really the best one. Expectations (boundaries) are set and then the kids either learn what is acceptable or get no candy.
You have set your expectations (boundaries) up....Now he isn't happy because in the past you crumbled into giving him candy quickly. So now the weight of your boundary is on him....Does he want the candy enough to follow the boundaries or not is the eventual question.
Hi 3! Wow, you have had a lot going on lately. Your posts on 1/17-1/22 really hit home with me. I have gotten to the same point where I am tired of all the BS and him not wanting to change or believe that anything can change. In fact, I gave him the speech the other day, when out of the blue he asks if I'd thought about a mediator. Out of the blue, inserting it into casual convo about the dogs and son as if it were a mere pittance. That was it for me.
I have yet to reach out to a L, but H still has not moved on or out and is now acting like things are 'normal' again.
You sound so strong my lady, and I have missed you! This is all so hard. With the exception of the alcohol, your H sounds just like mine! Complacent to live his life as is and not wanting to change. And you know what? You are so much more worthy of him and you deserve to be loved the way you need to be loved. Don't forget that, please. And yes, there is someone out there who would love you and your little children, all together.
{{{HUG}}} big time from me.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
