I slept upstairs again last night, then out early to try a 7am yoga class, my first, something I've wanted to try for a while now. W made lunch and dinner. She looked at me after a while during dinner conversation, with eyes less reproachful than normal, and then even gave me an article she found interesting. Not that it matters as to our M's future, but at least we talked a bit, and she gave something to me, which I think might be significant somehow given our income disparity.
Spent time with d15 today, giving her a backrub she requested, and watching three episodes of The Office together. Rainy cold outside. She has a concert tomorrow, which I'll go to, presumably with lunch before.
MLC - not sure how to come up with the cash to buy out her half of the house. Sure, I can pay the mortgage, but half the house is not just a few farthings.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Sandi - I'd like my daughter to be able to feel the same. I need to work on understanding how to build more of a R with her. Hopefully a T I've spoken with a few times will have some ideas.
I would have been privileged to meet your dad.
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I slept upstairs again last night, then out early to try a 7am yoga class, my first, something I've wanted to try for a while now. W made lunch and dinner. She looked at me after a while during dinner conversation, with eyes less reproachful
This is because you are growing a pair around W! Keep on keeping on in that direction...L-U-K-E!!! See? The house did not fall on your head.
Reasonably calm day. Slept upstairs again. Girls breakfast and run earlier than I do, but I got to stay longer in bed. Take d15 to Stockholm, stopping on the way to look at running shoes, and eat lunch. Her concert was good, nice to see so many musical kids at school on a Sunday. Ask d15 what I could do to be a better dad on way home, she says "cook different recipes" and "clean the house more", not exactly the answer I was expecting regarding her LL. Felt reasonably assertive with W at dinner. You can still feel the deadness of the relationship, but at least the zombie moves a bit sometimes.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
OH my Sandi... what a beautiful memory of your father.
Luke, I am fortunate... I have my dad & we have a special relationship... we occasionally hold hands while eating dinner (nice huh??) I encourage your relationship with her... maybe ask her which foods she would like you to make...then drag her to the grocery store to buy the ingredients and ask her to show you how to make it... (time spent)
As for the bedroom, glad to hear you have claimed it back... Keep it up.
AWESOME Stuff !!!
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks for the ideas. I realized that making new recipes and cleaning house more are both acts of service, so ARE a LL. They are also both things I can do, thank goodness.
You are lucky - holding hands is wonderful (and very occasionally my daughter would grab mine as we walked to the train station). I've sent off an SMS asking what she would like for dinner, listing some of the odds and ends ingredients the refrigerator contains just now.
Slept upstairs again last night. I think d15 and w switched beds, maybe because w didn't want to hear me as much? Whatever -. I kind of like having d15 nearer anyway (she talks sometimes in her sleep).
W spent 3 hours in the garden yesterday (we have no snow, and temps in the high 30s, though at 60 degrees north), while d15 and I were away. In preparation for selling? Just to clean up? To enjoy it a last time? Whatever - I cannot change what she does. Funnily enough, I'd been thinking last week of clipping the apple trees again, a lovely activity when the weather is good, and today it is. Perhaps that will be my housecleaning today.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
My sister said I should look at this (probably happening) D as an opportunity, and so I wonder how to do it better next time. What advice can you offer regarding a second partner?
I can think of two examples, both being related on how to maintain a good M, one being to reserve a fixed night per week for a date with said partner, and the other being to ban electronics from the bedroom, at least within some time of going to bed (e.g. akin to people on a date both being on their cell phones, how romantic...). Of course, said partner needs to be found, wooed, etc, etc, during which I imagine Mr. Murphy will intrude in some ironic way...
Thanks,
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"You forgot self and mutual respect and good communication."
Amen!
Luke, what you don't seem to get is that a relationship is made of unknowns. And it will be up to YOUR ability to adapt to make those relationships thrive. Your list is fine, but it is (like your whole life currently) too structured. You are too proper and polite. Life doesn't work that way.
Get rid of the fear.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Other than claiming back your bedroom, what else have you done to achieve self-respect? What is another area that you can do this? HINT: Think of other ways that you gave yourself away, and need to claim back... (as I type this question, I realize that I need to answer it myself)
I really like the ideas of no electronics in the bedroom and frequent date nights...
As for hand holding... my dad is now 80 and I am ...well, 37! (maximum!!).
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Ah, but you can at least try to structure it a bit, and use your mind when doing so is useful (perhaps this is my training and German background showing).
Of course emotion is there too. I'm not a machine. I can be wildly in love.
My list was just examples, not the big points gabbysmom brought up, to which I say amen also.
I'm just looking for some perhaps useful ideas. If you could redo the whole wife and marriage thing, is there something you feel might make it better? For example, The NY Times had an article this week about marriage: "...spouses who spent “time alone with each other, talking, or sharing an activity” at least once per week were 3.5 times more likely to be very happy in their marriage than spouses who did so less frequently. ...spouses with a larger percentage of shared friends spent more time together and had better marriages."
Stuff like that -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
