I've been trying very hard to not get in a fight or talk about relationship and if he brings it up I agree we need to be apart. Now I need to work on less talking/texting. He'll never know what it's like without me if we talk all the timw?? Or am I wrong?
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Sorry Job. I didn't see your first reply. So I guess we we're thinking a like.:)
As far as he being there for me. That's on and off. If we are all chatty and all is going well he seems to want to do things. But then he will cut it off and there is not always a reason for him stop communication. Sometimes I know his current job is stressful and takes a ton of his time and he kind of becomes brain dead. The H gets rest and back to chatty. However, it's just me he cuts off. Not kids or friends...and there sometimes he disappears because of some kind of issue we have with each other. I really think he needa to know life without me!!. I just wish I could go to an island for a month with no phone! Lol
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
A large majority of the posters are fixers that post here. It is difficult to undo what we have learned, but we need to allow them to learn to crawl, toddle and then walk because it's all part of the growing up process, i.e., just as you would allow a toddler to learn how to walk. This was suppose to be their parents' responsibility, not ours.
The reason he may cut you off is because he begins to "warm up" to you and in order to remain separated, etc., he needs to feel dead and/or cold in order to justify why he left. It's normal for them to come close and warm up and then disappear. It's not unusual that the friends and other family members tend to stay in the mix while you have been cut off. So, I wouldn't worry too much about it...it's normal.
Your man needs to grow up and calling home to "mom" to discuss what he's doing needs to be curtailed just a wee bit. He needs to see what it would be like if you weren't around 24/7 to support him and provide him w/ego kibbles.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As usual thanks Jobs for the great insight and advice!! I know in let him fall on his own! Quit being his mother!!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Another challenge for me is trying to go to them for a longer length of time. H seems to not be able to go more than about 24 hours without talking to me as well. I recently told him that I agreed we needed to be divorced and move on with our lives like he wants to. I told him it's not up to me to file for divorce, its up to him because he's the one who wanted it first. He says he doesn't have any money to get one right now. Now he is being really nice and seems to want to talk?? They seem to always try to sabotage things I thought I was the queen of sabotage. It always starts out with the kids and moves on to whatever topic. H didn't talk much about kids really before unless I brought it up. I have my work cut out for me. Its one thing to try to control yourself from contacting them but ad in H contacting you and its twice the challenge! ! Ugh
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I have decide to start dating a guy I had been seeing kind of last month. I was confused due to what had been going on with H and feelings I couldn't control. I know feel I am in a better frame of mind to date again. Not serious but at least date and get back out there and get my mind off H. We'll see how that does. I really think I need to move in this time and not try to reconcile with H. I wanted to do whatever it took 7 years ago. I have different feelings this time and a lot of up and down which I know is normal. But I tend to be leaning to the I am lucky for a new start and a new hopefully better relationship. Time will tell....
Funny how last time I could only see the good in our marriage and this time I see and am reminded of all the bad???
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I was wondering how many if any men tell their wife the OW wasn't the reason they left. It was just our unhappy relationship. OW had nothing to do with it? Maybe true but it was definitely a catalyst id think??
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I was wondering how many if any men tell their wife the OW wasn't the reason they left. It was just our unhappy relationship. OW had nothing to do with it? Maybe true but it was definitely a catalyst id think??
Something else I was wondering too. My H seems to just want to have EA no sex. He's pretty open with me. OW lives e hours away only te t/talk. H aslo met another women who he went to a party with. Says just friends and talk. He says he doesn't know if he or she wants to date. Plus he has no money and has to work. Work is his new relationship now (I'm saying that)
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Mine did. Said it wasn't an affair because for him the marriage was over..had been over for 2 weeks. he just hadn't told me yet... His list of my errors and sins changes with each conversation basically I did nothing righf for 14 years and he was unhappy all that time. ?.
mine said it too, - full blame was given to me. also didn't tell me that things were bad for the past year... "and the oscar goes to..."
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
