I would like some help, some advice please. My husband has announced he no longer loves me and no longer wants to be married. He will give no explanations. He has been away from our home for 4 weeks now, and has barely visited or spoken to me. We have 3 beautiful children under 6 who are missing him very much, they don’t understand. He has cut off contact with them too, seeing them once a week for an hour or 2. Neither do I. I thought we had a happy marriage, all be it with normal stresses, like money ,work , not getting to spend much time together. I never thought we were at this point. It’s like he has had a personality transplant. Up until the week before Christmas he was normal, affectionate and loving. Then it was like shutters came down inside him and will not open up. All he will say is he doesn’t love me, he has felt this way for a long time, he doesn’t think we’d be together if it weren’t for the children. He says I am horrible person he can’t stand to be around d and he doesn’t want to wake up in 30 years having been miserable the whole time. He refuses to speak to me about it at all and says this is how he feels, there is nothing else to say. I don’t know where he has been for the past month, he says with friends I don’t know. His wages have still gone into the joint bank account so I have tried to keep things going as normal as I can. I have had 3 counsellor sessions that I invited him to, he said he would attend each one but pulled out at the last minute each time. He wants to discuss officially separating today and I am so frightened of this conversation. I really don’t want this. We are in Australia and you have to be separated for 12 months before you can divorce, which is a small comfort, but he is so adamant. He doesn’t seem bothered either by the effect this us having on our children. Our daughters are 4 and 5 and they are missing him so much. Their behaviours have changed, they are very emotional and angry. I have just read the divorce remedy, and I have already implemented the GAL as best I can (since he has left me with the kids on my own) and I have stopped all contact with him (unless it's about the children) and his family. He will not speak to me, except via text message. He has started texting me asking me what I am doing, and when but i don't know if that is a good sign or if he is just trying to be controlling. I am suspicious of him having an affair, which he denies. It's almost like a midlife crisis, that he is running from responsibility but he is only 29. I jus don't know what to do. Thanks.
Hi, I'm a newbie so bear with me as I learn how to use this forum. I've been married 10 years, together 17. I'm 42 and he's 55. 3 years ago I had an affair. I ended it and we have been working on rebuilding for several years. He seemed to be fighting for me the first year and I responded by loving and spoiling him. I thought we were doing fine but on January 6th he announced out of the blue that he saw a lawyer and wants a divorce. There was no discussing it, his mind was made up. He won't go to counseling, I am reading lots of books on how to save your marriage alone. I received the marriage dissolution papers and he knows I don't want this divorce, but I felt that delaying it would only make him more angry. I took them to a lawyer and they are fair so I signed them. Now we're in a 2 month waiting period assuming he signed and returned them. He doesn't like to talk about it so I don't bring it up. He's still living in our house, I asked him to stay during the 60 day period and he declined. There has been zero fighting, we are still intimate and sleeping in the same bed. At first I was pursuing him and fighting to save it, then I realized it didn't seem to be helping. I started reading DB and am now distancing myself and attempting to GAL. I just saw the abbreviations so i'm still learning what all those mean. I have no idea when he's moving out. He says that he just can't forgive me. He has told no one. He has held in this anger all this time and I didn't realize it - he wasn't showing it. I've done everything I can to show him that I love him. He recently started testosterone replacement therapy and that's when I think some of these changes came on, he got confidence back which is a good thing and some women at his office were hitting on him and it seems maybe he thinks the grass is greener on the other side now. I really think 17 years is worth fighting for. I have apologized sincerely many times, I stopped all contact with the OM, I really thought it was in the past - that is where I want to keep it. I realize it takes years to heal from my mistake and it seemed that we were. Apparently he has decided it's not worth fighting for and this is the only way he can heal. Basically i'm here reading and looking for support. I'm hoping that he will want to reconcile, but I don't think he'll be open to that until he actually moves out. Thanks for listening.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Im new here - been hanging around in the back for a few weeks, but now it is really time to post.
JUst posted my sitch in the Newbies section - called "I need all the help I can get"
My W is a classic WAW, and I can really see our M when I read Michelles WAW description.
We live in the same house - same bed - and have 2 young children S3, D1.
I need help implementing GAL, 180 and detatchment. I want to go dark but it really is hard in the same house, and I don't want to alienate or leave my kids.
im a very needy guy and really struggling.
Thanks for listening D
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
Short version. Been together for 6 years (married over 4). Two kids (5, 2). Have grown distant after birth of 2nd child. Wife dropped the "we need to talk" bomb on 1/2/14. Made every mistake possible for the next four weeks. Acting suspicious for no reason. Looking at internet history/phone records. Etc. Started fighting nearly every day in late-January. Finally came to a head on 1/24/2014 which led to a separation (me leaving the house to stay elsewhere because my wife is a stay-at-home-mom). Try MC on 2/7/14. Found out that I was totally committed to saving the marriage and my wife realized how happy she is with me not being there. Not sure how much of that is the truth with her but her outward emotions/mood are constantly mixed. She is now getting a job and indicated she wants to get her own place once she has a job. Could be weeks, could be months, could never happen.
Me: 33 W: 27 S: 5 D: 2 Bomb: 1/2/14 First Separation: 1/25/14 MC: 2/7/14 (one time only) Moved Back in: 3/31/14 W says she wants a divorce and moves out: 7/26/14 Appt to sign dissolution: 12/30/14
nice to meet ya - guess we found the right place - I felt like I was the only one going through all this crap and after reading so many current stories I know I'm not alone. Hopefully these boards will help you too, we're all here to listen and some of the others that have been through this will help us out with advice I'm hoping
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I tried posting a new topic under "For Newcomers" and nothing happened. Are topics/postings held on moderation before they are shown? I don't see my entry anywhere.
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
Hello, W-dropped the bomb on me that she is done with the M and she has no desire to fix it. She has been to two counseling sessions and it seems she gets more distant after these sessions.
We have been married for 3 1/2 years and together for 6yrs. She has a son 14 and I have a daughter 11. this is my second marriage. We have a house together.
W told me today 2/13/14 she has filed for D, My heart sank!, I held my composer, she did bring up the relationship and how it has given her great pain to come to this. I did tell her that I know it wasnt easy coming to this conclusion. I did give her a request, asking for more time, she said no. I have begun making changes to myself all ready. I don't suspect an affair, however she seen that I have familywhere (tracking system)on our cell phones and that really made her angry, she told me it was crazy to track her, it tracks mine, hers and my D. That seem to cause her to file. I say this because up until this point she kissed me and said I love you everday before she left for work. The last time she did was Tues 2/11/14. She even stopped calling me.
W has told me one of the biggest issues is how her son and I have a strained relationship. I met her when he was 8yrs old and he was running the house. What I mean is he was still sleaping in her bed, watching t.v till late hours even on school nights etc... I told W that he should be in his own bed at that age. Make a long story short we broke him of some of these habits and I believe this caused a strain on our relationship. I eventually backed off after we went to counseling about it after we got married near the first year of marriage.
W told me there is nothing that I can do to change this. She has told me her complaints in the past, like drinking to much, not spending time with her, not spending family time and not helping around the house. The sad part is I had this book DB before from my first marriage and my wife then had several affairs and I never went back to reading the DB principals. I fell in a rut.
I'm a Police Officer and I see a very negative world, I see the worst of worst in people and what they do to one another and I allowed myself to escape it by drinking and then not having any energy for my W and Kids.
I feel like such a failure, I must maintain control and order on the streets and I cant even keep a family together.
W told me she should of left 2 yrs ago and I knew about DB and I did nothing. I did admit my wrong doings to her and apologized for failing our M and family. She cried and told me this isnt easy, I tod her I know. She then went to bed. So this is where I'm at. I have to get some goals together and my main one is no drinking no matter how bad I feel.
If you go to "mystuff" near the top, then click on "posts" it will show you what you posted. they are in moderation though since we're new.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I am so sorry to hear your story. I can relate, my H told me he wanted a D on 1/6 and my heart dropped too. I did a lot of the wrong things at first - thought I was fighting for the marriage by pursuing but seems that it just pushed him away so now i've done a 180 and am detaching - GAL. I too asked him to stay, he knows I don't want the D but the papers are now going through. I signed because to delay would only make him mad and I have to let him go and hope he figures out the grass isn't greener. I think mine is in a MLC though. Read everything you can on here, it really helps. I haven't gotten responses to my posts yet but it does help just reading what others have gone through and the advice given and tips on what helps. If her mind is made up, you can't change it, you can't control it, she has to do that on her own. Give her space, focus on changing yourself and she will notice. Read the book again, I'm reading The Divorce Remedy and everything I can on mid life crisis. Every day is a new day, just take it one a time. You're not alone.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
It does sound like it could be MLC. There is a board on here that has A LOT of good information about that and tips - I've been reading it, I think my H is in one too. Similar situation, out of the blue he asks for a D. He hasn't moved out yet but will in a few weeks I think. I asked to work on it and he does not want to, his mind is made up. Currently trying to detach and GAL. He has to figure this out on his own. Read everything you can about it and see if it fits. Keep posting, we can help each other.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
