My husband is moving out tomorrow. Well soon to be ex husband. He dropped the bomb on 1/6 and I had not seen it coming at all. The papers were filed and I signed them because there was no changing his mind, no sense fighting it, he wanted to be friendly. He doesn't want to work on it at all so I did all the wrong things first and then read DR and came here. Now i'm attempting to GAL, and detaching. We do not discuss the relationship at all. I don't ask questions, he offers nothing but talks about his work. I suspect an EA but separated the phone accounts so I don't look at bills anymore. It won't change anything if I know, only hurt me. I think he's in replay phase. He is almost a stranger yet sometimes he's still the same man I love so I pray for reconciliation. I'm hoping after he leaves that maybe he'll see that the grass isn't greener. He was sneaking things out of the house instead of just telling me he's moving. I finally asked. It was a relief. I hate the wondering. I read over the rules often and now when he leaves tomorrow I will go dark. We have no children but we do have a lot of pets that he loves. I don't know if he'll just be gone for good or will have contact. I will be patient and wait and see. It's super painful but I'm really trying to stay strong and hoping when he's gone I can heal. I have plans on painting, moving furniture and already removed all photos and things that were his or remind me of him. I have an early spring cleaning planned as well. I am going forward as if he will never come back. I was thinking some good things are that I will no longer be awakened by snoring or him getting out of bed several times a night to pee, smoke, eat, or whatever. I can watch what I want, sleep in on weekends, not feel like i'm walking on eggshells anymore. I so do not want this D but I feel in a way that he's giving me release from the past. I hope that the move out means the hardest part is over lol. I have been reading so many posts and just wonder what will happen next. I'm trying to Let Go and Let God. Thanks for listening, it helps to just vent it out and know I'm not alone.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
He has packed up tonight, this is really hard to watch. I'm really trying to be strong and not cry. I don't want him to see me crying or sad about it. Trying to detach. Not sure what I should be doing. I knew it was coming but didn't realize how hard it would be. Tomorrow maybe I can start to heal. Just having a pity party right now
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I'm sorry T. I'm sure Cadet will be along to list some suggested reading and give you homework.
I know this stinks. I know it hurts like he!! Take care of yourself this weekend as best you are able. Reading other people's situations helped me a lot when things were fresh. Reading reminded me that I wasn't alone. You're aren't alone.
I suggest slowing down and try to avoid your H as much as possible, at least for a few days, to give yourself some space.
Pity parties are fine, but balance those times with some action so you can feel your own strength.
You are in a good place here on the boards. You will find lots of loving, encouraging support.
Do you have friends or family to spend time with this weekend?
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thank you Lois. He left this morning, so this is my first night alone. I cried and cried but at the moment i'm ok. bed time will be weird. He just left, said see ya later and walked out the door. no anything after 17 years, no hug, no care about anyone but himself. Maybe he just didn't know how to say goodbye or wanted to avoid an emotional scene, I don't know. It's done now. He said he might stop by tomorrow to get the last of his things. I changed the lock code on the door and got my garage door opener back. I reorganized the closet since it's completely empty on his side, now it's all mine and clean. Tomorrow i'll rearrange some more things, keeps me busy and thinking of other things. I did have lunch with 2 girlfriends. Talked with my mother and brother and that helped. Just feels like my other half was ripped from my body and is hanging there bleeding. Even the pets are acting confused. It'll get better I know, just this first night is really difficult. Thank you again for responding.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
My H was diagnosed with Low testosterone 6 months or so ago and started taking injections. I think this is when the changes started and maybe threw him into the MLC. he dropped the bomb on me 1/6. I was just curious if anyone here had any experience with testosterone replacement. He did improve after taking it but now he's angry more and his red blood cell count was high, they had him go donate blood and stop taking the shots for a few weeks, now he's back on them. I think he has an imbalance. He started smoking again shortly after starting the testosterone shots after we both worked so hard to quit. He kept that secret for a long time. He started flirting more and told me he almost didn't come home so that he could have a PA with a coworker. He's moving out tomorrow. I'm letting him go and following all the sandi's rules but was just curious if there's any others here with a similar thing going on.
Try to stick to one thread until 100 posts
Read the post I just put on Georgiabelles thread.
Odds are the testosterone is not going to help, sorry.
I'm sorry you find yourself here. You will get fantastic advice from a warm and honest group. The best advice I can give is to detach, detach, detach! It's not easy, but when your spouse is acting like someone you don't know, it's much easier.
Take care of yourself :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks Georgiabelle, I see we are on a similar timeline, you're just a bit ahead of me. Last night was the hardest, today I did not cry at all. I've been reading these boards for a few weeks now after getting my DR book. Today I rearranged furniture, cleaned house, decluttered the kitchen and put up a new shower curtain and liner and cleaned bathrooms. Also washed all the bedding and changed bed spreads. I kept busy all day changing the house up a bit for ME. I colored my hair, I already lost 20 lbs and felt strong today. He called to make arrangements to pick up the last of his things tomorrow. I only said "hello" and he talked and I said "ok" and then "bye". I know I probably shouldn't have answered the call. He is like a stranger now. I will continue to GAL and I'm not contacting him. Acting "as if" he won't come back because I know in my heart he may not. Still hoping though. Thanks for listening, i'm going to go read more of my homework now!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
He came by tonight to get the last of his things. I was kind and helped him load and had made my dinner so I offered to share. He did eat dinner with me and left shortly after with a "see ya later". After 17 years that's all I got. lol. well I didn't really expect anything else but I did not pursue and acted as if all was ok and I was fine. You know what, I am. I didn't cry after, the first night was the hardest. Now I figure he won't contact me and I don't plan on contacting him except for the remaining bills he is supposed to pay half of. It was weird, he only talked about work and asked me how mine was. I was nice but asked no questions about where he moved to or anything personal. Giving him space. I read all my "homework" today and have a better understanding about MLC. Now I will practice being patient and GAL and see if he contacts me again. I have no choice but to let go and let God.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I am so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like you handled yourself well tonight! NC is a good idea! So is GAL! Hang in there and take care of you!
Hugs, CW
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
