Unlearning conflict avoidance - 10

[MrBond]

How to improve your marriage without talking about it

project happily ever after

why can't you read my mind

communication miracles for couples.

There are many.

[LuckyLuke]

Thx, Mr. Bond. I'll look into them.

Update: window was not properly latched (pulled tight to seal) this morning, by W. D15 again declined to go for a walk yesterday; I maybe saw her for 30 minutes, while she did pilates in the room next to mine. Took neighbor woman, W to my musician friend, to yoga last night, pleasant to socialize a bit. Ran into guy who wants to bike with me when I went for a walk. Goal today is to do something with d15. Still haven't seen movie yet and she declines walk offers...

Luke

[LuckyLuke]

I am finding it hard to not take d15's disinterest in spending time with me personally. Do I need to turn the other cheek to this? Feeling negative again, d15 and W home all week, with me, but I see d15 maybe an hour a day only. Should I not care if she doesn't spend time with me, turn away, and just do what I want instead?

She just made lunch, for which I set the table, but she turned down my offer of further help. We are eating pesto tonight "to get rid of it", which smacks of leaving yet again. She then disappeared upstairs with W. I offered her to come running with me, though the weather stinks today.

Feeling sour at my W also - do I need to be civil? Or just ignore her and d15? This is frustrating, when the people you care or cared about don't seem to do the same for you. Luke

[LuckyLuke]

d15 went running with W instead. Oh well. Luke

[LuckyLuke]

Hi GM,

Yes, I know d15 is important, and do have the feeling she is scared to choose me over dominating W. Just feelin' lonely. I also think D could help here. Helped prep a door today for painting, in the interest of moving things along and starting a new life.

Thx, Luke

[MrBond]

"Yes, I know d15 is important, and do have the feeling she is scared to choose me over dominating W."

Mindreading. You're just blameshifting things back onto your W again. Your poor relationship with your D happened long before this. You've mentioned it before. Only you can start opening that door again.

What else does she like to do? Try something different. Do something that your W would never do with her. You W offers her things that you can't just as much as you do.

"Just feelin' lonely. I also think D could help here."

It's not HER job to make you feel better. YOU need to do something about that.

Don't keep ignoring things or going out with someone else. You caused this, now you need to fix it.

[MrBond]

And have you learned how to hug your daughter yet? All of these years she's seen you as stuffy, afraid, etc. You need to and CAN change her perception of you. What do you talk about on your walks? Are they superficial talks or do you have deep heart to hearts?

[MrBond]

GM,

LL's mentioned before how he feels awkward around his kids since they were young. Now that they're older, it's much harder to get that playful father/child relationship back. But not impossible.

It's not your fault.

[PatientMan]

Update: window was not properly latched (pulled tight to seal) this morning, by W.

Your W was obviously testing you. What did you do?

Feeling sour at my W also - do I need to be civil? Or just ignore her and d15? This is frustrating, when the people you care or cared about don't seem to do the same for you. Luke

Never, EVER stop pursuing your children with fatherly love. EVER!

This is not advice. This is law.

-PM

[LuckyLuke]

Hi PM,

Pulled the bloody window tight. I am not going to play games with my W. She knows that the window leaks air (you can feel it), and is just being an irrational, hypocritical b---h.

d15 and I just watched Cocteau's Orpheus together. No, though it may hurt at times, I will not stop loving my d15 and s20. I've always told my d15 that I signed a piece of paper committing me to doing so, and it is true (the loving part, that is).

Luke