I really wanted to walk with her, spend time with her, had looked forward to it. She'd also not been definitive on going to the movie this morning, and when she backed out of the walk, I felt it was yet another chance to be together going down the drain.
W and d15 spent all morning together, had walked to town for a haircut and shopping. I felt like I was not seeing much of my daughter at all, being shortchanged.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"I really wanted to walk with her, spend time with her, had looked forward to it. She'd also not been definitive on going to the movie this morning, and when she backed out of the walk, I felt it was yet another chance to be together going down the drain."
I don't know if you can see how much of your relationship with your D is similar to your relationship with your W. You get "turned down" (which your D was perfectly in her right to do) and instead of understanding and adapting, you got angry and sulked not saying anything.
"W and d15 spent all morning together, had walked to town for a haircut and shopping. I felt like I was not seeing much of my daughter at all, being shortchanged."
THAT is up to you to change. You've already isolated yourself from W so now it's like you're seeing your D as a toy that you need to share with a kid whom you don't like.
You've got to get over this before you lose touch with your D in general.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The only thing I wanted to add on the topic of not saying anything to your W is that silence is seen as your consent.
Every time your daughter sees you not answering, objecting, or speaking up to her mother........it shows her you agree with whatever Mother said. So your silence is saying a lot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I like PM's advice to do the right thing now - the thinking or feeling what that is keeps me on track. I think the next thing is to ask them to properly latch the windows - we need to stop the drafts in this old house, and they have an annoying habit of only half latching them (and yes, I know this is a completely reasonable request that I have the right to make).
Thanks,
Luke
Good.
Don't forget the part about slaying your dragon. (To be clear, that is standing up to your W. Not standing up to her as in picking a fight for the sake of creating a conflict, just standing your ground when applicable and setting new, healthy boundaries on what is permissible treatment of you ad behavior towards you...AKA, NOT avoiding conflict .)
You can do it! And I think once you start, it will empower you and become contagious. Just get that first one out of the way!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Just asked wife to properly latch windows. She annoyedly responded that it doesn't much tighten the window upstairs, which is true, but I said that it does downstairs and that not doing so is just energy out the window otherwise.
Thanks PM.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I think she did listen a bit, as she got annoyed. Yes, I've read Crucial Conversations... , which talks about communicating with one's spouse. As I recall, it seemed overly complicated. I've also read the Power of a Positive No, which was simpler.
Can you recommend something?
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
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