I was just wondering if it was right for me to in essence lie to the children.
It is NOT right for YOU to lie to the children. At the same token YOU DO NOT NEED to offer up things to them if they do not ask.
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To take on a partial burden of guilt that might not neccessarily be due me.
I would worry less about taking on “guilt” – on one level BOTH you and your W are guilty. It takes two to make an M and two to break it.
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Anyone know the particulars of legal separation versus divorce?
Depends on the state that you live in. In my state (CT), a legal separation means that you determine things like parenting plans, finances, etc. but that you in still married on some level. Usually people do this for tax or health benefit reasons, which it sounds like the reason she did the legal separation.
I think the question YOU need to ask yourself is ….IS the legal separation what YOU want?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
This is so crazy. I should get served papers next week, maybe as soon as tomorrow. Meanwhile, here I sit in my chair, kids outside playing, my wife sitting in her chair. We both just pretend neither is here.
I ponder what to say, what would get a conversation going, what would be a good 180 thing to do. And the answer right now is nothing. I will just go about my own business and wait to get served papers. I literally cant think of anything that would benefit 'us'......guess that is why we can only work on ourselves. Time for another Wayne Dyer video!
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
I ponder what to say, what would get a conversation going, what would be a good 180 thing to do. And the answer right now is nothing.
I disagree with the answer of “nothing”.
I think the answer is to find YOUR happiness.
To do things that make YOU smile
To do things that make YOU laugh.
Sitting around….waiting for the divorce to happen seems depressing and unattractive. He’ll if she is sitting next to you and not talking….maybe you should get up, go out and have some fun.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You are right. Reread the LRT and other portions of DR today. Definatley where we are. Yesterday I did finally get off my a** and took the kids to the library and then the playground.
Tonight I get to spend more time with them as the wife is at work. Went and got new sandbox sand, cleaned out the old (stinky decomposing stuff!), washed the box and filled. Now they are contendedly out playing.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
I think the activities with the kiddos is great. You do need to find some activities with YOU - without the kids.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You are right. Too much introspection will be the death of my R and me. 'My mind is like a dangerous neighborhood, it should never be walked in alone'.
I will go a concert at the university tomorrow...maybe an AA meeting as well. Sounds like I will be sending the wife a text tomorrow saying 'won't be home until late'!
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
Sounds like I will be sending the wife a text tomorrow saying 'won't be home until late'!
You dont send no text messages, you do those things for you and that means learn how to not look for external forms of attention...so goodbye to every search for attention of others...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
"Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point."
That is a difficult line for me to visualize. Where does the hope end and the codependency begin?
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
Today I go in to pick up my copy of the divorce filings. I had overslept this morning so my wife wrote me a note about going in to pick them up. I woke up before they left this morning though so we had a brief conversation about it.
Doing what I thought was a 180, I pointed at the note and said jokingly 'about time'. You know, rather than being sullen about it or begging/pleading against it I thought that would be something unexpected.
Man did she get pissed! She says something like 'I am so sorry it took three days for the court filing process'. So anyway, sometimes you just can't win.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
