would like to add, that he did seem concerned about the impact that all this stuff will have on our relationship. He said he is concerned about the impact.
He also asked about my interest in a friend of his house? she is listing it soon and he wondered if I was interested. I said I won't really know until I have all my money sorted out... I asked if he was interested. He quickly replied with a nod/yes and then asked if I meant as a purchase together or an investment together. I said.. I don't know, no relationship talk and I need to sort my finances.
He also told me that our landlord for one property contacted him, asking what his/our offer would be on the property we rent. She is selling. xh is very interested and wanted to know my interest. I questioned if I will have enough money to go around,etc. He tried to point out how I will have a lot of money very fast.
He wants to help me in any way possible. I don't want a big brother or a friend (not now, anyway)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Good morning GM... the situation is likely that... what do I do with that info? I would love to have physical contact, sex, etc.... but.... I WANT MORE! I just don't know what behaviours I can have to display that.
I'm likely hanging on to his every word.... although I don't remember them all. LOL I am posting them here to share.
As for shopping... its only a possibility if there is time... only small window. This weekend agenda is apparently a jammed one. Emotionally exhausting. I wouldn't have lied to him, the point of this trip is not "shopping"...its the transformation in me. Im very excited.
Hoping these next few days go smoothly....looking forward to a confident & better ME!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Trust me, he knows, you have said it a million times. You have " displayed" those behaviors time and time again. He knows! But he doesn't want it right now. His behaviors display he does not want more right now.
It's not complicated. At all. It may not be easy, but it's not complicated. Either you have sex knowing it won't lead to more and be fine with that, or you don't. Those are your choices. Simple. Chose one. There is nothing more you can do.
And there it is, Magic. ^^^ 15,000 word convos over coffee really don't change the basic crux of your whole "stuckness." You can describe it sixteen ways from Sunday, but there it is in a nutshell, at least to this dispassionate outside observer.
He's been this way for what, 20 years? At this point, while I detest his lack of commitment and character, I almost think it's unfair of YOU to really expect him to be anything more than what he is. It really DOES just come down to what you want to with that discrepancy -- the difference between Who He Is and Who You WANT Him to Be.
Yes... I see that he wants sex.... he could be having sex elsewhere, but hasn't. He has chosen not too. He is possibly interested in sex with me, but keeping his back door open. I know he is not ready to commit. I know I cannot just have sex, as I would have expectations. I think he is concerned that I would be hurt, so he wants to be certain he wants more from me too. He has mentioned f-buddy situations and how he doesn't see how that could work, as one is always wanting more, then getting hurt.
GM.. I am not a liar. I am not interested in lying to him. I have told him about all other shopping trips. I have not withheld any of my outings from him in the past, even if it meant hearing the wrath. I have always been truthful. I was not looking for a loop hole either. My point about not shopping THIS time, is that its busy season and I didn't want him to feel that I was avoiding my business responsibility for a shopping trip.
GM... I know I cannot make him want more... that will have to come from him (If he wants more with me).... I know he used to think that I wanted more, but now he has dropped some suggestions and comments that he doesn't know what I want. I think, its possible that is why he may be more interested in R talk, to see where I stand. It sure feels like thats what he is doing.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"He has mentioned f-buddy situations and how he doesn't see how that could work, as one is always wanting more, then getting hurt."
this is simply him gauging your interested in being his f-buddy.
so was his pissing by you and "accidentally" giving you a full frontal.
you can stop with the "possibly"s and maybes, your insisting on non-committal is causing you to lose clarity of the situation.
both of you are playing so many word games with each other, so much "truth based" BS, which in my opinion is probably what got you both here in the first place. just try some straight truth without all the gray you insist on adding, i think you'll find it refreshing.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
ken.. I knew thats what he was doing... gauging, along with the frontal...(I just didnt want to be mind reading) However, he also fears someone being hurt as f-buddy. Im not convinced if I was interested in f-buddy that he would go along with it. Because he knows it would mean more to me... I appreciate this much.
Im not sure what you mean about "possibly's and maybes" and my insisting on non-committal?... I know he isn't committing...???
I am not playing games. I am extremely careful not to say or do the wrong things. Im not sure if he is playing games. Where am I adding "gray"? I don't see it.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I thought you said you accidentally walked in on him which is why you saw the full frontal. There's a big difference if he did it right in front of you and if you walked in on him. You haven't learned to communicate very well still.
"I am not playing games. "
Yes you are. You continue to bring things up and you bring up alot about sex to him which almost is like prodding him.
I notice that the longer that you've been here, your posts have become much more graphic and vulgar in language. To me it really sounds like it's you the one who is wanting the sex badly. I mean, you still push him to make decisions rather than actually listening and validating his concerns. You say you do but go back and read all of your posts. You haven't learned.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I'm not sure what you are suggesting Bond... I did state, I walked in on him. Therefore, that communication was fair.
I do not bring up sex... he does.... again, misreading me. My words are clear.
He stated that he is vulnerable right now (possibly to get me to respond with a desire to fulfill his needs in place of him seeking it elsewhere).
My posts are accurate, honest and "as it is"... they are not intended to be vulgar. Sorry, if I am offending anyone.
In your mind.. I am wanting the sex and am prodding... thats not the case...but, you won't believe me.
Where am I pushing to make decisions? or not listening or validating... I listen to him ad nauseum... I understand this is his MLC... he even asked the other day if he was having MLC... I nodded. I am not pushing him to decide anything... he repeats over and over that "he doesn't know"... I respond with "I'm not asking anything"!! I have taken R talks "off the table". I do not want to push him in any direction. He needs to decide what he wants....Therefore I am not... you are just choosing to not believe me.
I do not want someone who I have to drag into a R, or commitment.
I think his "i dunno" comments are real because I represent commitment... and the questions are in his own head!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
oh.. to add... yes! I walked in on him.... but, I KNOW (based on what he said about being comfortable), that he is in fact "doing it, in front of me"... intentionally.
Hoping that I will respond. Hoping that I will put a move on him (he is vulnerable, stated he wants contact, etc) . He's tossing himself out there for me... hoping I will take the bait.
I am not responding.
This is 180!
This, of course is mind reading... however, I know what he said and about his style.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Hoping that I will respond. Hoping that I will put a move on him (he is vulnerable, stated he wants contact, etc) . He's tossing himself out there for me... hoping I will take the bait.
I am not responding.
Yes, you are. You just aren't responding with a clear "yes" or "no". But you're doing TONS of responding.
