Meeting for "THE TALK" tonight

[job]

mileigh4,
I'm so sorry that you didn't know a lot about MLC, but what he's done is pulled the wool over your eyes when he insisted on a separation and then the both of you agreed to a 6 month separation. You thought it was temporary...he didn't. He didn't have the backbone to tell you it was going to be longer.

He pulled the old poor me and it's too far to travel to work and he wouldn't have two parking spaces, etc. That is really a bunch of bs. He played on your kind heart and he got what he wanted. Trust me, if you had really pushed him out, he would have found some place and he wouldn't have stayed at his father's for very long because of the inconvenience. He didn't want his life turned upside down to move. He didn't care that you and your son's lives were about to be turned upside down and quite frankly, I don't like it when they use the children as an excuse to get what they want. They will use every excuse in the book to play the spouse and the spouse thinks that if they give them what they want, they'll come back home...very few do that. The more you give them, the more they want/take.

I know you've got some major decisions to make here, but no matter what you decide, your child will need some counseling. You've given him 6 months to get his act together and he's not going to change any time soon and he's going to turn the ugly mlc monster on and you know what? Pick up the sword and shield and stand your ground. He's nothing more than a big bully who wants his way. It's time you took matters into your hands and do what is right for you and your child. It's time to move back home...right where you belong. If he's not happy, he can pack his sh@t up and move out. I'm sure his father would welcome him w/open arms. Besides, it would be rent free, plenty of parking and yes, he would have more money for fuel that way.

Here's another thing to think about...if you are paying rent on an apartment, why are you helping with the mortgage? You do realize that if it comes down to divorce, he's going to try to get everything he can and leave you and your son w/very little? I think I would have to start slipping up a bit on helping with the mortgage and if he says anything, point out the fact that you are paying rent elsewhere and yes, your mailing address is at your new address. It's time to smoke this guy out and see just what his plans are. From where I'm sitting, he's going to continue just as he has for the last 6 months and why should he be concerned about you and your son? He's gotten what he wanted, the house and yes, you possibly helping with the expenses of the home while living elsewhere. Time to rock his boat and rattle his cage a bit.

[peacetoday]

There is really nothing to stop the D if that is what he wants
They would like to keep us in limbo for a very long time until they feel stable in moving forward
and I think for many of them they are only concerned about themselves

I think you said you saw a L
If so what did he recommend to do about the house

Peace








Peace

[nyk]

Good luck Mleigh on whatever you decide to do. I see so many different sich's here.
You said if the D happens you would have to sell the house? Is there a way you can buy his half out?
One of the reasons I moved away from my MLCer is that she threatened to take the kids if she moved out...that pretty much forced my hand. She is the main bread winner in our family and I cannot afford the family home without her income. I did not want to chance her moving our sons out of their home and leaving me with a payment I can't make.
My latest plan is to let a little more time pass, then move into a 2br apt. in my kids school district and set up split custody arrangements.
I believe whichever choice we make is the best choice with the information we have at that time, and we need to make peace with that...once again, Good Luck!

[mleigh4]

Job- I only pay my rent right now, my H is paying mtg on house and giving me some money each month because living in apt is more expensive for me than living at home and I told him so. He was more than happy to pay me to live elsewhere

Peace - before I moved out, I checked with a lawyer over the phone, a service provided by my company, and was told that as long as my name is on deed, I have same rights to home as H. So even if I moved out, I would have all rights to move back home. However, I called a local attorney last week, and he was telling me my H could possibly fight that since I moved out. Scary thought.

At this point, I have lost so much respect for H, D doesn't worry me so much. If I stay in apt, not only will I be stuck in another lease, but H could drag this out forever. I still stand firm on if he wants D, he can do the work. So, my heart and gut tell me the logical thing to do here is move back home. I can't afford to buy H out, but with proper child support, could afford the monthly mtg on my own, if he decides to move out. As far as selling the house, that is my H idea, which is a bad idea in that the house address keeps my son in his school. In mediation, I would hope to work something out to stay there as long as possible.

So, decision made, with full support of family and friends. Time for H to have his life disrupted, time for S and I to go home! And yes, I am setting up counseling for S. we will get through whatever H throws at us.

Thank you for helping me to work through this!

[peacetoday]

seems like a good choice
and

It will be ok

sometimes we walk through very scary stuff, but when we follow our heart and intuition our decisions seem to work out

WE support you in your decision

peace

[LiveNow]

At this point, I have lost so much respect for H, D doesn't worry me so much.

mleigh4 - thanks for posting on my thread. Sounds like we have pretty much the same MLC'er. Your quote above is just how I'm feeling today. I'm just feeling sorry for him. And I think you're doing the right thing by moving back into the home. I'm still in our home, H has been living with sister and BIL for 9 months. They must be wondering when he's going to leave...Good luck with the move back. Keep us up to date.