Day one of our long weekend together now over. She spent quite a few hours with me, I made a family dinner and we all ate together. Then she sat with me and we chatted for hours, small talk and catch up and no R talk at all. I was relaxed and chilled and so was she,it all felt so normal as if we were still a couple. Then we discussed plans for tomorrow and again we were in agreement over what to do. Its all a bit surreal right now,but I really do still feel that I need to detach completely after the break as planned. I just find that being in her company is hard work in terms of doing 180s and staying positive and cheerful when its not how I am really feeling. I hated it when she got up to leave so I know doing this on a regular basis is not good for me. I mean its not as if it was much about the boys today as when she was sitting chatting to me they were outside playing. It showed me though that LRT has to happen as I just can't do the whole happy families thing when its not real, I don't want her as a 'best friend' I want her as my wife and partner. I can't have that so I really have to detatch as much as possible.
So thats the weekend over. Unfortunately R talk was had right at the end.I don't know why but I allowed to her to get to me right as I was about to leave.I think it was because of her indifference throughout yesterday. So we spent 20 minutes rehashing some things, I'm really annoyed by that as I had done so well. She reaffirmed her position that she was determined that she wasn't in love with me and that the marriage is over. I left, it really has set me back and made it so clear that we need to stop all non essential contact from now on. I sent her a text explaining how I feel about things, mistake after mistake I know. She replied agreeing that we need time and space. Spending time with her is not good for me. It affects me badly and sets me back from weeks of personal progress. So LRT is now in full swing, I doubt it will change anything about our sitch but I am hoping it will eventually help me.
Yes you're right Sandi part of me hoped she would want to spend more time with me. but she was so distant yesterday, even with the boys, that its obvious she is a million miles from our marriage and family. The main thing for me is that it really does set me back, I was really making personal progress but feel really low today. So its obvious I need to fully engage with LRT and stay away from her as much as possible.
I'm sorry, Andy. Maybe the break will help you get stronger and get so much focus off her. Sometimes it takes a couple of years for things to work out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know that I'll be ok in a day or so. I just struggle when I'm with her as it reminds me of what we had. I intend to refocus on me now that the break is over. I was worried about spending a lot of time with her and I have now learnt my lesson so I won't be repeating that I guess i had to do it to be sure and now i am.
Day one of my new resolve and she's broken the rule already. She texted me asking if she could call and see the boys. I said they were out but that she could if she wanted. She then said she would just call my son on his mobile. Then she calls me??? Why I have no idea, small talk and asking me if I wanted her to swap this weekend( my weekend with boys) and she would have them as she has no plans. Hardly essential for her to call. I should have just ignored it....
Did you tell her not to contact you unless it was something extremely important about the kids? If you did, then I would let it go to voice mail.....at least until you get detached.
It sounds as if she may have tested you a bit just to see how you would respond. There are a lot of women who go to great lengths to test the LBH to see if she still has an affect on him.
Don't be shocked when she completely ignores what you've said. Like you said, she already has on the first day. I think she will even want to hit you up for another "family activity" when she gets bored or lonely. It is hard to explain why some women do this, but it's part of the cake they want.
You will figure out a way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well we agreed that contact going forward would only be ref the boys so I thought it was clear. She was so nice on the phone which is strange considering how we left things on Monday. I will have to be on my guard as she really seems to be cake eating and up to now I have been letting her off with it. I am feeling much stronger today but things like that make me wonder whats going on. I mean she was adamant also that space was needed and yet she rings me already. The voicemail thing seems like a good idead.
If she leaves a message, then it's not like you totally ignore it.......in case of an emergency situation. Listening to the message gives you a chance to evaluate if it requires a response. Just b/c she calls doesn't mean you must call back. And if it is something that does require a response, try to text it instead of talking over the phone. Keeps it a bit less personal by not hearing her voice......maybe? And keep the TM limited to as few words as possible.
I have read a lot of threads over the time I have been here, and I have seen that it seems to be such a struggle for the LBH to detach as long as there is back & forth contact with his WAW, it just seems to mess with his head! "why did she call........does it mean something more......etcl.". Face it, you guys will never figure us out, and if we happen to be a WAW, you sure 'nuff stay confused.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
