Well, needed to start a new thread. Not sure how to put a link to old one up but it's "Wife in MLC and getting ready to go!". Anyone that can help with that I'd appreciate it!
Had a set back yesterday. Found out that my W's father isn't coming for daughters graduation (he has told relatives where he lives that he thinks my daughter is a "waste" and will "make nothing of her life" and isn't going to waste his time or money on someone like her and proves this by sending my youngest gifts and money while my oldest can't even expect a birthday card so this was no shock!)BUT he is planning on coming a few weeks later. Funny how this lines up with when my wife has said she plans on leaving and getting a place of her own! She has no idea how to even start doing this and I'm sure he is coming to "help". I also found out that she has been trying to get my youngest daughter to go and spend a month with him and his W (1000 miles away) this summer. My daughter said "I didn't know how to tell her I'd rather lose an arm than spend a day with that creep". She is trying so hard to not upset her mom as she knows how close she is to leaving (although my W doesn't think she has ANY idea).
Found out when my daughter asked if he was coming for graduation and I was there. I don't think I did a good job of hiding my shock and disgust at the thought of this ass coming to MY home and being around the kids. My parents are coming for D's grad. but they are staying at a hotel. This is their first visit in 3 years as my W always would say it wasn't a good time for them to visit but her dad has come several times since. He stays in the backyard in a camper and my W spends all her time out there with him and his W not even bothering to talk to the kids let alone feed them. This time they will be there while my daughters are out of school and will be alone with him and his W all day. I really don't think I will be able to hold my tounge around him this time. In the past I put up with his crap because he is my W's father. (He puts down my W, me, kids. Says things that are so inappropriate and my W usually makes excuses for him saying he's "just kidding", yeah, right. A couple years ago he had a fit when I wouldn't let my 12 year old go see the R rated movie HE wanted to see. He refused to go to ANY movie and you should have seem my W and his W trying to placate him!).
I don't want this man at my home or around my kids and W knows this. He is the only person who thinks what my W is planning is the right thing to do and has hid her intentions from her mom's side of the family so she can't ask them for help.She has no business asking my daughter about going there for so long without talking to me about it first and knows I would fight her to stop her from going (who knows what's going on in her MLC rattled brain). Every time my W starts to relax a bit, this man comes, stirs things up and I'm left with the depressed/anxious mess of a daughter while he goes away thinking he's being such a great father helping his daughter see how she is wasting her life married to me! (Remember, he is the one who talked my wife into taking off her ring, opening her own bank account without telling me and changing the passwords on all her accounts, etc.)Part of me feels that every time she starts to think maybe she shouldn't leave, she talks to him and he gets her mind right back to where it was before! I know he has told her that if she stays "things will just go back to the way they were", that she needs to do this to "grow" as a person, that I've held her back her whole life just by being married to her.
I don't know when she was planning, if at all, to tell me he was coming. She KNOWS I will not support this but of course she does what SHE wants without a single thought to what I will think or how it will affect me OR her kids. My daughters don't like this man and are VERY uncomfortable around him. My oldest will be able to get away by going to her boyfriends but my youngest will be stuck, not to mention I don't want anything to do with him or him anywhere near me or my family!How do I confront my W about this without making things even worse? What's next? Ugh!
go to page one of your old thread, then copy and paste the link that is at the top of your screen into this one.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
My daughters don't like this man and are VERY uncomfortable around him. My oldest will be able to get away by going to her boyfriends but my youngest will be stuck, not to mention I don't want anything to do with him or him anywhere near me or my family! How do I confront my W about this without making things even worse?
You really need to pay attention to your daughter's feelings about their grandfather. Children are pretty intuitive about these things.
When is FIL coming down? How long is FIL coming to stay with you? Are you able to get some time off from work so you can stay around the house?
Hi Wonka. Don't have much in the way of details yet as W didn't tell me, she was answering my daughters question. Looks like somewhere around the 20th of May but W can never get a straight answer from him and he usually just shows up when he feels like. For years now my W would ask him not to come until the kids were out of school and he would just ignore her a do what HE wanted! As for getting time off, I doubt it as my business is in make or break mode and if W is leaving I'd better do all I can to "make" it!
My daughters have disliked this man from the time they were old enough to understand his put downs and selfish, uncaring attitude. When they were little, around 9-10 they would say "grand pa ____ creeps me out" as they got older they would just come out and say they didn't like him or avoided him altogether. When my youngest was 7 and we were there for his fathers memorial service (this was when he told my W he wanted to make up for all the bad things he had done but only her, no husband, no kids) he came to me on the 3rd day I was there (W had been there with the kids for 3 weeks before I got there to help him) and said he was having a dinner party for my W but there was no room for me or my 7 year old. He told us to just entertain ourselves and we could eat later! There were 12 people there but no room for only my D and I! Then at one point he came out and yelled because the TV which was on to entertain my hungry D was to loud and bothering them and made my D cry. She still remembers what we were watching that day and she's 14.
There is no need to confront W about FIL. Instead you can gently raise the issue and state that your daughters have expressed to you that they are uncomfortable with being around FIL.
Well, sounds so resonable BUT... FIL is the BIGGEST thing of contention between my W and I. She is so badly wanting him to be part of her life even when he has made it known that for him to accept her, be proud of her, she needs to leave me and the kids. She refuses to see the things he has done over the years trying to come between me and her kids saying she doesn't "remember" or "no one is good enough for his little girl". I have seen her allow this man to say and do the most hurtful things to the kids and just let it go saying "oh, that's just him trying to be funny" or some other lame excuse. The kids are well aware of the fact that their mother is ready to walk and are so afraid of angering her, they won't want to say what they really think as they have tried in the past and she ignores them or tells them they just don't understand him.
Since B-day I've have heard my W rewrite her history with this man, especially after her visit to Fla with him. He has now somehow become a victim! She has said the reason he treated her and her brother so badly was that he was so "hurt". Hurt by what? He was the one who left them all 1000 miles from home and was gone, off to live with his OW in another state when they got home! He has used her life long desire to have him in her life and her MLC to change everything and turn the truth on it's head and she is desperate for him to love and accept her, she is buying it hook line and sinker. It will make no difference to her what the kids think, nor me for that matter!
I think the best I can hope for is he ends up backing out which I don't see happening as he is so close to his goal of getting her away from me and her family. I know it's hard for most people to believe how awful this man is, I get that. Most people can't imagine just how someone's own father can work so hard at destroying their grandkids family and if I hadn't had to go thru it myself I wouldn't believe it either! To her, in her MLC brain, she see's it as him "caring" about what she see's as her best option and just can't or won't see the effect this man has on even her own kids!
The childhood that this man's antics and selfishness casued is most likely the biggest reason my W is going thru her crisis, his "advice" has been nothing but destructive from the start of all this. I can zero good that can come of him coming anywhere near my family at this time. My W wanted to see him and went to visit him on her own, fine! I just don't know how to stop something (his visit) that I know can have nothing but bad come from it!
