Luke, you've said that three times now, i think. It is flat-out wrong to think a D is going to bring your Daughter closer to you. You're going to have to work even harder at the relationship than even now. Stop kidding yourself about that.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Okay, but how? I've been turned down or it just has not happened (invitation was loose, and not for a particular time) on (starting with the most boring): going to the car wash together, just taking a walk (we live on a lake and there is a nice walk along it), going food shopping together, going to a movie, going to a local nature reserve known for its early spring flowers, going for a run together, going to London for a weekend, etc. I am not physically ugly or embarassing to be with, I think.
W and d16 go running together, went bird watching last week, garden together, watch films together, etc.
The longest time d16 and I were together last week was when she unexpectedly asked me to walk her to the train station and (bless our lousy train system) the train was 25 minutes late. A whole 30 minutes with her, no W around, very nice.
I feel powerless in this -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I asked and she said we could go shopping or to a museum sometime. Birthday present has not happened yet - d16 commutes to Stockholm for school, an hour each way, and hates to then go back on the weekend - .
I haven't taken any vacation yet this year, perhaps I should ask if she would like to go somewhere (she generally says no, that she prefers to stay at home).
Daughter did ask me to write and keep her posted from the US, where I am spending a month now. Maybe I can work on the R with letters/emails/pictures.
I think I am near you - just in Newark airport now - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I like your proposed text, thank you. Do you feel it would be appropriate to expand this into three parts, and put the whole enchilada on the table, so to speak:
1. apologize first (e.g. "I think I started this problem with the Sicily trip, sorry"). 2. your text 3. list my travel plans as I know them just now
or is just your text sufficient for the moment, with more interaction later? Thx - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Just a suggestion, but why don't you ask your W if she'd like to join you and your D? She'll probably say 'no', but it would show your strength of character and that just because she's acting badly doesn't mean that you will stoop to her level.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes, other people said the same thing about having to pin activities down, giving a time and place. I will do the same with d16.
I stop in Newark both coming and going to work in CA. Going back to Europe is best, because I have a 12 hour layover here, and can spend the day in NYC. The disadvantage is that is between two red-eye flights, and so I get home pretty tired.
I understand Norwegian is going to fly to the US - I can recommend them for their fares, and their service, and Icelandair is good too - cheap layovers in a neat place - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I did just that for the movie "Lunch Box", feeling pretty certain that W would say no, and d16 probably would decline also (she did). Yes, it seems right to be open and vulnerable and therefore strong by doing this - thx - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"I've hidden the laptop d16 has asked for under her dresser. She is expecting this when I return, so this will be a surprise while I am gone."
If it is in location she wont normally look, how about you have some fun with it? send a postcard each day with a riddle. draw it out as long as possible? so when she solves the riddle she finds her laptop? if postcards take too long to arrive, then use emails and SMSs. mix it up.
do something that reminds her you are thinking of her every day and youre putting effort behind it. definitely postcards and gifts from your travels.
maybe invite her to Hawaii to meet you there?
i dont think children care so much about WHAT you do with them, but that you consistently put in the EFFORT to be with them.
each time she turns you down, ask again. never stop.
she NEEDS to know that you are persistent in your actions to be closer to her.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
