Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[whytry]

Thank you uRworthy, I've been improving myself every day for a while as I learn more and more about myself. My W commented back in January how proud she was of me (improvements) and that one little comment solidified my resolve. Overall, I see the improvements as well, but some days a happy old memory pops up (taking W hunting) and it stays for a while and the loss is hard to bear. I do/did still struggle but every day brings more promise and hope.

I'm doing the best 180 and being so different than what I was is the reason my W, friends, and family think it's a ruse. Just getting the chance now to spend time at baseball, gym, and church with my kids has lifted me up further than probably anything. They are my happiness and its more than I could have asked for. Yesterday my boy did wear me out lifting weights but the time with him so improved my day.

You are so right that it's a goal to be this happy, involved parent every day, but it's also more than that. I've started loving my life again so being that person is becoming natural and it makes changing not only a want/need but a part of me now. Does that make sense?

[PatientMan]

Today is our day to walk around the baseball field track while younger two kiddos practice so I'll wait till W gets home and we are home to discuss.

Who is "our"?

-PM

[whytry]

S13. We walk and talk while younger two have baseball practice. He likes hanging out with me now and it's a blessing for me to get the chance.

[MrCAS]

I remember back to something said to me... A couple of good months does not erase a decade of bad. You need to stop focusing on what other people are thinking about your changes. You are making these changes to be the best that you can for you... not them.

Memories are going to pop into you mind from time to time. Just a natural thing. How you deal with them is the difference. Let them pass and move along...

[whytry]

MrCas, thinking about the couple of months doesn't erase the decade of bad. It seems my issue has a reoccurring family theme. My father drove my mother to divorce over his internal anger issues. My W is close to both my stepmom and mother. Stepmom told W that she just can't see why my mom divorced my dad because he is such a loving, caring, God fearing man. My mom in the past has told W how my dad acted and treated her. My father didn't show changes until 2 years after divorce! My uncle went through the same scenario (their marriage survived). My cousin is currently going through separation as he walked out too. I guess I'm searching for if our internal anger issue is more biology than anything? My dad is now a great guy (and oh how my sister and I remember the bad times), my out of state uncle is now a calm collected man in retirement, not close to my cousin so questions there, but I'm actually feeling better that I may have hope after all. Is it just a phase I'm cursed with? Holy cow how do I know?

I'm just now learning to go back to my fun hobbies (golfing, hunting, working out, etc). It does cause friction, but I think if W and I are both happy our children will be benefit.

[MrCAS]

Cursed? Biology? Dude, I will call BS on that. Get that thought right out of your consciousness. What that thought does is take the responsibility for it away from where it belongs... on YOU.

YOU chose to do everything you did. You will be held accountable for every word, thought, and deed you ever did... Good or bad, the accountability is on YOU.

Man up and work on you instead of wasting the energy trying to pass the buck. Remember to give your wife some space. Don't crowd her... She needs alone time... her time with the kidlets... Remember the little guy hanging onto to her pant leg... Don't be him.

[whytry]

Good point MrCas. I was asking in part to see if a Dr. visit is in order. Males in my family (dad & uncle) are on long term prescriptions but I've never asked what for or what they take. It was more of an inquiry as to if my mood swings were something more. I don't want to be leaving out any options. So far I feel great, but it's only been a few months as you pointed out.

[whytry]

And yes sir, I'm allowing space as best I can being in same house. We speak actual words less than 15min total a day, 2-3 texts a day (kid stuff), maybe an email 1-2 times per week (kid stuff again), and maybe phone calls 10-12 times per week (kid, house, or actual family needs). Is this about normal?

I went the long away around asking about the meds stuff I guess. But I appreciate the critique. It's exactly what I'm wanting to know when my mind wanders.

[uRworthy]

WT, it is best to take responsibility for your actions otherwise there is no hope for changing them in the future.

But if you think there is something going on with you besides all of that, by all means, seek out a doctor. Knowledge is power.

I wouldnt worry about how often you are in contact with your wife. Remember you are trying to hear her words, that she doesnt want to be married.

Keep focusing on you and your kids. Continue to look within and work on the things you need to.

Look into going to a doctor.

One foot in front of the other, right?

[MrCAS]

Yes, I agree with uRworthy... if there is a medical history in your family maybe an examination is warranted. You hadn't mentioned prescription use of the males in the family before.

Giving your W space doesn't mean avoiding any contact with her. What it means, to me anyways, is not having R talks, not talking about the relationship to friends and family, etc.

Having R talks could trigger very negative feelings in your W. Discussing your M with family and friends can be a landmine. These people mean well but their advice and counsel usually tends to inflame and incite feelings of outrage and betrayal... I hear Hank singing... "Why don't you mind your business.."

What's going on with your GAL activities and 180's? Fill us in...