Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[whytry]

Last night was very sad so I didn't log on as planned. W gave me the divorce papers she printed off so I can sign. We did have a good talk though and I let her know I understand and will help support her but that D was not what I wanted.

[Ggrass]

That's tough, but it can be a step forward. As its not over really until you give up or are dead.

[nit84]

Sorry to see this whytry,

Ggrass is right though, continue to do the things you have been and maybe at some point a moment of clarity will come to both of you that will lead you in the direction that is best for you both.

Whatever that may be, I hope it is what is best for you and what you want and need.

I told my WAW that D is not a solution for me but understood why she is doing what she thinks is best for her.

Not helping W with moving forward on D but not planning on putting any roadblocks either unless I am advised by my L to do this for MY best interests.

This is where it might get a little contentious.

Hang in there!!

[Ggrass]

Hey why try? How's it going?

[whytry]

Hey all, I'm not down and out yet. Not sure I can be friends with some of you, but that's OK. I'll be fine. LMBO - just to be up front.....I don't eat a lot of ice cream, ice cream sandwiches, or much of any sweets. OK let the mud slinging begin. JK

I'll post more after some sleep I guess but I've been GALing and 180ing and it's getting funny to hear the "don't DB me!" Yea that's a W jab, but I'm ok with it. It means that I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world, but to me I have to be a hypocrite cuz I am definitely not ever going back to who I was. My proof is our kiddos and the amazing amount of their investment in time with me that they can't get enough of. Way different than the eggshells they used to walk on when I was around.

When they ask if I'm quitting on M, I just simply say "nope, y'all are too important and I love all of you and your mommy!"

MrCas/T2/UR/Cadet/Mach1, I will be back to fill in my world and appreciate every post. I do have one question....wth is Oofdah?

[whytry]

Sorry Ggrass, Haven't been ignoring the forum but living life, enjoying my job way to much, and TBO I'm choosing my free time with kids so the forum kinda comes in 2nd...sorry if that offends anyone.

[whytry]

Thx nit84. Same here. No roadblocks (although not W opinion LOL). I also told my WAW that I didn't want D! With my history of bad choices, I doubt she'll change her mind even if I'm what she's looking over the fence for, but as Mach1 said either on my thread or one I read, no spouse is perfect, both contribute to the marriage issues until they both decide to grow together, and what matters is from today forward (not word for word).

My pastor made a comment at bible study that really hit home..."God already knows your sins, your spouses sins, and any future sins that either will make so why hide from yourself". Holy moly....down came the flood gates of tears.

[Ggrass]

That's ok, I was just wondering.

[MrCAS]

"Ooofdah" is a Minnesotan slang term. It basically means "what the heck".

Someone once me a question during my journey that really made me think...

"Do you want to really save your marriage or do you just want to win?"

If you just want to win, I don't think you will given the choices you have made. if you just want to win I am inclined to believe that is a non-winning game.

If my W had kept telling me to "quit DBing me" I would have taken that as a hint. It isn't funny, brother. She is telling you something and you are not listening.

She is telling you to back off and give her some space. For you to continue the full court press is, IMO, Passive aggressive at best and borderline mentally abusive. This is not doing a 180. This seems to be a continuation of your past past behavior with a different wrapper.

This type of behavior is going to do nothing but push her further and further away. It also doesn't matter what your W is looking at over the fence because it is obvious it isn't you.

You have labeled your W as a WAW... Let me ask... Who walked away first? Who was the one that ignored everything she was doing to try and save the M? Yeah, buddy... That was you.

So, when your W decided to give you what you sought when did it become unacceptable? Was it because you no longer had control of the situation? Because you lost your say? Your way no longer mattered?

Dude, I was there in a lot of the same ways. I understand frustration. I understand anger.

You need to give your W space. You need to fix you. Like I have told you before... the three months you have been working on this is not going to make up for fifteen years you beat your M into the ground. Fifteen months of continued improvement might.

Keep working on you.

[whytry]

Is that what happened ??
Or just what you remember happening ??

As stated before I have a shameful memory problem. Yes best I can remember and as accurate as I can give. Is there more, I’m sure from W opinion there is and I don’t doubt she remembers more of the entire day.



Are you trying to save the Marriage because you love her ??
Or is this guilt from your past behaviors ???

I’ve had time to kick this around and even with current happenings the answer is I do love her. Everyone will question my motives but they have no reason not to. I have no problem with that.