3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

[JennD]

Link to my old thread, which is now locked:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2443340&page=all

Thanks for reading!

[JennD]

Having a fun day with my daughters.

Had a fun lunch and just made Elsa capes for each (from Frozen).

Watching a fun movie on the couch together.

Feeling good and not spinning in my mind!

[CS000]

Sounds like you are doing good!

[JennD]

Finding it strange to think about living one day at a time - which is good when DB'ing, but also very limiting.

I say limiting, because H and I had already decided that we were going to move this summer, before BD happened.

So not sure if:
a) we are still on track to move (H is/was in the middle of finishing the basement to sell when BD happened - he's worked on it 1x in the last 3 months - so lots left to do)

b) if we are, if I am moving with the girls to our own place (then money issues start running thru my mind - what will I afford, where, etc)

c) if we are, will H be with us? I'm not asking H that.

I've browsed some real estate sites, but doesn't help. Just adds more chaos in my mind.

I've talked with H a few times about getting the basement completed, but he wants to take charge of it so...he can.

The fact that D3 will start kindergarden in the Fall also weighs on me as I would rather get the move done so she starts school where they will contunie to go, rather than starting and moving...their will be enough chaos.

But time is my friend when it comes to the R...

Deep breath!

[JennD]

Thanks CSan..."good" maybe a bit generous!

Better - definately better!

[Upwards]

Can you tell your H your thoughts on moving this summer & ask him to continue with the work that needs doing? I was in a similar position and got fed up of waiting around for H to do the work that was needed so I took charge & got it sorted myself (family helped) and put our house on the market - it felt good to have control & to be taking charge of my life again, it's scary but also very fulfilling!

Now I just need the house to sell so I can start looking for a new home for me & the kids, if H ends up with us then that's a bonus but right now I'm planning our future for just me & the kids.

[labug]

Actually living in the moment becomes very freeing but it may not seem that way at first. It takes a while.

You're trying to live in the future right now and that's causing you anxiety it seems.

Why were you moving? Are those reasons still viable? What would be best for you and your D right now?

[JennD]

I'm finding it tough - normally I'd be looking at buying plants for the garden, things to improve the house, etc. But I dont buy them as can't look forward.

Now I feel like I can't look to tommorrow and I feel sad.

We had decided to sell to pay off all our debt and get something a bit smaller and have more disposable money to spend on family.

Whether we D or not, we will have to move - we bought more house than we need....I would just prefer to move with H...

H works in contruction industry so he is very much about completing the job on his own. We've talked about it a few times. I feel like I'm walking the line on not interveening at all and continuing to talk with him about it (ie harping on him to get it done).

[labug]

Our situations begin to make us see that we never could look to tomorrow with certainty. We had a false sense of security.

It was always that way, we just didn't see it.

Don't bring up the housing issue unless you truly feel the need to sell the house you're currently in and move somewhere more affordable.

You can make the decision if that's what's best for you.

[JennD]

Labug - thats so true. It just feels so different. False security is gone. Perspective is amazing...

Not brining up the house is pretty much how I've been operating.

We can stay here for a while - can manage financially staying here as long as H and I are both contributing (which we are and I don't see that changing until big decisiona are made and in our province, a year of seperation is required before D can happen- so that would be Feb 2015)

Mother's day today was good. We went for brunch, bike rides, clothes shopping for summer clothes for the girls, etc.

Only had 2 moments of sadness. At brunch, D6 gave me a card she made at school that was really pretty and had a heart on the front with buttons glued all over it - inside it said "Mothers are like buttons - they hold it all together"...got weepy - D6 took them as tears of happiness. I thanked her for the card and hugged her. Sucked it up and moved on.

The other time was when H called to say good night to the girls. He talked to them and they always hand me the phone when they are done. I usually wrap up the call and pretty much just say hi...okay...good night. Tonight I had hoped that he would say happy mothers day...but no nothing. Just sad.