I'm sure it's an AMAZING place, we always talked about moving out there however moving halfway across the world whilst separated probably wouldn't be the best move!! lol
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Well I'm meeting up with H tomorrow to discuss everything & to set some boundaries in place for parenting & business partners - I'm a little nervous, I have everything I need to discuss written down to keep me on track & my intention is to remain calm & focused without letting my emotions get involved, I also intend to listen to H's input & be flexible but stand firm with my boundaries that are there to protect me.
My H has said a lot of things to suggest he's making a mistake (see previous posts) and is becoming aware of the destruction he's caused, I'm not sure if I should hear him out or tell him I don't want to know? Do I let him know the door is still open or do I continue 'acting as if' I'm done with him in that sense?!
Any input appreciated, thank you!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
I will suggest you listen to him, however there is a point that I will take a look at, your H seems to show regrets once you step back and then he says many words, but his actions dont seem consistent. When we are dbing we kind of always walk on eggshells, should I do this or say that like this so then he or she doesnt get to be upset or to forget me? Then if you check yourself you will see responses, you are willing to do whatever action it takes to restore the marriage, your spouse takes weak and inconsistent actions and basically we think we should face that in a different way....
No no and no, if your spouse wants to get back to the marriage he is gonna have to do way more than he is doing, just remember a few weeks ago....he went to a hotel with OW, I am not saying to be resentful or anything like that, is just that you want a stable and commited relationship and bread crumbs are not gonna make that happen.
You set boundaries without fear, and if he doesnt like them thats his problem, be clear about how would you like him to be with you and what conditions has to exist in order for you to consider a reconciliation, if one of those conditions fails just keep Gal and keep dbing untill that changes. Accept the way he is now and realize that its not on your hands to change him, he doesnt change enough because he doesnt touch bottom, he senses that you are still there in some way so he can continue to do whatever he wants but he does that more carefoully.
Do you want a half husband or do you want a full one?
Loose him, let him go totally and later on time will tell. Its scary but again at this point your H its not facing the reality that he lost completelly his W...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Yes he's consistently shown remorse then changed to guilt, typical MLC.
I absolutely don't want my H in my life right now as anything other than a parent & business partner, I have no interest in reconciliation with my H at all right now and I don't want him at all, he's a broken man & it's up to him to fix himself. My H needs to do the work to win ME back & not the other way round, if he's not wiling to do that then he isn't the man for me - I am the prize!
This meeting is to set boundaries in place to ensure we can coparent & work together, nothing more, If we divorce I would still like to have an amicable R whilst things progress & hopefully in the future.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
This meeting is to set boundaries in place to ensure we can coparent & work together, nothing more, If we divorce I would still like to have an amicable R whilst things progress & hopefully in the future.
Thats great, prepare everything written down in a paper and stick to that no matter what he says or try, and everytime he "tries" to talk you out of the conversation, remember him : ok lets get back to this matters that concerns our kids, I dont want to talk about us.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Oh Upwards I am doing great, I have my times where I miss W who hasnt contact me at all but I am very happy here in Hawaii
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Well the meeting went well, we communicated well & are both happy about the things we have put in place. I remained non emotional & focused, just shows how detached I am now as I couldn't have done that a few weeks back!
He looked different... he seemed like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders and he seemed free somehow, not sure I can explain it any better than that?! He said this weekend he's had a "lighbulb moment" and he feels different but he cant explain why - he said again that it feels like a fog has lifted and he's just been born again.
He thanked me for everything I've done for him, he said that by me being strong & taking care of the kids that's the best support I can give him - he said me remaining NC has forced him to stand on his own two feet and he knows that everything I'm doing is for the best for us all & he's really thankful for it - I said that I was sad that I could no longer support him and he said "everything your doing right now is supporting me, you just dont realise it".
I think he's ended things with OW as he said that he's spent some time on his own and realised that he CAN be on his own & he is able to do it by himself without having to lean on someone - I didn't question, I just validated and told him that I'm glad he's feeling better about things & that I have every faith in him that he'll do this.
Overall it was positive, I think its going to be difficult at times keeping personal & business separate but we're going to have to try our best.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Oh forgot to add that he's clearly noticing me as he said....
"wow your looking really good" "I can tell you've lost weight as your boobs are smaller" <<< lol!! "those shoes are nice, are they new?" "did you go out clubbing last weekend?"
He also commented that i'm an amazing mum, the kids are really lucky and that i'm doing a fantastic job of providing them with a stable and supportive home - nice to hear
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
