It was last month here in the UK, for me it was tinged with a lot of sadness but it made me realise that I have so much to be thankful for & gave me a big kick up the bum to be honest to get myself happy for the kids sake.
I know it's different this year but sentiment is still the same, we're all mothers to beautiful children & for that we should be so grateful
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Upwards and JennD, Thanks so much for checking in. I tried to focus on being in the moment on mother's day-- Made a special breakfast for me and D, had a special adventure together in the morning. It was terrific. Ended up napping together with her on my lap. Haven't done that in a long time and I loved it.
Last week and the beginning of this one have been tough, though. A close friend, who has been a huge support to me, is dealing with a major medical crisis in her family as of last week. My heart is breaking for her. And the night my H was supposed to take our D, his MIL called to tell me he was in the ER with a possible serious issue. It turned out to be a false alarm, but brought a flood of awful emotions. (Like, my H is in the hospital, and I'm not expected or wanted there...)
And, Mother's Day always brings up my own issues with my own mother. But on the positive side (and I'm still working on changing my default view of the world from negative to positive), she bought me a meaningful gift, which is very rare for her.
My emotional strength is closely tied to my cycle, so I know that the sadness and anxiety I'm feeling this week are partially related to that. And I'm trying to cut myself some slack-- there were some major things in the last few days that would throw anyone for a loop.
But right now, I'm sad, and mad at myself for being so sad. And I'm feeling lonely, and missing hugs and physical affection, and hate hate hate hate that this is happening so so so so much.
I don't know what to say to my daughter when she says, "Mama, I'm sad. I want daddy."
And I definitely don't know how to respond to a WAH who thinks everything is honky-dory between us, and who thinks that we can just figure out our parenting plan and child care schedule as things come up. But when I try to put boundaries on it, he rolls his eyes at me and just reinforces his reasons for leaving.
Glad you asked, huh? Next week will be better, I'm sure. That is one really huge thing I've gotten out of this-- I know that I can feel sad--really, really sad-- but I don't have to be "depressed" (as in, I don't feel sad and hopeless all the time.) Feeling sad is a temporary thing. I am a great, beautiful person with a lot to offer the world. And if my H doesn't think I'm worth it to work on our R, he is a fool.
His walking away says a lot about him. And my handling it with grace and dignity and strength says a lot about me.
Oh is he the one who wants to be flexible by not defining childcare time? Make it a win win for him. How flexible can he really be if he has no idea if you're going to need him from one weekend to the next? He has way more flexibility to enjoy his life if he knows basically when he's "on" and when he's "off" duty. Maybe that will work.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I think you are doing great. It's perfectly normal to have sad moments and to feel disappointed. You can't control what your h thinks or feels- just Clare. And I couldn't agree more with your last statement that conducting yourself with divinity and class says so much about you. The high road is the best road:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I don't know what to say to my daughter when she says, "Mama, I'm sad. I want daddy."
When my girls say that, which is alot, I say "I miss Daddy too." And I give them a hug and then I'm quiet for a few seconds in case they want to say more about it. If not, I talk about something else...
Its hard to hear them say it. And hard because I want to fall apart that much more, but the hug usually makes us all feel a bit better - that we are together, the 3 of us.
Hold your head high - you are doing your utmost best at the hardest time of your life.
I'm glad you had a good Mother's Day with your daughter. Its nice when you can be with them and love them so much. I'm sure she loved it as much as you did!
{{hugs}}
M:41 H:38 D:6 D:3 M:11 yrs T:15 yrs Bomb: Feb 8/14 Seperated: Feb 12/14
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Just some updates-- I realized today that, now that I am actually sharing child-care duties significantly with H, I have so much more patience and can appreciate the time I am with her so much more. (Before H left, I did bedtime routine pretty much every night, and woke up with D every weekend morning.)
That said, I miss her terribly and I do resent missing out on so much time with her. Yesterday, they spent the day with my in-laws at my nephew's birthday. I'm so so sad to not be part of their family anymore.
I've also been thinking about our home. He broached the idea of me buying him out. At first I was totally for it, but now I'm having second thoughts. 1) I'm not sure I could get a mortgage for this place on my own. 2) The thought of having to sell it on my own feels daunting (managing the relationship with broker, keeping it presentable for showings, and going through with the actual sale all by myself... my H handled most of that (I was very pregnant) when we bought. 3) there are some issues/repairs to do, and it feels kind of unfair that he gets to just walk away with his equity without having to do any of the work that I would have to do to sell it.
I'm getting really angry thinking about that last part. Selling a home takes a lot of work. Why should he get to just up and walk away from it so easily when we entered this commitment and tied our money into this investment together? I need another perspective, please...
