Are you sure he wouldn't help with the repairs and sale of the house? If you sell it before you D (if that happens), then it's still half his. I'm in Ohio- here, the standard is either buy out the other person or sell the house and split the equity, if there is any.
Why wouldn't he help with repairs and selling it? Have you asked him? If not, you may just be jumping to negative scenarios in your head. Makes sense to me, that if he has an investment, he would do everything possible to get as much money as possible. (But, then logic doesn't always win out with a WAS! )
I've bought and sold 2 houses on my own- as a single parent. You can do it! (Find a good realtor and your role could be as minimal as possible).
Hang in there!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Yes, you are right. He would probably help if we sold before D. I'll still have to keep the house prepped for showings (not easy with a little one!), and deal with coordinating that, etc. Maybe I will put some $ value on that time/effort in our agreement...
I think my point was that if I just buy him out before D, he gets all his equity out without having to put in any time, effort or $ to sell it. I suppose that could be negotiated too, IF I could get a mortgage and really wanted to stay here.
Whew. Got some spew from my H today. He got angry and defensive when I pressed him to set a co-parenting schedule for the summer. He wants to figure things out "ad-hoc".
I know it's not about me. But it's still frustrating.
He still seems tired and upset every time I see him. He just sent me a terse message saying he needed to miss one of his mornings with our D this week because his day with D this weekend was so tiring, and he just has too much going on this week.
It's as if we have switched positions-- in the past, I was often feeling overwhelmed, needing him to pick up slack, tired all the time, snapping and impatient. Now, it seems to be the reverse.
I'm starting to be ready to be done with him. Despite all my noticeable changes (ones that he has complimented me on), he has not changed much at all, and still shows zero interest in being my H. Why am I still wearing my wedding ring? Why have I not insisted that he take all his books out of our home? Why don't I start dating? Right now, I don't know. Right now he does not appeal to me, and I'm having trouble remembering why I loved him in the first place.
I'm starting to be ready to be done with him. Despite all my noticeable changes (ones that he has complimented me on), he has not changed much at all, and still shows zero interest in being my H. Why am I still wearing my wedding ring? Why have I not insisted that he take all his books out of our home? Why don't I start dating? Right now, I don't know. Right now he does not appeal to me, and I'm having trouble remembering why I loved him in the first place.
Really think about this and don't be afraid of the answer. Let go of what you think you "should" feel.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks labug. It's not an easy or quick decision. I also know I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I still tend to read into things negatively, and I realized yesterday that I was still not 100% in control of my emotions. But-- I took a walk, wrote a bit, took some deep breaths, and realized that if I let what he said get to me, it was my problem. And that if he is grumpy or anxious or projecting things onto me, that doesn't mean it is because I've said or done anything wrong.
And the 180 I am most proud of is letting go of perfectionism. Because as I've given myself room to make mistakes, it has helped me give others the benefit of the doubt too. We are all just doing the best we can. I'm far from perfect and it is unfair to expect others to be.
Right now he does not appeal to me, and I'm having trouble remembering why I loved him in the first place.
I'm right here ^^^^^^ with you. And, yet, I still want to save my M.
I'm there too. For now, I'm trying not to think about it, and will worry about making that decision when/if the time comes. For now, I'm acting as if the D is going through and we're done. I'm doing my part, the ball is in W's court now.
-Pluto
H: 29 W: 27 No Kids
Together: 12/04 (9 years) Living: 02/09 (5 years) Married: 06/13 (11 months) ILYBNILWY: 01/14 Separate Bedrooms: 01/14 Discovered Affair: 02/14 (On-going) W Moved Out: 06/14
Been doing some rereading of my thread... wow I tend to post mostly the negative, and not much in the way of positive. That is something I am definitely working on in life, and a goal I have is to have a major positive to share every day. (25mlc has encouraged me to do this! )
Been doing some rereading of my thread... wow I tend to post mostly the negative, and not much in the way of positive. That is something I am definitely working on in life, and a goal I have is to have a major positive to share every day. (25mlc has encouraged me to do this! )
