Left Behind Newlywed

[Pluto]

LOL no worries, Wonka.

I was actually really quick and hit it immediately after posting when I forgot to mention Roberta and I spoke today.

I think there's a limited time you can edit.

[Pluto]

So I decided a simple returning the favour on Facebook was in order - if she didn't want me seeing what she is up to, I don't think I should allow her the same.

Unless, would it be better to leave mine open and let her creep if she wants to? I'm not doing anything 'wrong' - and might even provide her a chance to see some GAL'ing on my behalf.

[ye21]

Pluto, just block your facebook, you do your life and enjoy Galing because its good for you, my W blocked me when she left, now I am not in her block lost anymore since I arrived to Hawaii, I have to recognize that I prefer to not let her access to my info, my life as she stated when she asked for D its out of her concern so if thats what she wants, let her have it

Do the same, its hard, but fighting her you didnt reach any good point so let her have what she wants, maybe thats what she really wants or maybe time will show her thats not what she really wanted and she was just being inmature

[Pluto]

Thanks ye, that was my line of thinking as well. I need to show her that I'm moving on too, and that she doesn't get to have the best of both worlds.

[Pluto]

Little journaling here...

W has begun her 'vacation' with OM in town visiting. They're staying in a city about a half hour away for the next week. Ugh.

To keep myself busy, I'm trying to focus on GAL (and probably work).

For the weekend, I've lined up to have some friends come hang out tonight. Ironically, I had this planned before the talk about changing the locks and having people over. Tomorrow evening, I'll be playing some pickup hockey.

I plan to read some books as well, as I have a few of the self-help variety on my stack. Right now I'm working through Not Just Friends, and I still have 5LL: Men's Edition, Good Husband Great Marriage, His Needs Her Needs, and Surviving an Affair. I believe each of these were recommended from people on here at one point or another.

Otherwise, trying to find things to keep myself busy and distracted. I'm definitely going to be NC this week - W doesn't get to eat cake by texting me this time (which almost nightly did when she visited OM in March).

Any other suggestions welcomed!

[Anders]

I had a similar dilemma with W and I's shared calendars. There was a part of me that was putting certain things on there to show I was GAL, hoping she would see them and miss me. It took me a while to realize this was a completely wrong approach and preventing me from focusing on working on myself for me and not simply doing things to win her back.

It took a while to delete my access to her calendar as it felt like I was severing one more link between us (long distance marriage). But wise words from the forum are that letting go and giving up are not the same thing.

[Pluto]

Thanks, db. Good perspective.

But wise words from the forum are that letting go and giving up are not the same thing.

I need to keep remembering this.

Had a good night with some friends over. We ate, drank, and played video games. Was good to see them - and a most definite welcome distraction.

Have a hockey game to play later tonight, and hoping to make some plans with my brother for weekend still (Monday's a holiday here).

[JennD]

Keep busy. Even in the car, while driving - as long as its not a sad sappy song, I sing. I figured out that I can't sing and dwell on things at the same time.

Sounds like you're doing well! Keep it up!

[Pluto]

Thanks Jenn - I was just driving home from my hockey game (lots of fun, glad I decided to go) and thinking all sorts of stuff. Singing along to the music might have helped - I'll give that a try next time.

I was actually going to come on here and post that I think I'm unraveling. I'm worried that my resentment for how W has treated me these past few months and how much pain she's inflicted with her selfish decisions is now drowning out any love I feel/felt for her.

I'm at a cross-roads where I don't think there's any hope left, and even if there was, I'm not sure I even want her back.

Earlier today I discovered through a mutual friend that OM has changed his relationship status to 'In a Relationship with W' - At the same time, W has hidden her relationship status from her friends. The end result is, if anyone is friends with both OM and W, they can see on his profile that they're in a relationship... but not hers.

Is this part of the WAW's plan B? If things with OM were to fall apart, she wouldn't have to explain to any of her friends/family about OM. I'm pretty disgusted by this - especially when most people don't know even know we're considered separated.

I've resolved to remove all of our photos together from the house, put them in storage boxes in the basement. I'm also really tempted to change my status on facebook to separated - but that would be a method of exposure -- though since she's basically done it first, I'm not sure whether it 'counts' so to speak.

Would love some vets to chime in and keep me from doing something rash and stupid that I'd regret later.

[Pluto]

Any thoughts from the vets on the above post?

Had a good day GALing by hanging out with my brother. Also going to look into getting a lawyer lined up, based on the ranting from W earlier this week and her impending departure. I think it would be good to get the wheels in motion on a proper separation agreement - to protect myself and ensure she's not taking advantage of me any further.