Left Behind Newlywed

[zew]

IMHO:
Forget FaceBook. It is a tool of the devil, responsible for more strife than anything invented in the last 100 years. Forget its petty little statuses and relationships. Don't get sucked in to the puerile little game of who is showing who what about whom.

FaceBook is nothing but a huge gossip promoter, and gossip never goes anywhere good.

Be above it all. If you're standing for your M, then do so. Don't toy around playing games with your status. Leave it alone.

DETACH, DETACH, DETACH.

My W had me blocked on fb for a while. A few days ago I started getting her posts again. Intentional? Maybe. Or maybe she trashed her fb settings again. Do I care? No. Why? Because I'm not going to run my life based on fb posts/status/relationships or any other teenager-targeted online social network substitute for real face to face human relationships.

(and other than that, I have no opinion on fb!)

And as for the pictures...
If they really, really bother you, take them down.
If you are just trying to make a statement to jab at W, don't waste your time.

Again, keep focused on the end game, don't get distracted by tiny skirmishes.

[owl777]

Ditto. I have posted same kind of stuff on other threads about DBing and FB. Stop FB. It wrecks relationships when people use it in the negative way. If S is using it as a weapon, retreat!

[Pluto]

Thanks for this. I'm going to ignore what she does with her facebook, and do my own thing.

On the pictures, I'm pretty torn. Right now I feel like they're an unhappy reminder of how quickly things went downhill (most of them are from our wedding - which was only 11 months ago now), and right now I think I might be better off taking them down.. Help me move on and detach.

Then again, I might just be thinking that way as I feel pretty defeated lately. I'm going to be contacting a lawyer this week to set up a meeting and potentially begin the process of getting a separation agreement in place. I'm being told by more than a few people that I should consult with a L regarding changing the locks after W moves out - and especially since she threatened me with lawyers and demanded my lawyer's contact info last week (to which I asked her what made her think I had one, and also whether or not she had one.. she refused to answer either but mentioned she feels like she needs one since I'm being so mean/rude to her lately).

The lawyer I will be meeting with specializes in collaborative family law, which I understand is recommended here. Any thoughts on things I should ask about or look into before I meet?

[KGirl]

Like you, we don't have any kids, so the main things I talked about when I consulted with a lawyer were the house and then financial accounts (bank, retirement, ec.) It turns out that where I live, given we've only been married a few years, the status quo is to restore each person to what they had before the marriage, rather than split it equally. I had a lot of questions about how it would work with the house given that I'm moving out but we weren't legally separated (Does anything happen to my equity if I move out? How much equity will I be entitled to? How will it work later if he wants to buy me out of the house?) You may want to ask about her obligation for the mortgage, what you'd owe her if you bought her out of the house, the refinancing process, under what circumstances is she legally entitled to enter the house, how would you go about transferring the title... this is something family lawyers handle all the time so they should be able to give you a rundown of how it would work and what happens.

I took down pictures the same week H dropped the bomb, and they've been packed away in a box ever since. They certainly didn't make me feel any better - just sad about spending that time and $ for the wedding only to hear that H supposedly didn't want to get M anyway.

[Ggrass]

IMHO:
Forget FaceBook. It is a tool of the devil, responsible for more strife than anything invented in the last 100 years. Forget its petty little statuses and relationships. Don't get sucked in to the puerile little game of who is showing who what about whom.

FaceBook is nothing but a huge gossip promoter, and gossip never goes anywhere good.

Be above it all. If you're standing for your M, then do so. Don't toy around playing games with your status. Leave it alone.

DETACH, DETACH, DETACH.

My W had me blocked on fb for a while. A few days ago I started getting her posts again. Intentional? Maybe. Or maybe she trashed her fb settings again. Do I care? No. Why? Because I'm not going to run my life based on fb posts/status/relationships or any other teenager-targeted online social network substitute for real face to face human relationships.

(and other than that, I have no opinion on fb!)

And as for the pictures...
If they really, really bother you, take them down.
If you are just trying to make a statement to jab at W, don't waste your time.

Again, keep focused on the end game, don't get distracted by tiny skirmishes.

Don't let fake book, face slap or stalk book rule your thinking. Use it to your advantage.
Post your pics of your great times, of you looking hooooooooot! Me I did a ball gown shoot, my female friends looooved it it caused lots of talk.
Use face slap to put out there what you want to put out there, show your the person a fool would leave. Use it to create anything you want, laugh at their stuff.

[Ggrass]

Also a tip for fake book, there are levels of publishing stuff. You can have public which is seen by every one then you can set your close friends to get stuff you don't want made public. I do this. You can change the privacy each post.

Personal pics fluffy statuses and rants about idiots go on close friends. Stuff I want the world to see how good I am achievements, public outing, politicians meeting I do public. It's makes me look good. Like the bigger person. I make me look good. Public is stuff that could be seen on the front page of the news paper without anyone feeling bad.

[Pluto]

Thanks guys, you're all right (and just the 2x4's I needed).

I'm going to continue down my path of GAL and detach as much as I can.... but I also think I'm at a point where I need to draft a separation agreement and protect myself.

She's a loose cannon right now. I don't even know how I'm going to react when she returns from her week-long vacation with OM. I assume staying dark is the only real option here?

I want nothing to do with her while she's so invested in him.

[Pluto]

I've been researching lawyers and feeling overwhelmed.

Anyone have any good tips on what sort of things to prepare/ask when setting up meetings to determine whether you want to hire them?

I do not enjoy having to find a lawyer to help me with the divorce I don't want.... this is torture.

[Pluto]

Quick GAL update here.. lined up another hockey game with some friends Saturday night - over and above my normal Saturday league game.

W returns from 'vacation' on Sunday. In some ways, I wish she wouldn't return at all right now. The peace has been nice, to some extent. Certainly better than the cold war of past month or so.

Yesterday marked 11 months to the day we got married. This is a tough pill to swallow.

[labug]

About the attorney, having been married only 11 mos and no kids, do you have lots of marital assets that will need to be divided? Consult an attorney about that but you might not need one for more than a consult.