Yes, it sometimes feels that way. My W has a knack of making sharing space with her unpleasant. This is where I need to just yack and ignore her signals for a while, sort of a sticks and stones thing.
Of course I go to other rooms - please don't get me wrong - I cook and clean and mow the lawn, etc - but I do not like to be in the vicinity of (add sarcastic adjective here) W.
Plus, unlike the States, there isn't (and this needs to change, like it did in the States) that much to do here. There is always work, though... In the States I play music, go to French breakfasts to meet people, drum, see movies (Wadjda is great, btw), etc. Sweden just doesn't offer as much or perhaps not as easily or nearby - must work on GAL here.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
And now I can't sleep, realizing that a tide of sadness is coming in, W singlemindedly pushing, cleaning, painting, all towards leaving (me). She has 60 days or so before school starts again, so time is of the essence.
Perhaps her fast work will have the mercy of a surgeon operating without anesthesia, quick, brutal cuts that leave you gasping, but then it is over. And if/when d16 leaves, I am cast off, a pain I can't bear, drowning.
How to resist this sadness? How to negate it? How to do all my regular work with this happening, bits of evidence all around me, the cleaned freezer drawer, the emptied gardening closet, the trimmed trees? How do I live with this looming death? Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
And ironically, in my son's room, where I am sleeping, there are many seedlings, waiting to be planted, and my daughter tells me she is planting an entirely white bed of flowers and plants...
How to reconcile this new life with the dissolution of an old one? How do I go on vacation against this backdrop (I have lots left)? Is it right to escape into work, into listening to audiobooks, into a (very interesting) biography of cancer, such a fitting metaphor?
What strategies are there to get through this? Thanks - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
You still haven't changed the dynamic with your W. I can't help but feel sorry that you haven't been in your own bed for years. That you've slept downstairs like a guest for years and now sleep in your son's room by choice.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Looking back at the first post in 04, when this started, I see that nothing in our R has changed. Sure, I've become more social and connected to people, but the deep cavity in our R is still there. I guess it makes sense to leave me: after all, W has tried insults, silence, honesty, etc.
W (mind reading?) doesn't seem to care about my welfare or sharing our daughter equally or what I do, and said that nothing I do will change her mind. She didn't tell me that our son got an internship, though she heard this before me (he called me later to say), and so maybe doesn't even care to communicate things about the kids...
I am uncertain where this all leads, but it isn't promising. Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Maybe the best thing I can do is help her renovate and fix up the place. She said I abandoned her, years ago, so maybe I can be there a bit now. She is doing all the heavy lifting with painting, as she doesn't trust my handiwork, but I can scrape and prep.
I offered to help her scrub the deck today, but she did not answer. She later said I could dig up the lovage plant, which I did, and will be taking stuff to the dump tomorrow. Perhaps the best way through this is quickly, pushed by both of us.
I do feel like there is no hope after all this time and consistent behavior and statements from her, but am not sure if that suggests anything in terms of what I should do.
There is a building wall to be scraped, calling me. Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
My wife left me and we are getting divorced. My life is now better, yours will be too. It's a painful transition, but that's what it is -- a transition, not an end or a death. The other side is MUCH better than you would expect.
This is entirely survivable, you will see.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thanks. I think I can see the light on the other side a bit - I am a lot happier when in the States, doing, as you say, what I please, meeting new people, etc. I am thankful for the opportunities I've had there - at least 30% of the past decade has been good!
Just need to get through this rough patch - batten the hatches - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Have you considered getting an apartment in both countries, so when you went back to spend time with your daughter, you would have a place for her and you?
You really must get out from the bondage you feel with your W. Why wait to follow her lead? Prepare for your new life. Aren't you tired of being kicked around like a dead cat that's in her way?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
