Saving my family - Part 12

[Rick1963]

Starting a new R with W? You have expectations that may never come true. I worry that you're setting yourself up for more pain and disappointment. You should start a new R with you. Get to know you. Learn to like you. Let W be. She may join you later on. Get strong and healthy 1st.

[Scorp7]

Thanks Rick. I've been a work in progress when it comes to my own GAL. I've started my band back up again and should have some shows booked in the next while so that was a big step. I'm exercising regularly and am in the best shape I've been in 10 years. I've met some new friends in the last couple of months and have been getting out here and there.

As far as my W and I, anything we would have is basically going to be like starting a brand new R. Whatever form that takes, who knows. It's been 8 months now and things have improved to a degree but she still will not talk with me on the phone or see me in person. It's going to take a very, long, time.

[Wonka]

Hiya, Scorp!

You're back! You sound better than you have in a while. Dropped that paralyzing fear, huh?

It's been 8 months now and things have improved to a degree but she still will not talk with me on the phone or see me in person. It's going to take a very, long, time.

Yep. All the more important to continue focusing on YOU and your GAL activities. Be light and breezy in your exchanges with W. It'll take a long time for the iceberg to thaw.

I'd be careful of having your stepmother talk with your W. It isn't always a good idea to get the family involved in your sitch.

[Scorp7]

Hey Wonka! I'm feeling pretty good. I do feel drained, my life has been insanely busy. It is so very worth it though.

I've tried to keep things light with my W. We even got to the point we were joking and teasing each other a bit in our email messages. After that it seemed like she pulled back a bit again.

My stepmother and my W seem to get along quite well and she is the only one my W has openly agreed to see in person. Their talks have been positive when they've happened. It does feel a bit wrong though to have anyone else involved in our sitch.

My W did come to pick up our oldest D to take her to the gymnastics class that my W is helping out with. My W didn't want me in attendance so she definitely still has her walls way up.

I guess it's just a matter of time. Right now we're still speeding towards a D. She has her L, I have mine. We're in the disclosure phase of the process. My W did message me a while ago and said she wanted to settle without lawyers and I agree, it would be best to not have to use the L's for everything.

That being said, I don't want a D. It seems she definitely still does. I'm not sure there's anything I can do about that.

[Scorp7]

Thanks gabbysmom, that's a very good point. This coming Friday will only be my 3rd week with the kids since we started doing the week on, week off thing. I'm trying to be patient and yet it seems as soon as we have progress I want to rush forward.

[Scorp7]

Am I totally fooling myself into thinking there's a chance of a R? It's been 8 months, not very long in these situations I suppose.

I guess no one can really say for sure what the chances are. I've heard of sitchs worse than mine and the couple ended up back together, so it can happen.

[Thornton]

Hey Scorp,

There's still hope. I see some of these people reconcile after years! It amazes me.

[Tarheel]

Scorp, if you would have asked me if I could ever envision myself still here 8mos after BD, I would have said no way. Yet here I am 8 mos later with you. Stay strong!

[Scorp7]

Thanks Thornton, Tarheel! If I don't give up then there is always hope. It would be an amazing thing for sure.

[Scorp7]

Here's another question for you. When I call to speak to my kids when they are with my W her parents often answer the phone. When they do I don't attempt to make any small talk, I just ask to speak to my kids. Should I attempt to engage in any small talk with her parents?

Before this all happened, anytime her parents would have called our place I would have talked to them a bit. Obviously a lot has changed since then so should I still try to talk to her parents a bit (ask about the weather, how they are doing etc) or just leave it at asking to talk to my kids?