Well, I have a couple of leads but if they don't hatch into offers I'm at square one. I'm anxious.
Am wrapping things up at the old office, selling off furniture and clearing out the files, and having my annual audit fieldwork done, so it's busy busy.
The wheels turn slowly in the hiring process at this level, apparently.
How are you CES?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Good luck. It is typically a VERY slow process and then suddenly everything will start happening fast. I get the anxiousness, but also know you're equipped to deal with that part and work through it.
Doing ok on this side of things. Just celebrated by birthday on Friday and started my annual summer "bachelorhood" stint while the family does a bit of travel. Nothing major but I'll post more on my thread at some point.
My son is still set on lacrosse so I'm excited he's wanting to get involved in something physical. Take care and have a great week.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Great! Has he been out there working on his wall ball? Happy birthday!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Things are slow around here, and I'm dragging, trying to pull myself up out of the slump, using all the various tools I've learned to use. I've got exercise, fun plans, lists broken out into steps, medication, supportive friends, etc etc so I'll get there but right now I'm not there.
I feel most of the time like I've been on my own for years and am completely over the hurt of my marriage ending. H is pleasant and even kind of helpful, inquires now and then about how my job search is going, paid for roof repairs, offered to post some for-sale listings for me at his office. But we're not really connected in any meaningful way, and I don't really care to be. I'm not looking for anything from him other than what he's financially obligated to do and hopefully some attention to our kids.
But when he came over last night for 15 minutes, I ate a half a pizza after he left, that I didn't really want and certainly didn't need. Comfort food, emotional eating.
I didn't really feel like being engaging, I was lying in the hammock so he came out and sat on the porch. Opened mail, mentioned another $50 bill from the concussion clinic followed by what seemed an expectation of an answer, but all I could come up with was "oh". Asked about our new fridge and took a look at it. Mentioned selling stuff from a bulletin board at his office. Then we were silent for a while. Then he went to see if the kids were home; one was out and the other had gone to sleep early. So he left.
Half of me feels I could perform better for some reason, like keeping the way home paved or being a good coparent, or just plain being an interesting engaging personality. And the other half of me sees no point and is not motivated to do that. If H won't or can't bring a personality to me, I don't feel much interest in bringing one to him. So much for "act as if."
It is artificial now to use DB phrases for what we're doing. We're just an old separated couple waiting for someone to get motivated to process the paperwork. It's on my list but I've been busy/overwhelmed/avoidant.
So... today I'm spoiling myself a little with a good intense hike. I'm spending 1 hour on my outgoing client's financials, and I'm spending 1 hour on looking for a new job and/or trying to close the deal on the one lead I have right now. Adding in laundry for the giant load of outgrown clothes I can sell at the resale shop. I got out of bed this morning so that's a step in the right direction. I think having some certainty about my income, which is ending this month without anything new coming yet, will have a very positive impact on my mood. The ironic thing is that having a better mood would probably help with getting a job too. Chicken meet egg.
Hope you all are having a better time than me today. And I'm going to go look for blessings to count.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Your interaction with your H sounds peaceful. That's a good thing!
Quote:
Half of me feels I could perform better for some reason, like keeping the way home paved or being a good coparent, or just plain being an interesting engaging personality. And the other half of me sees no point and is not motivated to do that. If H won't or can't bring a personality to me, I don't feel much interest in bringing one to him. So much for "act as if."
Try to see this as navel gazing, and don't assign much weight to these types of thoughts. Let them in, and let them out.
Quote:
We're just an old separated couple waiting for someone to get motivated to process the paperwork. It's on my list but I've been busy/overwhelmed/avoidant.
I get this way with stuff too. Sometimes it's because I know I need some time to gather my thoughts before I jump to the next lily pad. But promise yourself that when your lily pad is threatened that you *will* jump to save yourself and your kids?
Keeping my fingers crossed for you on the job front.
Just a thought... are you creative in some way that could bring you money? I'm going to start "recycling" some of my furniture by rehabbing it with chalk paint and then reselling it. I signed myself and D20 up for a class in 2 weeks to learn the techniques, and then we're getting started on some pieces I already have. Then we'll comb the thrift shops and look for new makeover prospects for cheap. I figure I can use an outlet for that kind of activity and make it bring in a few extra bucks myself. And since my D20 wants to learn something new too, it's a good way for us to spend time together. I see this as a huge win for all.
Chicken, meet egg.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Yeah, peaceful navel gazing. As an overachiever I feel like that's a disorder but when you put it that way it sounds cozy and ok.
I've been selling bunches of stuff on Craigslist. I spent all day primping a bunch of nice designer teen boy clothes and the snooty resale shop rejected them all because they are out of date. How would I know? Anyway, into the yard sale with them.
I've been thinking about signing up as a dog walker or weed puller to get some extra income that doesn't interfere with getting a regular job soon. Low commitment. Not much flair with interior design, I'd probably be the one whose piece ends up on Antiques Roadshow with the dealers shaking their heads and saying, if only it hadn't been refinished you'd be millionaires....tsk tsk. I do have a lot of furniture but I'm attached to it. Much of it was built by my mom's grandfather and we have a bed that probably predates the Civil War... I'm sentimental about stuff. H didn't take a stick of furniture when he left, but we probably only own three things that we acquired jointly and the rest I inherited anyway.
I came THIS close to buying a cupcake truck that's for sale. If it fit in my garage. There must be something I can invest my business in rather than closing it down, but I haven't hit on it yet. My dad told me a story of a woman who bought a gravel pit and did quite well. No gravel pits around here. Keeping my eyes open though, trying to think outside the box.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Being unemployed is so hard for so many reasons as you know. You seem to be doing a great job managing your time from job searching to self care to making some cash.
Give yourself some credit.
I love the idea of doing some local work like pulling weeds. Also a suggestion- I know us moms with young kids sometimes need help for an hr in the morning or an hr or two in the afternoon when we cant make it back in time for pick up. I found a college kid on my block that helps me some days.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Yeah gm i saw your news and have been thinking of you, just not typing it. Thanks for lending support, i feel really sure you'll / we'll find a great opportunity soon. I'm trying to figure out if i can get unemployment...i could lay myself off and see if i qualify. Every little bit helps.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Gineen.... Use your iPad and autocorrect... It could pass for Mandarin.
Btw AD, my house is filled with lovely traditional furniture common to the east coast. I love it too. But I am now at an age where I want to downsize and morph into someone different. So I'm willing to let go of "stuff" that keeps me in the past. I made a promise to myself to change anything in my life (not just stuff) that isn't working for me anymore, holding me back or I'm not in love with it/him/her/them. It's been kind of liberating.
I think this is because I just sold every blasted thing in the house of someone I truly loved. Seeing a price tag on his stuff made me realize that anything and everything has a price. Because you can't take it with you, and it better be something you love otherwise it's just superfluous.
Go apply! You will probably qualify, and it might be enough to put gas in your car and a few extra bags of food at Giant.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
