Last night, we had a brief conversation, my W said she feels very confused, and she is scared right now, standard scripts for the WAW and very realistic. I'm in the same boat. She brought up the open house and big trip that is planned for January.
I stopped her there, and said that we cannot discuss our R or future while she is in an affair. And I will not wait around. She said she knows she would have to stop communication etc obviously. At that point, the conversation about our R ended, we made a little small talk for 5 minutes, and then she left.
I of course was excited that she has been thinking about it a lot, according to herself, but I tried to temper my excitement. Good thing, she picked up the kids today so I could go to the gym. And then while I was at the gym she texted me to ask if i had plans for tonight, or could she be gone from this evening to tomorrow afternoon. Clearly the OM is back in the picture. I checked my intel and confirmed this.
So I'm left confused, angry and frustrated by her actions. Which is a huge fail on my part, because my emotions shouldn't be derived from my interactions with my W.
Here's how the text conversation was just left:
W: Hey... Bad timing i know but do you have plans tonight? Or can I go today around the same time as D5's game and be available tomorrow around 1pm?
Dev: I had plans,but nothing has been discussed with you. so it hasn't been confirmed. Can we talk about it later. It frustrates me when this gets dropped on me like this.
W: Im sorry. I didn't mean to drop it on you. I meant to just be putting it out there. I haven't made any plans. I was waiting to see what the schedule was for the weekend
Dev: Can we talk when I'm done my workout in person? You really confuse me sometimes
W: Sure. I was waiting til you were at the gym.
Dev: What?
W: Because I find talking to you in person more awkward
Dev: Just so I'm clear, you are planning to be gone from 4 tonight until 1 PM tomorrow. And then you think I would go to an open house with you?!?
W: No I don't think that. Dev: What do you think?
W: I think I've got a lot of stuff to deal with & figure out.
Dev: As far as I'm concerned, none of the stuff we discussed is an option while you are in an affair. And I'm not waiting around.
W: I know all of that. For you that part is black and white. For me, it's more complicated. I understand the parameters. I have to look at if I can make it black and white for me.
Dev: I appreciate that you need to do that, and it must be difficult I do care. Tell me more about what your going through.
So go ahead. Dissect away. I wish I hadn't said she confused me. Or asked the question about the open house. They were both reaction based. It's irrelevant. I tried to validate the difficulty she is having. Thanks Wonka I didn't include the part where she responded at the end saying she was having a shower, meaning she wasn't going to answer my question.
I do have plans, but hadn't confirmed anything yet. I'm not too sure how I should proceed. I think I made myself clear, but perhaps not?
So I have another question, and it's a troubling one.
During my intel gathering, I saw a few conversations that revolved around my WAW trying to determine the status of her A. She is seeking more than the OM will provide, he said she's too busy with kids, doesn't have time, and he doesn't want to do long distance. My W also said that I was doing everything I could to save everything.
So I fear two things. I have erred if that is her perception, and clearly I am plan B. She told the OM that she wants more, he won't provide it. And she still doesn't want to be with me. It hurts. And makes me wonder if I need to get even more into LRT?
I'm not sure if it's the start of her A falling apart or not. I previously have pointed out to her how she is being used, but now I know better and don't even discuss it. She is upset from what I gathered because he has no interest in meeting anyone significant in her family, or my children ( for which I am happy obviously). I'm really not sure what my next smart step would be. The crunch is comjng for her as she has to move out of the house she is in.
As long as she thinks that I'm always available as second choice, I don't think she's going to choose to do anything. Of course, I'm failing badly at worrying about myself and not her at this time.
I didn't include the part where she responded at the end saying she was having a shower, meaning she wasn't going to answer my question.