Hi Luke I appreciate you dropping by my thread and your support.. A teacher,..we can be pretty bossy we teachers though I thought we talked too much rather than too little. Does she resent that you get to travel?
The low level irritation is hard to live with I am glad you and your daughter are getting out.. she will enjoy the change of mood too. your D will notice the tension.
What does your daughter do when she hangs with your wife? Can you do some of the same sort of thing? enjoy the weekend.. it is going to be hot today..
Yes, I think she does resent my bopping around the world, but that is part of my job. If I were to take a Swedish job, it would presumably be less well paid, and without as much travel.
D and W just talk, clean or do crafts together (this morning d16 helped cut strawberries for a fruit trifle W needed for school). I am not as talkative, and perhaps a bit more forbidding as a dad, though I love my d16 like mad. I offered to keep her company setting plants a few minutes ago, but she said no thanks. I only wish she knew how sad that makes me, but I do not want to impose on her.
Yeah, low level irritation is a drag - I wish they could let go of it, or express it more directly.
Told d16 about thoughts of taking her to Japan, which she expressed interest in going to, over fall break - we'll see where that leads.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Yes, I think she does resent my bopping around the world, but that is part of my job. If I were to take a Swedish job, it would presumably be less well paid, and without as much travel.
D and W just talk, clean or do crafts together (this morning d16 helped cut strawberries for a fruit trifle W needed for school). I am not as talkative, and perhaps a bit more forbidding as a dad, though I love my d16 like mad. I offered to keep her company setting plants a few minutes ago, but she said no thanks. I only wish she knew how sad that makes me, but I do not want to impose on her. If it were me, I'd "impose" on my child. I'd hang out and help, without asking her if it's okay for her to be near the person who helped bring her into this world. Parents are "allowed" to be near their children, esp ones still living at home. That's something I feel certain of.
It'd be different if you actively irritated her. I get the feeling your offers sound as if you are offering to do her a favor, perhaps. (In which case she's more likely to say "no thanks".) Anyhow, I suggest less asking, less waiting for an invite, less waiting, MORE DOING.
Make sense?
Yeah, low level irritation is a drag - I wish they could let go of it, or express it more directly. Told d16 about thoughts of taking her to Japan, which she expressed interest in going to, over fall break - we'll see where that leads.
Luke
Why not say, with passion & enthusiasm, that you REALLY WANT TO GO TO JAPAN WITH HER, and leave it at that?
Also, you write beautifully. Your words make me want to go to Sweden.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks, MLC, that is exactly the kind of stuff I need to hear - my right to be near my own kid (jeepers!). I did exactly that this morning, when d16 seemed kind of crabby... she didn't seem to want to talk, hanging out in her room upstairs, but I talked to her anyway, stoked a conversation for a bit. When heading off for school, I called out 'love and kisses!' to her, just to remind her of my feelings.
Sweden can be so clear - the air so transparent - perhaps Alaska is that way too? There are times when the sky toward the north is an absolute blue, hard and pure, not a trace of white in it. I am glad if my words bring you some pleasure. Luke
I really like your idea of how to state my desire to go to Japan with d16 - the passion and enthusiasm part feels exactly right. We had a great time there, 10 years ago. Now she would appreciate it even more. L
what a great idea.. it is take her to Japan.. Make the offer with enthusiasm.. maybe she can do some of the planning.. get her involved in the whole thing.. she sounds smart.
Teenage girls will say " yuck my dad said ......." and inside they will be pleased.. and she will remember she was pleased.
you plan, you think, you offer, but you never just DO.
the happiness you feel in the states has nothing to do with the states, and everything to do with you not being prostrated to your w.
the poking your d did is because you DID something beyond planning and thinking. its because of ACTION.
go and get yourself an apartment in sweden, get out of that toxic house. get your D to help you furnish, make sure you have enough room for her to come and stay with you.
get off your a$$ already. and take action.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Luke, i know how paralyzing the fear can be, and how safe the planning and thinking and analyzing is. your mind blows the fear out of proportion. With more and consistent action, you'll find that the fear is really very small and weak. and prevents you from being content.
you dont even have to tell anyone. just look around, do some window shopping, get an idea of what it will be like. picture yourself in your own house/apartment, sleeping in your own bed, not walking on eggshells, all your windows closed properly. take the first step, its not as bad as you're making it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
