I think that is totally up to you. If you don't want the D to move faster, let your h manage. You can't control what he thinks. If you want to move the process along, then don't be afraid to do so.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Interesting observation (and I won't do any mind reading about it...): My MIL (who is herself divorced since my H was very young) reached out to me today (Father's Day) to talk for the first time since my H left me almost 8 months ago. The conversation was about my D3, and was just like it used to be between us. I've missed talking to her like that very much. I think I did a great job of keeping the conversation positive and I did not bring up my H or MR at all.
I just thought it was interesting that my MIL would reach out to me today, after not doing so in so long, on a day when her son is spending Father's Day with her WAH.
Yes, labug. She also suggested we should meet for lunch one day to "catch up some more". I know that watching her son go through this is hard for her too, even though she will love and support her son no matter what. We will have to redefine our relationship in some ways but that is just how it goes.
Claire, I thought of you today at my IC appointment. I told my C that I was sad that I'm beginning to struggle to remember why I thought the M was worth fighting for. He said that's the right place for me to be for now -- that the relationship has ended and I need to get to a place where I understood that and can mourn it. If someday down the road H and I are able to reconnect and build a new relationship, that I need to treat it as a truly new relationship with him. Processing the old one as gone makes that possible.
What do you think?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell I agree.. it is a dead thing.. sadly.. but obviously wasn't working for everyone
I have to wonder how to build a new relationship with him as I listen to him lie. Ma ybe with the right work I could forgive the lies so glibly told but it will be impossible to forget. grieving the marriage is tough..
Will respond more later... But just had to share that I have a major validation opportunity this evening! .. need to think through what to say and how. Stay tuned...
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
Sent my validating email. He responded, immediately: "Thank you. I appreciate your response, Claire. And I'm sorry if I didn't communicate [about this issue] better..."
In his email to me earlier, he was all worked up and doing all kinds of mind-reading, making him mad at me and feeling defensive, even though I didn't actually tell him I was upset about anything! So, I think by validating him, I showed him that I can keep my cool in these situations, and I don't always have to "win". On the other hand, he's getting his way, and sometimes it feels like he is a bit of a manipulator/bully. Hmmm.
But still, I avoided an argument and showed a 180. So, I'll call this one Claire FTW!
