Not trying to push you into something you don't feel ready for, but I honestly don't think that rejecting him would make him pine for you. But what the hell do I know?
If she has a "real" activity it absolutely is going to work like that. She can make plans now before he even asks. I just see it as way more chance to go wrong and backslide by going, where I see a positive outcome by not going. And now I can say but what the hell do I know either lol. Oh and say "I am awesome and dont need to go to prove it"
Last edited by Ben2010; 06/19/1401:08 AM.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek hello and a compliment on my dress. We had a quiet, pleasant talk about his trip. A fair amount of catching up about the kids. Some talk about my trip with the kids and a few questions about my family. All very friendly and it wasn't even difficult.
He asked a few questions about furniture and I didn't even feel prickly. I asked about tomorrow and I'm off the hook for lunch, thankfully. He apologized that we hadn't connected better on the phone while he was traveling and I acknowledged that I had needed that time away from him. He asked if we could have dinner together when I get back. I hesitated, then asked what the purpose would be? He said "To not feel so... Estranged." I told him I'd consider it and let him know.
I feel pretty good about this interaction. I got a lot more out of it than I even hoped for. Strangely, one of the things I got back that I've been missing all day was my detachment. The whole time I was with him I felt mainly curiosity about what I would see and hear from him. I enjoyed his company, too, and I have been worrying that I had forgotten that there was anything about him I even liked. We spent about 45 minutes together and I was good with that amount of time.
We are still separated and still closer to divorce than reconciliation. But I feel more at peace than I did two hours ago, so it was a well-spent evening.
Thanks to all of you who had such passionate views on my sitch. it is nice to know you care.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
And it turns out he also brought me two gifts back. He hasn't done that in several trips. And both were thoughtful. One was even something that is special between the two of us. The other could have been just a courtesy gift that he didn't know what else to do with, but that's OK. It also might not have been.
I got a pretty good run in this morning which made me very happy. He just took the kids to lunch so I'll have maybe 90 minutes to myself in the house, which I haven't had in the daytime in over a week and won't have again for a few more weeks at least.
He also opened his birthday gifts from the kids this morning. I had told him a week or two ago that he wouldn't be getting the $200 speaker. He was annoyed about it via email ("Fine. Whatever. I don't care.") but the things the kids picked out were much more special and he seemed to appreciate their thoughtfulness.
He leaves this afternoon for his birthday trip and while he's gone I leave for vacation with the kids. I intend to stay dark while I'm gone and I won't be in a hurry to accept the dinner invitation. We appear to be moving into a new phase of things here and only time will tell what kind of phase it is.
I am slightly concerned about letting him slide his way into cake-eating so I'm counting on you all to point that out to me very promptly if it looks like that's what's happening. For my own well-being it would be better to keep him at arm's length for a good long while. I have no idea what the status of his "friendship" with OW is at the moment... should I ask about that before I accept a dinner invitation?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I don't think it's a ploy. Possibly he's been thinking about things. Certainly he wants our co-parenting relationship to be easier. (But he didn't need to buy gifts to achieve that)
He did say several weeks ago that he misses our friendship.
Well, I have another ten days off from worrying too much about him so I will make good use of them.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
When we were about nine months into our relationship, H (then boyfriend) and I got into an argument about an event I wanted him to attend with me. He didn't want to go. The argument never got heated but somehow it got more intense, and finally I said, "Are you breaking up with me?" He said, "It's just not what I want," and walked out.
I waited three days (during which I couldn't eat or sleep; but I did read Men Are From Mars...) and on the 4th day sent him an email that said, "Are you really never going to talk to me again?" He replied, "I'm sorry, I guess I was just avoiding this," then called and made a date to come and make dinner at my place (he had three rowdy roommates and I lived alone). We "solved" everything that night, fell back madly in love again, and were engaged three months later.
(I didn't go to the event, either)
"This is just not what I want" is exactly the line he gave me when he asked me for a separation. (I am absolutely certain that he did NOT cheat on me on that occasion)
Prior to our three day break up he was feeling pressured by me; prior to our separation he was feeling very pressured by me...
I guess I'm trying to decide if there is a connection between those two incidents.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
it is nice to know you care.