I didn't decide to change my name from my STBXH last name to either my maiden name or to my 1st XH last name which is my kids last name. I just thought it was too much trouble for me but that's just MO.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I talked to my sister and she says I can leave the name change request out of my answer to the D petition and then add it in to the decree before everything is finalized. I guess that gives me another 6 weeks or so to make a decision.
In my state, it is one of the things that you include in your answer to the D filing. I have 20 days from the date of filing to answer. Tomorrow makes 2 weeks since he filed, so I do have to decide relatively soon.
You can change your mind, and your name, later....if you want.
This is not a hill to die on or think about so much. Really, she might not even notice. However you seem to really think she's going to notice and that it will affect her, so if that is true,
I'd keep the same name FOR NOW so it's less change for HER, at this time.
Address the rest of this later. These are not today's problems.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I talked to my sister and she says I can leave the name change request out of my answer to the D petition and then add it in to the decree before everything is finalized. I guess that gives me another 6 weeks or so to make a decision.
See previous post. I'm starting to think you believe the choice will affect HIM...
b/c to a 7 y/o d, who'll never even see the petition, you are spending a lot of time on this.
I'm thinking you hope that if you change your name back, it'll show him that you are detaching, and that maybe he can't just get you back, later on. So maybe he'll slap his forehead and say "OMG what am I doing? She's NOT keeping my name!!"
From what I can tell, if he notices at all, AND OR if your d ever notices AND IF she cares AND IF she comments upon it in some negative way, he'd probably blame you for upsetting her.
Do you believe HE will even notice this? I am not so sure. Not to mention all the variables that have to play out for this to even matter.
Also, there's just as much argument for him wanting you to change your name in the event of OW wanting to be married to him. Nothing seems to irk new wives than sharing a last name with ex spouses...so if you want to spend your time mind reading, you can add that to the cauldron.
But I think this is a non issue. Name changes are NOT hard to do at any time. This is not an irreversible decision.
What's going on in your life, today??
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
See previous post. I'm starting to think you believe the choice will affect HIM...
b/c to a 7 y/o d, who'll never even see the petition, you are spending a lot of time on this.
I'm thinking you hope that if you change your name back, it'll show him that you are detaching, and that maybe he can't just get you back, later on. So maybe he'll slap his forehead and say "OMG what am I doing? She's NOT keeping my name!!"
From what I can tell, if he notices at all, AND OR if your d ever notices AND IF she cares AND IF she comments upon it in some negative way, he'd probably blame you for upsetting her.
Do you believe HE will even notice this?
I've been thinking about this since I saw your post. I thought that I was thinking the name-change decision through so thoroughly because I was trying to be sure that I was making a decision based on what I want and not based on what I thought H would think about it. My H isn't a very detail-oriented kind of guy, so he probably wouldn't notice it in the paperwork. Even if he did, I doubt he would care.
I did file the answer to the D petition on Wednesday. I misunderstood what my sister told me about the name change. She said I can put it in the answer, and then leave it out of the decree if I change my mind. So, I left it in the paperwork she had already drafted. My state requires that you give the other party a copy of the paperwork the day it is filed. I emailed it to him that night.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
What's going on in your life, today??
I've actually been sick, so other than going to work, not a whole lot the past few days. I'm feeling better now, so I should be able to turn that around
H called me yesterday to invite me to lunch, but I was in meetings all day. He has still been calling at least once a day, often for no discernible reason. I usually don't answer the phone and then call him back later. I'm still feeling very detached. There was a time, not very long ago at all, when I think I would have accepted my H back with no changes on his part. That isn't the case anymore. I don't want him back how he is right now. He would have to make some serious changes for me to consider that.
Today was D7's first therapy appointment. She seemed to "click" with the therapist. As I was making her next couple of appointments, D7 took a sticky note and a pen off her desk and wrote her a note. She was laughing and smiling as we left.
H, on the other hand, seemed to be in a terrible mood the whole time. Unlike prior times, however, his mood didn't affect mine at all. I didn't try to rescue him, or figure out what was bothering him, or try to make him feel better. Most importantly, I stayed in a great mood. Isn't that a sign of detachment?
Not a lot to update. I'm still feeling very detached from my H. I think I really TRULY (finally) believe that I deserve more than what he has to offer right now. I don't find myself thinking I don't know what to do if things don't work out, or I wonder what he's doing tonight. I don't even find myself hoping that things work out. I'm not making any decisions based on what he will think or how it could affect R. I'm just making the decisions that are best for me and for my D7. I feel really happy and hopeful about the future.
I had my first Divorce Care meeting on Sunday. It was really just a day for introductions. I think it is going to be good for me.
I've been struggling with some guilt over the past few days. I've realized that I don't want to be M to my H anymore. I don't respect, or really even like, who he is now. So, I guess I'm feeling guilty because I *should* want my M to work out, but I'm not even hoping for that now. He said we aren't compatible. The truth is, if this person he's been for the last 8 months is the real him, he's right. We aren't compatible. The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that this is how he's always been.
Except for the guilt that's been popping up, I feel really happy. I've been living alone (well, with D7 half the time) for the first time in my life. I went from my dad's house, to the college dorm, to living with my H. I'm finding that I like it. A lot. Yesterday, my mom told me about taking in a dog because the owner was very ill and expected to pass very soon. My mom can't keep the dog because she doesn't have a yard. I talked to her about the dog's temperament and decided that I wanted her. I didn't have to think about what anyone else would think about it. H would have said no. We have one dog, but that is only because of D7 and me. She and I are animal-lovers and H is animal-neutral at best. I really liked the freedom of just being able to make the decision. And D7 and I are super excited about our new pet.
