Sometimes we get too consumed with buying more and more self-help books because we want to WORK on our selves quick. It is a life-long process.
When I was a newbie, I read through probably 20 self-help books a month. In hindsight, I think it contributed to being consumed with Ms. Wonka. I want to share some of my experiences and help you avoid the same trap.
Yes, I did some new GAL activities like learning golf. Yet I my thoughts centered around Ms. Wonka waaaayyy too much in the first several months.
What you might want to do differently is mix things up with good novels if you are a reader. Or rent a good comedy to make you laugh. A good laugh is great medicine.
Wow, what a difference a full night's sleep does for the mind. I only woke up once to use the bathroom and slept until my alarm went off. That hasn't happened in 2 months.
Last night before bed, I was reading a daily reader by Melanie Beatty. I flipped it open to the current date, and the subject was all about detachment. It felt like a sign that I need to work harder at detaching and really grasping the concept.
Detaching is scary for me. It makes me feel out of control and that it will only push away and justify in WAW's mind that she made the right decision.
I'm also starting to feel like WAW wants me to be the one to pull the plug. I realize that she left me, but she stays tethered to me through FB and keeping her things and receiving mail at my place.
Is this a possibility? That she wants to be the victim here and have me text her to come get all her things and that I'm deleting her from FB? It almost seems like that's what she wants IMO to ease her guilt (or whatever she is feeling). Mindreading...
Wow, what a difference a full night's sleep does for the mind. I only woke up once to use the bathroom and slept until my alarm went off. That hasn't happened in 2 months.
Good for you!!!
Last night before bed, I was reading a daily reader by Melanie Beatty. I flipped it open to the current date, and the subject was all about detachment. It felt like a sign that I need to work harder at detaching and really grasping the concept.
It is a work in progress for many newbies. Been there, done that. Have the t-shirt.
Detaching is scary for me. It makes me feel out of control and that it will only push away and justify in WAW's mind that she made the right decision.
Why? Detaching is FOCUSING on you and your own life. Detaching ins't pushing anyone. It is just living your life and being you. GALing with activities and hobbies just makes you all the more interesting & well-rounded. It usually draws the WAS back because you've shown you're independent and seek out your own joy.
I'm also starting to feel like WAW wants me to be the one to pull the plug. It is your anxiety that's acting up and you spin off into mindreading.I realize that she left me, but she stays tethered to me through FB and keeping her things and receiving mail at my place.
Is this a possibility? That she wants to be the victim here and have me text her to come get all her things and that I'm deleting her from FB? It almost seems like that's what she wants IMO to ease her guilt (or whatever she is feeling). Mindreading...
Don't go there. Speculating does no one good and it keeps you stuck.
So I was doing so good with not snooping but checked her FB today in a moment of weakness. I'm beating myself up now because of it.
Nothing really bad. But there are pictures of her happy and smiling with her daughter. It makes me feel like I am holding on to something that's no longer there. Like how can she be happy during a time like this? It almost feels like she is rubbing it in my face.
There were also some posts about her struggles and problems. And even some prayers.
She still lists herself as in a relationship with me and all of our old pictures are still there.
What the eff' is she waiting for? Why doesn't she come get her things, change her mailing address, and cut me out of her FB?
That's why I get the feeling she is wanting me to be "the bad guy". Like she's too scared to completely pull the plug, so if she waits me out, eventually I'll tell her to come get her things and delete her from FB and then she gets off the hook.
Quit mind-reading. I know one of the vets will tell you that. If you look at my FB since the BD there are pictures of me with my kids, happy and smiling. Does that mean I'm ready to move on and let go of my M?!?! NO!!
We do have some of the same thought processes...you are not ready to give up, so don't!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
So I was doing so good with not snooping but checked her FB today in a moment of weakness. I'm beating myself up now because of it.
Nothing really bad. But there are pictures of her happy and smiling with her daughter. It makes me feel like I am holding on to something that's no longer there. Like how can she be happy during a time like this? It almost feels like she is rubbing it in my face.
There were also some posts about her struggles and problems. And even some prayers.
She still lists herself as in a relationship with me and all of our old pictures are still there.
What the eff' is she waiting for? Why doesn't she come get her things, change her mailing address, and cut me out of her FB?
That's why I get the feeling she is wanting me to be "the bad guy". Like she's too scared to completely pull the plug, so if she waits me out, eventually I'll tell her to come get her things and delete her from FB and then she gets off the hook.
Any advice?
Lots...
Why did you really look ??
Be honest about it, because I know that you said you couldn't help yourself. Yet we BOTH know that isn't true...
What were you looking for ?
What did you hope to find ??
What is she waiting for ???
I dunno, why don't you ask her ??? Go ahead and ring that bell buddy, and see where you are after that. Cause I have a real good idea where that might be....
What does it matter what she is waiting for. You have expressed that YOU aren't ready right now, even if she DID call and want to come back...
You should be focusing on your stuff right now, and the things that you want to change about yourself...
Thor, you are killing yourself with all of this mindreading crap.
Truth is, that you have ZERO idea what she is thinking and feeling, much less if that smile is real or fake...
And to assume that you know, is a pretty useless waste of time. Time that could be better spent on or doing something for yourself, or your Daughter...
BUT (since you are so fond of that word)....
Pick 6 numbers between 1 and 100 for me ???
Yea, you seem to know so much about what she is thinking, and predicting your future, I thought maybe you could give the some winning lottery numbers : )
I looked because the not knowing makes me crazy sometimes, Mach. I feel hopeful about things, that we can repair our relationship. But on the other hand, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's like I'm anticipating being blind-sided again. I'm still attached.
What I was looking for was a sign, a signal, a spark of encouragement. She's a huge FB junkie and I wanted to get a feel for what she is thinking. We've texted 3x in 2 months. All of it was superficial, poker face texting.
I guess I have a hard time being between all or nothing. Either tell me you still see a future with me or completely break my heart so I can completely cut you out of my life.
I don't have a crystal ball, I can't forsee the future. But I also don't want to be strung along, it hurts too much.
I know being strung along is MY choice. That I'm allowing her the power to do that to me. I just struggle with taking back my power. Sometimes I feel confident and other times, I feel completly abandoned by her. I stuck by her through so much sh!t. I know she doesnt owe me anything, because I chose to stick by her. It hurts like hell, none-the-less.
Thanks for the 2x4 Mach. I can't wait to feel happiness again.
What I was looking for was a sign, a signal, a spark of encouragement. She's a huge FB junkie and I wanted to get a feel for what she is thinking. We've texted 3x in 2 months. All of it was superficial, poker face texting.
Uhmmm...
Isn't texting a sign ??
Wasn't it you, that was here a few short weeks ago, bitching wondering IF she would ever contact you again ???
Originally Posted By: Thornton
I know being strung along is MY choice. That I'm allowing her the power to do that to me. I just struggle with taking back my power. Sometimes I feel confident and other times, I feel completly abandoned by her. I stuck by her through so much sh!t. I know she doesnt owe me anything, because I chose to stick by her. It hurts like hell, none-the-less.
Tell me again how that ^^^ is attractive to a Woman ???
Did you stick by her, for her ??
Or because you CHOSE to ???
Yes, it hurts. Yet it hurts worse when you allow yourself to slip into "stinkin thinkin" mode....
When you start stinkin thinkin, you allow yourself to only see the negative things in your life. And you start to EXPECT something negative to happen to you....
Change your perspective, and your thought patterns will follow...
Name 5 positive things that have happened lately ???
