I was forced to text wife today, for July work schedule, just asked for dates she works so I could cover setter stuff for D's. She sent me a calendar page. Looks like she is going on a float trip next month, I had to catch myself thinking who is going, and is OM going to be there. But then I stopped and thought, nothing you can do, but keep being nice and try to get better for me. So tough, doing all this.
I reached out to my mother today. I was having issues with thinking to much and needed to quit. Texted for a while, she kept asking me is that what you are thinking or she is saying. And most times it was just my thoughts running rampid. What I said, I think she is just waiting because she is scared to hurt the girls, but really wants out in a divorce, mom says thinking or saying. I said, I think in March, when her lease is up she is going to want a divorce, and I am just waiting for that. Again thinking or saying, thinking.
Reading minds big time today, took a walk during lunch at work though. Really helped to clear the head a bit. Trying to tell myself, you aren't that bad, you made mistakes like everyone, and just need to polish up yourself a bit more.
The hardest thing right now is no intimacy for so long now. I don't know you guys handled this part, but man is it tough to get through. Funny thing is I can't even think about another woman without getting sick to my stomach, and not feeling like a good person. Is that normal to, do I need to just not think about it.
I have been at this for three months almost four. And still feel horrible about the things that happened. Will it ever just go away?
You know what Owls are always full of wisdom. I have really been thinking about forgiveness today. I just read a story that kind of struck me. What you tell a friend or a child who made mistakes. Keep beating yourself up, show your family you don't care about them and are selfish. I don't want to be selfish anymore, I'm sick of it. I can be better, I can quit what I want when I want. This has really been eating at me for a couple of days. Time to move on. Go to work on the things that matter. This is so silly. I think I just wanted sympathy and someone to care about me. How selfish, so good to write these things out.
I miss my wife, but I was miserable for the longest time too. Right now, I am miserable for what I did, but it doesn't matter. I can either wallow or just go out and try to get happy. I need happiness with or without W. I so desperately want her in my life, but I am not giving up on me to do it. If she wants me, she can have me, otherwise I need happiness.
I like to shoot guns, haven't been in ages. I like to see movies in theater haven't been to maybe 2 movies in 2 years. I like to get outdoors, fish, hike, only had my fishing license once in three years. I like to fix things, I haven't touched anything in ages, either broken or in need of remodel. What have I been doing to myself? Focusing on the misery. Screw it, I'm done, I want those things. I want happy days from now on.
What do some of the rest of you like to do? An good suggestions for activities for 2 young girls?
Here is a mini Bucket List for Summer at least what's left.
1. Take kids to a nice Zoo, they love animals. And our zoo locally is kind of small.
2. Go shooting twice a month at least. A good free range about an hour drive from home.
3. Go hiking in southern missouri with my kids if possible.
4. Go fishing with an old friend in my hometown more than once.
5. Take D5 to amusement park. She loves to ride things and is getting over fear of heights and speed.
6. Take Girls to big monument or park. I am roughly 10 hours from Mount Rushmore and would love for them too see something like that.
7. Go and actually stay in my hometown for more than a day. I usually just go up and stay for a day and leave, not interacting with friends or family.
8. Get a hug from my W, by her doing it. I know a long shot, but it's a bucket list.
9. Go to Michigan Football Game. Huge fan, have been to stadium but never a game.
10. Take Wife out on a date. Once again I know, very optimistic, but it's my bucket list.
Everyone says that these emotions are like a death. Well if they are, then we should have a bucket list for separation and divorce. Will I have the money and time to do it all maybe not, but I am sure going to try my tail off to get it all done.
Funny thing is I can't even think about another woman without getting sick to my stomach, and not feeling like a good person. Is that normal to, do I need to just not think about it.
I cant be of much help to you Roid other than to say that I do the exact same thing. I feel like I want my W more now than I did the first time we had sex.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
So the W texted me about fixing the printer. Said she couldn't remember how I fixed it all the time. I waited 15 minutes and texted back I think I did it all through online downloads. She texted back Ugh OK!!! And I didn't say anything back. Did I do okay, should I have not answered her at all? I know a lot of people would have let it go, but I figured a little help is good. And really asking me to help remember how to fix something that I always did when we were together, because she got to mad at it to fix usually. I wish it were a text saying I miss you, can you come fix this for me!! Lol!!
I have lost right at 40lbs myself with diet and exercise. I have a slipped disc in my back and all I really do is walk a ton. I think it's getting a bit stronger though with time. It is nice to see a bit more ego boost. While on float trip a couple of girls were at least flirty, they knew my stich kinda, so knew I wouldn't do anything, but was nice to at least flirt a bit. Still hurt my insides, but I kept telling myself it's good to at least get some positive vibes.
Should I send a text later asking W if she fixed or not. It is Grad school and a very stressful thing for her!! Ugh the things we do for love. I won't do it, but it crossed my mind.
NOOOOO Do not text her back. You did ok by answering with a straight answer. The goal is not simply to ignore her forever. It is to be less available than you were in the M. She asks a question like that. Wait 15 minutes to an hour, and reply. Your answer was fine. Leaving it at that is perfect.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
