Lois, I am so sorry for what you are going through.. I also saw myself in other' s story. When I could relate to them, it was validating myself that I wasn' t the irrational one like XH claimed me to be. I have doubted myself for so long in the past and since I have REFUSED to allow him to shame me, I got my self-esteem back. It has been nothing but upward for me. Still very difficult at times but I will make it to the top where his anger won' t bother me anymore. As you can see, I am not quite there yet. When I look back at the past 5 years, I AM IN DISBELEIVE that I could make it through all of it. The way people in this town look at me and treat me is mind-blowing. They make me feel sooo good. They have much admiration and respect for all of us. They look-up to me. I am bless in many ways. I rebuild myself and our life quite nicely.
This is good news. I'm sure you can't wait until he's moved back in.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am getting ready for a big anger-depression stage from XH when son comes back.. I live by: "treat others like you want to be treated." It doesn' t seem to fit with MLC. It seems impossible to treat them the right way. Something is always wrong or missing in their mind. They disregard WHO MATTERS MOST and can' t accept or understand why people walk out on them eventually?? NUTS !!! DON'T EVER FORGET: IT' S THEIR LIVES, NOT OURS.. Detachment...
Tad, here is our story 5 yrs later... MLCer are messed up and oblivious to the pain they cause. Everything is justified in their head. I got an unexpected call at work this morning. It was my son, crying and calling from school. I left in a hurry and brought him home. He said him and XH got into a big fight last saturday and Son let everything out. Everything he had inside. It went on from midnight to 3:30 am. XH took son s phone away so son couldn t reach out to anyone. OW was beside Xh and was telling him not to listen to son so yes, she was also told to mind her business, she had NO CLUE who Xh is and what he has put us through.There is ALOTTTT of things she is unaware of and to stay out of it.. This fight ended by Xh shoving son in a wall.. Son has been keeping away from them since.
BIG discussion coming up tonight.. xh hasn t made contact yet i don t expect him to do so for a while
i am mad at myself for biting into this push and pull game XH and Son are playing.. Son was obviously trying to get a reaction from his father by leaving school with me. 4 times he asked if XH had texted me or called the house. XH did not. he didn t look for him. Instead, worked on a fence he is building in his backyard. Son asked me to drive him back at 9;30 pm. He lives in a town 40 min. away from here. 2 days later, i got XH' s version of the week-end . Turns out Son was the drunk one and he is the one who was agressive and OW had to stop Son from going after XH.. I asked Son if it was true and he said yes.. ARRRGGGGG... He said in a decived voice: " it doesn' t matter mom, what happened, happened ". Here i am turning myself upside down to make things right and for what?? Now the arguement is totally ignored and their anger is placed on booze.
I have a job opening at work and offered it to Son. He wants it but wants me to make my schedules around him and XH' s visitations.. Refuse to work week-ends. I said: " sorry, i can' t do that. the opening i have is for receiving trucks on evenings and working week-ends. you would be off 1 week-end on 3. sometimes it would be mine, sometimes,his." He turned it down. Now, he wants to go work for my sister and stay at XH' s place. come down here on week-ends. Life can' t be that bad over there if they keep going back for more.. I am sooooooo fed up of this MLC BS..
My son' s confusion: 2 different stories ( mine and XH s rewrite) 2 different right 2 different wrong trying to change his father but losing what is here in the process.. taking advantage of both world but hitting brick walls. Up and down and confused.. Did anybody else go through something similar I need help in handleing this. I don t want to lose my son and he refuses to go to councelling
Oh Exquisite... wow. And the drama beat goes on doesn't it?
You know what? I would just stand firm in your rules and your boundaries on YOUR TURF with your son.
How old is your son again?
You may have to make a few new rules too!
Allowing my girls to choose but still support visitation with their father in conjunction with realistic scheduling has worked very well for me. Of course it hasn't been to XH liking. But then again that's because he's upset his daughters don't faint with fascination that their father has just walked into the room! I think it bothers him they don't do cartwheels upon reuniting on his weekends.
lol.. my girls are the same way. When they don' t want to go, they make a sibling tell him. My son is 15. He has a typical teenage boy's way of behaveing. he is exploring and experiencing.. it is a scary period for me because he is into a perfect setting to rebel.. I pray and hope for the better.
ANGER !!! MY biggest fear. I never had a problem with this until abuse took over from XH. It was taken out by swearing or throwing things on the wall or punching a wall but never directed to us. That all changed at BD and I fear his anger. It escalated to verbal, emotional abuse and intimidation. Eventho he has never hit me, ONE night, I believe he would have if I didn' t do as he said. Now, when his tone of voice rise, I get terrified, I feel the anxiety take over me. the panic. Like a little girl defenseless and scared.
I am also feeled with anger but I don' t abuse others. And one more thing, my anger is in regard of Xh and the devastation of his MLC. Today, I am going back to ic to address my anger and learn to deal with it. I would say, let go of it but I don' t think it is possible cause XH and I still have to deal with eachother. I need to take care of this anxiety.
Now, in reference to having another relationship, I never could keep it up for more then 2 months. I get overwhelm with XH' s interference, escalating demands from new partner and my anger building up towards it all... That is why I KNOW I am not ready. Something that should feel wonderful, in my head, becomes too much to handle.
