New update and question. The W said she doesn't want to rush into anything, and that she doesn't trust it will be different or that she will be happy. I think that means she she's some difference in the stitch, is there anything else I could do to make that better, or just keep backing off, and let her see more? She brought up that she really misses the kiddos, and it was eating at her.
It hurts so much to hear her say that. I don't want her to have to miss them, but I know it's not me that she misses, and I don't want her to come back just for the kids. She has to want to come back to me as well.
Actually got to eat dinner with W and the kids. Had a decent time just talking about stuff she had done. Was so hard to not want to talk about us at all, but I just refrained and actually looked into her eyes and listened with everything I had. All good stories and just was nice to actually hear some things from her. I know it meant nothing for us, was all about the kids, but was still nice.
Looking in the eyes thing was something she hated because I would never do it. It was because it got to where I had no respect for her, and just didn't care what she said. I can say now I really do care what she says. It may be too late for us, but it's good to know that I still can do it. I have always been that way though, from feelings of being not good enough. Always wanting to look away instead of in a persons eyes, due to either not caring or thinking I wasn't good enough.
I actually saw the old wife just a little but come through. You could tell she was trying not to show anything though, would stop or look away herself sometimes. But just to see it for a little bit was good.
And she asked to have dinner with the kids, and said I could stay and eat with them if I wanted. At first I said are you sure it's okay to stay, shouldn't have said that, should have just said yes and went on. But it was difficult to think I could be comfortable with her after the convo earlier. I guess just tests and trying to be nice for the kids. Oh well was a overall good night!!
And she asked to have dinner with the kids, and said I could stay and eat with them if I wanted. At first I said are you sure it's okay to stay, shouldn't have said that, should have just said yes and went on.
Good recovery Roid76. Its true being confident all the time and just saying yes or no when you have to is way more attractive for W...and you grow in your manhood showing more of your decisiveness.
You did real good tonight. keep it up! You are being the man she would be a fool to walk away from!
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
So hard to want to continue to fight. Today for some reason, I am feeling very down and beaten, like I won't be able to get her to come back to me. And it's driving my mind crazy. I can't get the feeling out that, I am losing her forever, and not even to another man, just losing her because she is so stubborn, and refuses to even see any good. I know last night was a baby step, but it's hard.
This has been going on so long, and no affection or love for over a year now. I don't want to give in and throw in the towel, but I am afraid that at some point I will just say to heck with it all.
It's the impatient part of me creeping in. Not knowing, not being sure on anything. I still have a lot of work to do on that part of my life. And also, detaching more from the W. It seems as soon as something good happens I want it all back right away, but know that's not happening.
Weird one today she calls to ask my opinion on whether she should work Saturday. She hasn't seen the D's, only dinner the other night, for 6 days. So she wanted to know what I thought is she worked Saturday and dropped girls off at her moms. I said, that we need to take care ourselves first, the work is a clinical for her schooling required for it, if she doesn't do it she fails. So I just said that girls will be there, but we need to make sure we are in good shape. I did tell her I had to replace the fan motor on my air conditioner, she said she had a rough day, I said I understand. She then tells me a story.
The woman she works with, is having some serious legal stuff with her son. He was in jail because and ex accused of some pretty bad stuff, and he might lose his kids. And that our situation isn't as bad as it seems. That her stitch was way worse, and we should be thankful. I just validated, said that was awful and I couldn't imagine doing that, or going through it. She said well I thought I would tell you that to show there are worse stories out there. Very weird to me. I really don't know what to make of it.
But she did call me, and ask me stuff and it felt good for that. Just a weird thing to say. And I am not going to read her mind to try and figure what she meant, but doesn't make it easy to process for me. Just a weird nugget.
Is it wrong or right to keep giving her help when she asks for it. I know we are supposed to be nice, but she keeps asking for my opinion, then always says, I don't want you, I left you. At some point should I just tell her to quit asking me my opinion, because if it really meant something she would working on us, instead of asking to see other people, or not interested in us anymore? I don't know just a thought!!
