Right, it just takes me some time to learn. That is why I would spiral down before. trying to control that now. Remember the rule, believe none of what they say and half of what they do.
I get the taking time to learn. I still struggle with it every day. I find it's so much easier to remind someone else about it than to actually successfully do it myself.
I actually just had to have a friend talk me down from something my H. said today. I got a long list of why I shouldn't worry or even think about what he said right now because I didn't have anywhere close to all the information.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Its good to have friends that can help. True friends will give good advice, and try to steer you in the right direction. PMA is very hard to do right now,but every little bit of that can help.
Its been almost a week of not inititating any contact with her. And Tuesday was the last time she called or texted me. I am kind of freaking out today being the weekend and all. I am planning on a trip to the movies tonight, and hopefully some time out tomorrow before the kids come back tomorrow evening.
Freaking out over her moving on, and her not caring at all about us. The feelings are a lot more controllable though. Not nearly has bad as they have been. I think that more time will be good to get a handle on all of this. I am such a super control freak over this, and these feelings are good to have and try to recognize that I just cant do it anymore like I have in the past. I need to learn that I can only look at me, and not try to fix or control others or actions outside my sphere.
Something else that is kind of helping me out. On one post I heard focus on her flaws, to help get rid of the good. It's not so much the flaws I'm using, but the things that I think were not right. We have 2 dogs, she wanted them just as much as me, but wouldn't take care of them. Stuff that I know goes against what I really want out of my life.
This also helps me to look at me and what I did that I didn't like and maybe even her. Identify the problems for me. Is it hard not to think about her yes, but I have to help myself out. I'm not scared to be here anymore. I want to feel some joy.
In order to say I gave it everything I had. Is that no contact, changing the way do things, getting over my fears, all the things I don't like about me. It just hit like a ton of bricks, that I didn't give it everything I had. I can safely say, I don't remember the last time I did give anything everything I had. What's the point if living a life half azz, when you will just regret everything you did? On my death bed, I want to look back and say everything I had I gave it to those I loved the most me included. I want to look in my daughters eyes and say your dad loves you and no matter what don't regret anything change your ways if you have to. Don't let fear rule your life, face it and move on!! Actually made me upset to just type that out. It's so hard to think giving it your all is letting go, but I know it's right.
If I had only found some of this stuff so long ago! Instead I thought just counseling was going to be enough. Nope, I was wrong, I think that is why counseling doesn't work for most. You have to put in some effort as well, and lord knows I was still being selfish and conceited the whole time. I just want a new chance at life. One that I can say, I was proud of, and one that is really truly what I want, not some farce or lie.
Sitting alone at home is no way to go. I have tried numerous friends and everybody is busy. I think I am going alone to the Drive In and watch some movies. Might not be the best GAL, but I can't set here any longer!!!
W texted to see what time I could get the girls. She was texting she has a lot of homework to do, she doesn't have a lot of food in the house for them. And was running out of ways to keep them happy. I text back, when do you need me to pick them up, she said whenever, so I just text back 5. She then says I'll have to make do with that. I said OK.
I mean it's not my job to do the kids just because she is having problems. And it makes me want to just go get my girls so they are not miserable either. I even thought about saying it's not my fault you have all of this stuff aren't they important to you to, you were complaining about not seeing them, and now you just want rid of them.
Do not say anything negative. Your W is fully aware she is struggling, and she will be fully aware that your helping with the kids makes her life better. Leave it at that. You have a chance to make a good statement or a negative one. Make sure you leave a positive impression.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
